


Story sins

by Brian_Meow



Series: The mystical ponies series [2]
Category: 1960s - Fandom, Beatles, Rollingstones, backtothefuture - Fandom
Genre: Excorsism, Other, cultclassic, lit, screenplay, timetravel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:42:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 69
Words: 63,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24549337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brian_Meow/pseuds/Brian_Meow
Summary: This is story sins. no story is without sin. Read with caution.
Relationships: None
Series: The mystical ponies series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1640689
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was totally sober when I was writing.

This is where book two begins. 

Write your truth, they say. What happens when your aunt gets married, you end up isolating yourself from other people, and your oma gives you a doll pre-war era that you have no idea to take care of? Welcome folks to the second notebook. 

**German. Wartime. Night.**

  1. We cut to several blasts in the forest. A Stuka flies past the trees. A howl of bullets flies through the sky. A snap of the branches. Running. A blast of gunfire. A hand grabs a branch. Fumbling. A middle-aged woman gives who we presume to be her daughter a deadly glare. There is thick silence as her daughter quickly picks up her pace. There is a groaning. 



**Present-day. Midwest. Day.**

  1. Two men are arguing as a teenager looks on at the party. It appears to be an extravagant mansion. The teenager gives the mansion a once over. 



Sin number one: The last party I actually went to was a seventh-grader party in a particularly unsafe part of Chicagoland. 

An uncomfortable teenager approaches the first teenager. The FIRST TEENAGER is speaking to the TWO GUESTS. Her actions should be agitated. Remember, the only reason that they are going to this party is that it would help the TEENAGERS social skills. After all, her grandmother is making her go to an unpleasant sounding party. 

TEENAGER

Guys!

The third guest who we’ll refer to as MAGICAL UNICORN cocks his head at the TEENAGER. A pulse indicating anger appears. The TEENAGER glares at the MAGICAL UNICORN. 

TEENAGER

If Beatrice catches us- 

The SECOND TEENAGER runs up to the first TEENAGER. 

FIRST TEENAGER

We are so screwed…

The two adults appear appalled at the second guest. BEATRICE has appeared behind the FIRST TEENAGERS. MAGICAL UNICORN mouths the words

MAGICAL UNICORN

Whatever you do, don’t turn around 

The FIRST TEENAGER turns around. THE SECOND TEENAGER gives her a concerned glance. 

BEATRICE

Can we talk?

THE FIRST TEENAGER

Sure!

THE FIRST TEENAGER turns around. She gives the two adults a deadly glare. She gestures to the MAGICAL UNICORN, indicating that her brother should watch him. Her brother groans. THE FIRST TEENAGER walks with BEATRICE into the bushes. 

  1. INT. PARTY. PRESENT DAY. 



“Frankly you hate me or something?”

“What makes you say that Beatrice? Let me ask you something. Why do you want a science experiment?”

“ I don’t- It’s my grandmother. She’s mentally ill! She thought JFK actually loved her. I mean sometimes I have to do the dirty work! Tell you what I’ll let your science experiment go because it’s my birthday.”

The Teenager glances at her enemy. 

“ wait you were going to kidnap him?”

“ I was  _ going _ to.”

“What’s wrong with you Bea?”

“ I don’t know. My adoptive mother suspects I’m an epileptic from a Russian Orphanage.” 

The two walk out of the hedges. Outside of the hedges, there is a storm flickering. Think of something from Stranger Things. In an instant, the Teenager’s expression flickers from bemusement to horror. A slice of cake has been eaten. She whirls around, shooting her brother an evil, look. Before she can ask what’s going on, an earsplitting screech answered her question. 

“What happened-”

Her brother cuts her off. 

“RUN! RUN BEFORE HE!”

BEATRICE SHOUTS in annoyance interrupting her brother. The wind whips her hair. 

“HE?”

A flash of lighting spooks her. She turns around. She runs offscreen. A giant floating horse screams in the sky. 

“What the?”

“Run! Run! You fool!”

Transformation. The hoof, who we presume belongs to the science experiment, stretches into the bone. Think of chicken legs. The mane recedes as the horse morphs into a giant chicken. More flashes of lighting. Rain pelts the young teenager.

Sticky pelts smash against her Doris day glasses. Stupidly, the teenager remains outside while her younger brother remains also stupidly outside of the household. 

She continues to look at the giant chicken very unafraid. The teenager turns to her younger brother. 

“we ‘ve got to call for help.”

A car who is sleeping. Yes, you read that right, a car is sleeping in the yard, not making this up. A car that sleeps. Surely, this concept of cars being alive won’t bite me in the ass when I turn 18. No, surely there won’t be images of pregnant inflated cars on the internet that won’t be shown to me by an autistic peer after we observe a car owned by a crazy man who shot up the local white castle. Cars can’t be sentient. Cue the visuals of ZZZ. The phone rings. The car picks- no- I am not joking here- a rotary dial with it’s left tire. 

“ so the science experiment became a demonic what- Fine. I’ll be over. I’ll bring a sign.”

Click. 

No one questions the car driving down the highway by itself. No one thinks of the car that drives down the lonely road. Why is this thing not brought to a priest? Also dick move. You just up and abandoned an elderly lady and a man diagnosed with inattentive ADD in the streets of Chicago. that ‘s just great. Elsewhere, we see our protagonists discussing whether our demon had too much cake. That’s wonderful. The parents are probably dead at this point. Add a hundred sins to abandoning your elderly grandmother and your father in the streets of Chicago.

“One piece of cake!”

The teenager is disgusted with her brother's answer. 

“What? He’- she’s I mean she’s a mutant what were you thinking?”

  * _that line aged beautifully._



_ “  _ Can I have a piece of cake.?”

The teenager responds to this with a facepalm and a groan. Her brother walks offscreen. She looks at her android phone. A text indicates that the car is there. Great. Cars can text with their fat tires. This isn’t possible due to the power of physics because putting a phone underneath the car would usually result in the phone being destroyed.  _ Cars don’t usually text, but in this case, I’ll make an exception _ . The text reads I’m here. Overhead, the demon screeches. Looking like a mixture between a giant reptile and a horse, in other words, a dragon. I’m trying to describe a dragon over here. 

INT. BASEMENT. DAY

A knock of the door. Inside the basement, one is reminded of the BLITZKRIEG. Bombs everywhere. Each of the participants wears an expression of terror on their faces. One of the party-goers walks out of the room. 

“I’ll get it.”

Every one of the participants responds with a resounding, “No!”. Ignoring the overwhelming cry the party goer exits the room. She returns to the basement.

“ I need fourteen years old.”

The teenager walks out of the room. 

**EXT. OUTSIDE. NIGHT.**

The science experiment squeezes the teenager. The teenager resists, but soon she relaxes in due time. With her body relaxing, the teenager slumps over, embracing contact. On the brink of a panic attack, sensory overload, tears well up in her eyes. The science experiment begins to ruffle her hair very softly. 

“It’s alright. It’s alright.”

Tears well up in her eyes. The teenager relaxes as her senses as if rejecting the touch begins to accept the warm squeeze of the body. In a moment of surrendering the senses, she is greeted with dark black pools in which used to be pupils. In short, a claw-like gesture. In a brief moment, her eyes briefly flicker as she blacks out. 

“No.. No.. I don’t like heights….”

Cut to black. She wakes up in the back seat of a 1998 white honda. Her body is slightly blood covered. Her leg should be broken. She mutters to herself. She lies as the children scream off-screen. The scene is black. Very dimly lit. she emits another grunt as she painfully lifts her leg in the car. 

“What do we do now?”

No answer. She very quietly, softly raising her head so that demon could not hear her. She answers her question with “ I don’t know.” a pack of road salt lies next to her. She asks herself another question. 

“How about salt? Trust me on this, the salt will work.”

She walks out of the garage. Outside, the demon-possessed man is covered in female and male genitalia. The demon's final form is a unicorn with dragon wings... This is too easy. 

“Guess what? That fall didn’t kill me! The power of Christ compels you!

The teenager tosses loads of rock salt at the giant demonic unicorn. The giant demonic unicorn does not take this well. The giant demonic unicorn begins to fly into the sky. Before she can take the fourteen-year-old to an early death, the teenager continues to respond by throwing rock salt at the giant demonic unicorns eye. The teenager begins to flick the salt into the giant horse's eye. She thought to herself. 

“The power of Christ compels you! I always wanted to do that.”

The demon continues to screech. A brief flicker of light as the teenage girl begins to undergo a magical girl transformation one might see in anime. She kicks the horse in the snout. This ends the transformation. With an ow, the giant horse howls in pain. Eat your heart out Disney movies, kicking a horse in the snout is how you defeat a villain. The pegasus flickers and shrinks into a normal-sized horse. Very slowly, the demonic cat-eye turns into a regular goat eye seen on a horse. 

“What's happening to me?” 

The pegasus begins to turn into a normal-looking horse. The wings proceed to disapparate into the horse's skin. 

“My wings!”

The horn shrinks into the horse's forehead. 

“Noo!” 

The tail with a braid becomes unraveled. Grey, grim. 

“My tail! Ow! My ability to poop gold!” 

The female horse looks at the tail in horror. The final shot is that of the teenager holding a lasso threateningly. The horse looks at the viewer in horror. 

“No!”

The backyard is empty. Several bodies lie dead. Several members of the party observe the dead bodies. Taking in the carnage. The number of dead bodies. 

“ Where's the demon?”

“What happened?”

“Where's the science experiment?”

In a moment of christening her newborn kindness, Beatrice kisses her father's car. The teenager ties up the horse to the 1998 white honda. 

“I’ll think I’ll name you charlie.” 

We cut to the two siblings on top of the car. The second guest is behind the wheel while the TEENAGER lies on her feet on the car's roof. She pokes the horse with the stick.

TEENAGER

Take us home. 

**EXT. HOUSE. Daybreak.**

Many miles later..

TEENAGER

Ah to be a carriage.

She cracks the whip. The horse, who we presume to be female, grunts in annoyance. 

Ext. barn. Day. 

We cut to her brother tying down the horse. The horse is behind a stall. There is soft clicking as he proceeds to tie the horse down. His sister is in the background. She is unhappy with her brother as he has given her science experiment cake which triggered the demonic attack. He slumps over.

“ I don’t know how long this will take.” 

His sister glares at him. 

“You started this, remember?”

“No!”

“You wanted this, didn’t you?”

No! 

“Well yes…” 

His sister stammers on her words. Her brother glares at her in annoyance. She pulls out the gender ray. She aims at him. Her brother now gendered snatches the gun away from her. The two begin to tussle. There is a flash of light. The sister now male flays for the gun. To no avail, she flops over. In a moment of mockery, who used to be her brother shakes her ( his? Eh. fuck it) bosom. In response, the male rips off his ( her- oh fuck it- if its a penis, then it’s a male.) In response to the feminine taunt, who used to be the sister, jerks off. When the masculine act is done, there is semen on the ground. The two siblings proceed to physically fight each other while the horse, who is turning back into the human howls in pain. The two stop when the howling reaches its peak. 

We cut back to what used to be the horse. A woman is clutching the grass. Fully undressed, almost in cowboy position. Her lips are gently rubbing the grass. Her eyes are wide. Glancing back and forth, she groans on the grass. She flops over in the cold august evening. What used to be the horses' neigh has grown soft. Her body lays naked in the rough rocky patch. The two siblings stop bickering at the entrance of the garage. The two approach her gingerly. The sister, still male quietly turns her over.

“Does it hurt?”

A groan emits from the exhausted body. 

“C’mon.”

Strangely, the naked woman grins. The two older siblings appear appalled. 

“Nice body right?” 

Soft gagging is a response to this. Then soft praying. 

We cut to a soft interior. Tv flashing. The two siblings are lying on the bed, frowning at the transformation that has ensued. There is general muttering as the newscaster speaks of the destruction that has ensued. The demon begins to speak. 

“Did I really do that?”

Before anyone can answer her question, The demon-possessed woman begins to wince. She turns around. Her body is in a fetal position. In pain. The demon begins to moan softly. Somewhat sexual sounding. 

“You ok?”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“The demon’s voice, somewhat high begins to waver. She lets out a high pitch whine but quickly cuts herself off. The brother begins to lean over the bed. There is an awkward stillness in the air as the demons whining proceeds to turn into painful yelps. Streaks of tears run down her cheeks as she bites her lip.

While the beige pony oogles at the transformation ensuing, his biological sister stares at him. 

There is a shout emitting from the demon's lips. The clone falls off the bed. Sobbing ensues. 

“What the fuck did you do to me?”

A wail emits from the side of the bed. There is a clear look of pain on his/her face. 

DEMON

*PAINED GRUNT.*

he/she swallows hard. He/she curls up into a fetal position as he or she transforms back into a male. The transformation is painful. The lighting is dim. The female occupant, who is turning back as well as kneels down. She bites her lip as the transformation is ensuing. Another wail emits as she puts her hand on the demon's mouth. She looks around, ensuring that there is no loud noise attracting who we presume to be her parents. The demon is curled up on the floor next to the bed. There is a pause. Tears do not well up in the female occupant's eyes, as she cannot feel the pain that easily. 

FEMALE OCCUPANT

QUIET. 

A look of silent rage crosses the experiment's face. This is easily wiped away as if the feeling of constipation is emitted by a grimace. 

THE DEMON

*SOBBING*

THE FEMALE OCCUPANT

-REPEATING HERSELF-

I need you to be quiet. 

SHE is unbothered by the transformation. Elsewhere, the male occupant has run off, obviously nauseated by the number of hormones crossing into his body. 

THE DEMON

What the fuck?

There is a stifled sob as the demon bites down. 

THE DEMON

Am I turning back?

The female occupant’s face grows pale. Overwhelmed she begins to place her hands over her ears, somewhat stifling the loud noise. The demon pulls them away from her ears as she begins to do so. 

THE DEMON

-repeating himself-

Am I turning back?

The female occupant nods. 

THE DEMON groans. Sweat pours down his forehead as he/she rushes to the bathroom. There is a blur as he/she runs into the bathroom, covering his/her mouth. There is heaving as the demon whimpers. Without reasoning, he/she calls for the female occupant. The female occupant enters the bathroom. 

THE FEMALE OCCUPANT 

-Somewhat irritated-

What?

She slides down the bathroom door. The demon calls her name further beckoning her to come in. A click of the door answers his beckoning as the demon continues to vomit. The demon proceeds to vomit. 

The demon turns his head. He curls up. There is an awkward pause as he/she begins to crawl, weakly, towards the female occupant. He begins to shoot out of the bathroom, as if in pain. The female occupant goes after him. 

Highschool. Night. 

We cut to a different pony character seemingly dressed in World War II student uniform. The pony is carefully reading mathematical formulas. The war is about to come to a standstill. He grins as he figures out the mathematical formula. 

Farmhouse cellar. Night. 

Behind the two siblings, there is a smashed up box. Inside there should have been a doll dating back to the 1950s. Its twin resides underneath the bed of the female. The female runs upstairs to get the box. The experiment begins to howl in pain as his testes begin to swell in his nether region. As the beige pony looks on at the transformation in fascination, his sibling returns with a small doll and a rag. She gives the demon a rag to bite down on. 

We cut to the beige pony being thrown into a hamper. 

“Why did you do that?”

Scowling his sister replied, 

“Because you’re a pervert. “

  * This arc ends with the line ”Personally, it hurt because my nads were protruding out of what used to be the second glory hole, but it felt good killing a few people.” The second character mods in amazement. 



_ Side note: I’m trying to build tension here.  _

Things that happened during this period

My aunt gets married*

* I beg for a metal death trap

  * This will be the last time that I see my cousin from my mother's side. She refuses to let me sleep on the water bed. 



The next morning we cut to our teenage protagonist sleeping in. There is a click of the alarm. The science experiment walks in. Very comedically, he jumps on to our protagonist. There is a jump. 

“Wha-

“Get up Charles 1 is still sleeping.”

Ext. Farmland. Day. 

We cut to our female lead who should be sleep-deprived, aim a gun at the car. The car snores on, unperturbed. There is a flash of light. Where there should have been a late 1990s model is now a late 1950s red fury. Whoever was describing this is clearly on vast amounts of cocaine. The next scene is that of the three siblings eating breakfast. There is a shout from outside.

????

AHH? Who did this to me?

The female lead looks up. She is slightly disturbed. Her glance is met with confused looks. It should be well known at this point that she cannot drive yet. 

???

“You know what I am going to do?”

The teenage protagonist pushes in her chair, appearing to excuse herself. The car screams on from outside of the garage. 

“I AM GOING TO MAKE SURE WHOEVER DID THIS IS NEVER BORN.” 

The teenage girl runs to the attic. Cu of a hand hanging at the chain. The science experiment pulls in with her. There is sweating. Panting. The science experiment looks at our teenage protagonist. 

“We’re safe here.”

“Safe?” How are we safe? There is a powerful car down there-”

As she is speaking there is a chainsaw plowing through the door. This is intended to be a background gag. As our teenage protagonist speaks, she is unaware of the chainsaw plowing through the door. As the chainsaw grows even louder, there is a brief moment of silence as she turns around. 

GUESS WHO?

  
  


There is general screaming. Running about. A chase ensues, one might think of this as a scooby doo like a cartoon. Surely, an overweight teenage girl wouldn’t be thought of as a possible anorexic. But she trusts down as she crashes into her father. Her father is shooting her with a look of confusion and fury. 

“Oh, hey dad, we just pulled a prank on Charlie, he doesn’t seem too happy about it.”

The car crashes through the wall of the house. For some reason, this does not kill the father. Rather the wall explodes into brief shards of plaster. The car reeves back before cooling down. A trained officer of the law the father seemingly talks the car down from the wall. He is not wondering about whether he accidentally consumed pieces of acid. Instead, he is restraining himself from getting a very powerful tool from the farm garage. The scene ends with him talking to a metal death trap whether he likes synthesizer music because the father grew up in the 1980s. 

Clearly, this is inaccurate. This man was a by-product of farmers going back centuries. Hell, there would be no way to introduce the synthesizer to this man. Coming from branches of farmers and possible cattle thieves, this man would be more concerned with collecting eggs, and the ravings and rants of Illinoisan film critics than music from the 1980s. 

This is boring. The next scene is as follows. 

So what happens is our protagonist bothers her younger brother. The younger brother is presumably doing teenage boy things and shoos her out. 

MALE OCCUPANT

OUT!

The older sister proceeds to give her brother a very hard time about a mistake that was her fault in the first place. Her brother is displeased with this, and this causes her to get kicked out of the house, I’m sorry, his bedroom. Clearly, she doesn’t know what knocking is. The loud slam of the door ends the scene. 

Who needs continuity anyway? Fifty sins. 

On the same page, she asks the biological abortion er, I mean, science experiment if they can watch a horror movie together. The science experiment agrees that an October evening should be a pleasant time to watch a horror movie.

On-Screen, a werewolf movie is taking place. One in which A woman screams for her lover to stop transforming into a werewolf. 

LOVER

JIM STOP TURNING INTO A WEREWOLF.

WEREWOLF

I CANNOT STOP TURNING INTO A WEREWOLF. 

LOVER

WILL TRY TO STOP. 

WEREWOLF

SHARON, I’M TRYING TO NOT TURN INTO A WEREWOLF

LOVER

YOU’RE NOT MAKING THIS ANY HELPFUL HAROLD.

Clearly, this is supposed to be foreshadowing. On the next page, several events begin to happen. 

A: the failed abortion is admiring himself when he realizes his sexual organs are rearranging themselves. 

He proceeds to panic and calls for the young teenager. 

FAILED EXPERIMENT

LOUISE!

THE TEENAGER DOES NOT PAY ATTENTION TO THE COMMOTION. THE FAILED EXPERIMENT BEGINS TO CLUTCH HIS STOMACH. HIS SHIRT GROWS TIGHT AND SWEATY. HE/SHE BEGINS TO STUFF TOILET PAPER INTO HIS MOUTH TO HALT THE SCREAMING. 

THERE IS A BEAT. LOUISE BEGINS TO LOOK UP FROM THE MOVIE PLAYING. 

ANOTHER BEAT. 

LOUISE

IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT IN THERE?

ANOTHER BEAT. 

LOUISE

HELLO?

The young teenager is too focused on the television screen to pay attention to the transformation ensuing. She curses to herself, then walks to the bathroom. 

LOUISE

HELLO?

THERE IS A PAUSE. SHE BEGINS TO LAUGH AS SHE DOES NOT LOOK INTO THE BATHROOM. SHE THINKS THAT THE FAILED EXPERIMENT IS MASTURBATING. THE NOISES INSIDE OF THE BATHROOM ARE REMINISCENT OF MASTURBATION. SHE GRIMACES AS SHE INTERPRETS THIS AS SEXUAL. 

LOUISE

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE SO AWFUL!

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION

NO, IT’S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!

SHE BEGINS TO CACKLE. SHE BACKS UP FROM THE BATHROOM DOOR. 

LOUISE

IT’S EXACTLY WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE. YOU’RE DISGUSTING. 

THE NOISES CONTINUE TO BE HIGHLY MASTURBATE RORY. SHE IS HIGHLY DISGUSTED BY THIS ACT. 

  
  


On the second page, general Schengen is ensuing as who we presume to be the father enters the son's bedroom holding what we presume to be a William Shatner mask. Shrill synthesizer music plays ominously in the background. Instead of calling child services for nearly murdering a small preteen, the incident is played for laughs. The car is seen laughing with a camcorder on its trunk. 

On the same page, jeez learn to separate your panels. 

On the same page, there is general knocking as the young teen is seen dressing up for Halloween. Dressing up as the science experiment, which won’t result in hilarity for sure, she preens in the mirror. Dressing in drag is not a sign of heteronormativity. This will result in a panic attack over appearing heteronormative in later teenage years. Keep in mind that she lives in a conservative background. 

Angst ensues. For about five pages, there is a general amount of screaming. A church gets destroyed. The attempt at seducing a priest fails. Horse transformations ensue. Upon being rejected for looking too scary the demon attempts to seduce the young priest, who probably is more interested in seducing young choir boys. The night ends with two of the siblings having engorged in candy but failing to get the clone, this does not bode well. The car has eaten some foreign oil supplied by Venezuela. 

Int. highway. Day. 

The clone is picked up by the car itself is possessed. The twins decide that this is becoming somewhat of a problem. They drive to Iowa. Possession ensues Rather there is a cry. For some reason, the beige pony, who does not have a license, and should be minor at this point in the story drives licensed machinery. Common road laws. Who needs them? 

During this sequence, there's supposed to be a dramatic sequence where the science experiment is transforming into the demon. The kids should be dead at this point. Especially with a horse in the backseat of a car. It’s clear to all that they are taking acid, and clearly on a bad trip. The teenage protagonist aims the gender ray at the demonic horse. This turns the demon back to normal. No one is fazed by the transformation that has ensued. 

Int. Doctors office. Day 

We cut to a doctor who immediately diagnosed the science experiment with schizophrenia but also decided to inform the siblings that he is suffering from brain cancer.

Doctor 

Your compadre has a form of schizophrenia. And cancer. 

Interestingly enough, the word schizophrenia is misspelled in the diary entry. Fourteen-year-old learning about child soldiers in Somalia misspelled the word schizophrenia. 

“I’m a drug lord!” 

The eldest sibling and the doctor look at him. A scuffle ensues as who we presume to be a psychologist jumps the youngest sibling.

“How much?

“I’m not telling you!”

The youngest sibling tosses medication towards the oldest sibling. The sibling grabs them without dropping the pills. She force-feeds the scientific abortion the possibly illegal/ dangerous medication. Scientific abortion passes out instantly due to the quick nature of the pills. 

We cut to a gas station. 

Int. gas station. Night. 

Sibling 1

“Clearly this is a problem”.

Sibling two

“You think?” 

There is a general assembly of religious iconography. One of the siblings rummages through the package. In the backseat, there is a knocked out human being. From an outside perspective he or she ( depending on the scene), appears to be knocked out. 

“What makes you think we have a problem?”

The next scene is that of a party. What essentially happens is that there is generally going back and forth. Mingling, laughter, walls bleeding, (don’t ask about that one.)

The party is interrupted when scientific abortion dramatically breaks through the locked doors. Then she urinates herself. In the exorcist, this would have been scary had it been a 13-year-old preteen. Yet, when it is a 28-year-old man who manages to urinate him/herself in the hallway of a social gathering, the outcome is hilarious. 

So of course the two siblings take him outside. They yell at him. In a genuine honest move, the demon does tell the little shits that he’s fine. Then he slams the fence so hard that it breaks. This causes room for concern for some reason. 

Int. Hallway. Day.

What happens is that there is a general commotion. 

One: Beatrice, who we establish to be an enemy of our protagonist, gets a physicist and an exorcist. Unfortunately, as it turns out, our main antagonist is a Russian orphan with a slight elliptic problem. 

The next scene is that of the unfortunate virgin who is evading the demon… who wants to seduce him. So what's going on here is the demon is attempting to molest a minor. For some reason, the feds aren’t called. She turns into various “scary monsters” until settling on a bimbo. This works until the protagonist of our story shows up. With the power of telekinesis… she causes the demon to experience the onset of menarche.

Merche. In other words, the red stuff that comes out of a woman's secondary hole. One should know what merche is after spending a blistering day in a church bathroom a month after turning fourteen. Clicking your heels so that the demons of hell won’t drag you down to the pitches of Tartarus. The unbearable sun reaches the core of your essence through the stained glass windows. Sweat dripping down your forehead. The ominous red glow of the hellish pit that was probably the cellar of the church. One that you swore up and down was haunted by a demonic clergy. 

THE BIMBO TURNS INTO A CLOWN. This does not terrify the MALE OCCUPANT. Unterrified of the clown. 

MALE OCCUPANT 

I am not afraid of anything. 

THE BIMBO sniffs. 

THE BIMBO

I sense great insecurity.

In response to the supposed male insecurity, her clothes melt away. THE MALE OCCUPANT continues to appear unfazed by this. 

THE MALE OCCUPANT

NOW STAY AWAY. 

He backs away. Starting to become afraid of the hot lady now. 

A chase ensues. He smashes into the hot chick. The camera pans down revealing spots of blood dripping down her leg. THIS IS THE ONSLAUGHT OF MENSTRUATION. THE FEMALE OCCUPANT reveals that she is the one behind said menstruation. 

THE FEMALE OCCUPANT

HEY! I WOULD LOOK DOWN IF I WERE YOU. 

The failed science experiment begins to look at the dark brown puddle of blood. She begins to act frantic. 

FAILED EXPERIMENT

What? Why is there blood?

The female occupant begins to call her brother over. Sobbing, the failed experiment begins to run over to the mirror. In the mirror, the failed experiment sees her hair begin to frizz up. Cracks of her skin reveal zits. This is clearly a statement on how dry and cold the midwestern weather can be at times. 

The two occupants have locked themselves in the car. The failed experiment rushes out of the house. She bangs on the window. 

A copyrighted song plays. The sound is muted. A sign appears. 

Our lawyers have advised that we don’t play this song or else we risk paying millions of dollars to the parties involved. Ed. 

The sign vanishes. 

Our antagonist proceeds to bang on the car door. 

FAILED EXPERIMENT/DEMON

Let me in!

Our protagonists stay in the running car. They risk dying from carbon monoxide. 

Male occupant

Why haven’t we died from carbon monoxide? 

A beat. 

A zany looney tunes-esque that’s all folks plays. The scene is interrupted by a record scratch. We cut to the two occupants unlocking themselves from the car. They step out of the car. The demon continues to bang on the car window as if nothing has happened. Very quietly, the demon begins to look at the night sky. There is a moment of serenity, almost quiet. 

This scene is interrupted by a loud bang. The female occupant glares at the male occupant, who has managed to acquire a very large bible. She snatches it from whilst he celebrates. His unconscious body lies on the snowy driveway. He gets up unharmed. 

The female occupant

How are you not dead yet? Are you blind?

He has become blind. 

Male occupant

Now, who hit me? 

FEMALE OCCUPANT

I did. 

Male occupant

But why? 

FEMALE OCCUPANT

You ruined my scene!

The demon has passed out on the ground. 

FEMALE OCCUPANT

Let’s go to the basement. 

We cut to the two occupants who have tucked in the demon in the spare bedroom. They note how peaceful he is, instead of checking for potential hypothermia, and carbon monoxide poisoning. 

We cut to the two occupants getting ready for bed. Very hesitant. Very unnerved. 

INT. PSYCHOTHERAPY. 

The next morning, The female occupant shakes hands with a psychotherapist. The psychotherapist is acting as if nothing is out of the ordinary, because a teenager with a developmental disorder who should be in class is acting as a concerned mother. The parents are out of shot. 

PSYCHOTHERAPIST

What’s wrong with the patient.

FEMALE OCCUPANT

I don’t know.

psychotherapist

Really? I don’t know?

That’s not a good answer. Ding. 

PSYCHOTHERAPIST

Tell you what I will interview the patient for no fee at all. 

The psychotherapist is acting unprofessionally in this scene. Plus, if this did happen to be a psychotherapist, the therapist isn’t charging hundreds of dollars for an appointment. it’s established that there is a demon problem, not a mental health issue. A psychotherapist would be inappropriate for a demonic infestation. Perhaps you were intending for a priest? Ding.

The psychotherapist knocks on the door. There is a beat. 

FEMALE OCCUPANT

Wait. 

The psychotherapist glances at her. 

FEMALE OCCUPANT

This is a clone of someone very famous. Do not breathe a word of this capeesh? 

The female occupant has not heard of a confidentiality agreement, which means that a psychotherapist cannot say anything about the patient outside of a session. 

For someone who is coming from a midwest ( rural Illinois) german family with a slice of Italian, the phrase capeesh, is unusual. Perhaps this is a sign that the family is possessed? 

The door slams shut. 

From outside of the door…

THE PSYCHOTHERAPIST

Now how does that feel? 

A loogie is on the glasses. He gets spat on. We see things from outside of the door. 

THE PSYCHOTHERAPIST

How does that feel?

SFX of a kick.

THE PSYCHOTHERAPIST

Ow. My nuts. 

We still see things outside. Any action is heard, not seen. 

THE PSYCHOTHERAPIST

How does that make you feel-

This line is interrupted. 

THE PSYCHOTHERAPIST

Oh my god! Yes!

The female occupant storms in the room. The door is forcibly opened. The PSYCHOTHERAPIST is seen with his pants down, as well as the demon. The FEMALE OCCUPANT is holding a bucket of water. 

THE DEMON does not look happy with the bucket of water. There is a general splash of water. 

Then the Female occupant begins to slap the demon for flashing the PSYCHOTHERAPIST. 

THE PSYCHOTHERAPIST RUNS OFFSCREEN. The Demon and the FEMALE OCCUPANT begin to argue. 

THE DEMON/FAILED EXPERIMENT

Why did you slap me?

FEMALE OCCUPANT

We’re very concerned about your behavior. 

THE DEMON/FAILED EXPERIMENT

With what?

Tears begin to form at the female occupant's eyes. 

FEMALE OCCUPANT

We think you might be possessed by a demon. 

DEMON/FAILED EXPERIMENT

I’m not possessed. I would never hurt you. 

he/she turns around to face the room. The sessions resume. 

INT. HOUSE.

THE MALE OCCUPANT empties his shotgun from the closet in the spare bedroom of the house. After warning him about the bimbo who might seduce young boys, this appears to be his rational response. 

FEMALE OCCUPANT

Don’t you dare? 

THE MALE OCCUPANT responds by giving her a frank nod. He enters the basement. The FEMALE OCCUPANT looks on nervously as she waits for the demon to disembowel his head. 

As par for course, shenanigans ensue. A blast of the shotgun. A shriek emits from the door. THE FEMALE OCCUPANT slams the door open. 

THE FEMALE OCCUPANT

WHAT DID YOU DO? 

We cut to the scientific abortion with her leg blasted off. In short, a good chunk of her leg, including bone, is completely missing from her leg. 

THE MALE OCCUPANT lowers his shotgun. 

THE MALE OCCUPANT

THE LEG’S GOING TO REGENERATE. 

THE FEMALE OCCUPANT

Are you kidding me? 

The scientific abortion is screaming her/his head off because he/she got shot in the leg. Then out of nowhere, like a lizard, the rest of her leg pops back, like a lizard. 

The FEMALE OCCUPANT is unamused. Now unfazed by her leg popping back like a tail being regenerated like a lizard, the demon begins to tear up. 

THE FEMALE OCCUPANT

Are you ok?

SHE tears up, then grows silent. THE DEMON glowers at her. 

THE DEMON/FAILED SCIENTIFIC EXPERIMENT

YOU! YES! YOU!

The boy points at himself. 

THE DEMON/FAILED EXPERIMENT

I WANT CHOCOLATE! SALT! LOT’S OF IT!

MALE OCCUPANT

WHY?

A laser from a gun appears on his forehead. 

DEMON/FAILED EXPERIMENT

JUST GIVE ME CHOCOLATE. I'm PREMENSTRUAL. 

He taps the FEMALE OCCUPANTS SHOULDER. 

MALE OCCUPANT

WHAT’s PREMENSTRUAL? 

THE FEMALE OCCUPANT hisses in his ear. He makes a face as he rushes out of the room. The next shot is the SCIENTIFIC ABORTION grabbing a chick flick from the DVD set. She sobs as a chick flick plays on the screen. 

THE FEMALE OCCUPANT instead prepares to time travel. Fuming, we cut back and forth to a skirt being yanked on. Cut to a rifle being prepared. Think of lipgloss being applied. Ecu of lipgloss being prepared. 

The way the female occupant is dressed is highly reminiscent of the terminator, i.e, leather, and dark clothing. 

Despite not being able to own a license, or have formal training on driving, we see that she, in a moment of badassery clicks open the garage door.

We cut to a calendar that reads 9/6/63. A brief flash of light has indicated that she has entered a different period. 

INT. 1963. 

We cut to a hotel bearing the lines hotel fancy. The same time traveling van whooshes by. A bunch of mods is staying in a bed. We cut to the mods sleeping ala the snow white and the seven dwarves. A brick crashes through the window. The same brick hits the LEAD MOD in the head. For some reason, this does not cause any brain damage. 

LEAD MOD

Ouch!

He reads the letter. 

LEAD MOD

Meet me at zep studios. 

The scene fades in, indicating that the scene has ended. Cut to black. 


	2. hilarity ensues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> even more time travel ensue.

Menstruating, the scientific abortion groans on the bed. The lazy pile of genes that is the main protagonist's sibling crashes through the basement door. 

SIBLING

You might need this. 

In his right arm is a bag. Inside a pile of tampons. 

The sibling inquiring closes the door. The room has grown dark. Cold. to the point in which he can see his breath. 

SCIENTIFIC ABORTION   
*grunting*

Tampons.

Clambering over the bloody clothes, the sibling offers a treat to the monstrosity who lies on the mattress. 

Elsewhere, we watch as the disabled youth plows through the streets of london. Without a license of course. 

EXT. streets of london. 1963. 

Outside the mod waits. He has arrived with his gang of possible ruffians. 

INT. trailer. 1963. 

We cut back to the disabled youth, who appears to be driving poorly. 

EXT. streets of london. 1963. 

Cont shot. 

INT. trailer. 1963. 

b/w footage to signify the time change. 

Ext. streets of London. 1963. 

We cut back to the disabled youth. It appears she is blind in both eyes. 

We cut back to the present. 

PROTAGONISTS SIBLING

Wait, where is my sister?

A brief pause. The scientific abortion shrugs at this. 

SCIENTIFIC ABORTION   
I think she took the RV.

THE PROTAGONISTS SIBLING shows some form of shock upon realizing the time-traveling RV has gone missing. 

Montage. 

He changes into different clothes. Black leather ala the terminator movies. 

*** if copyright allows, then aggressive synth in the background of the montage.*****

A brief flash of light indicates that he too has gone back in time. 


	3. Chapter 3

We are introduced to a recent denizen of the underworld. One, a camel, is trying to hide his tag from outsiders looking in. This is a glitch. THE CAMEL is unnamed. 

THE CAMEL 

-To self-

You aren’t supposed to be here. 

He looks around. Hell is appearing to be a byproduct of the 21st-century mid-America. Very flashy. Capitalistic. 

THE CAMEL

-To self-

What are you doing here?

He is alone. Very isolated. Hell is seemingly swallowing him up. Groaning. Screams from the background. A sharp flash of light as he walks to the portal of someone else's personal hell.

INT. HOUSE. DAY. 

This is the personal HELL of MOD ONE. The CAMEL slowly approaches the door. HE watches as the MOD slinks out of the house. Dimly lit. Inside are several indicators of a musician; a radio, a record. The MOD looks through the mailbox. He opens the letter seemingly prepped for the art school he wants to go to. 

THE MOD 

Finally, a letter from oxford!

He opens it. He does not notice the CAMEL slinking through the background of his house. As soon as he is reading it, The camel snatches an item from the background. 

THE MOD

Rejected!

SFX of a record skipping. He does not notice the record being stolen. We cut back to the mod coming out of his house. He looks through the mailbox…

We cut to the main lobby of hell. A sign reads IF YOU'RE READING THIS, THEN YOU’VE DIED…

Unhelpful for our protagonist who has the record player in his grasp. A shadow approaches him. Perhaps it is a clue. 

CAMEL

Excuse me, what is this place? 

The shadow appears to belong to a worried-looking wife. Wearing a simple house dress. 

HOUSEWIFE 

I was wondering the same thing? They told me that my husband might be here...

CAMEL

Who’s they?

THE HOUSEWIFE shakes her head. No answer. Probably the sign? The two glance at the sign. THE CAMEL continues to hold the record. THE HOUSEWIFE notices the record. She grunts in admiration. 

We cut to another scene. We cut to a moment of adolescence as the second mod has covered himself in a moment of ejaculation. 

MOD 2

Aw shite. My sheets are white and sticky. 

The two characters from the earlier look on. The wife grabs the toilet brush. Another flash. 

THE HOUSEWIFE

Is he ejaculating again? 

CAMEL

-somewhat mortified-

Please don’t watch it.

MOD 2

GODDAMMIT, am I ejaculating again?

CAMEL

Dear lord. 

The scene flashes once more. Ejaculation. 

HOUSEWIFE

What is going on?

CAMEL

I think the scene is repeating itself. 

Even more ejaculation. 

HOUSEWIFE 

-beginning to laugh a bit.- 

THE HOUSEWIFE grunts at this. THE CAMEL pulls her along.  MOD 3 is eating with his parents. His mother is speaking. 

MOD 3’s mother

You’re father and I have been thinking…

The third MOD drops his fork. MOD 3’s father finishes his wife's sentence. 

MOD 3’s Father 

About getting a divorce... 

MOD 3

Shut up! You’re not even my real father!

MOD 3’s father 

You don’t have to bring your adoption into this. 

MOD 3 

Oh, come on mom! Just admit that you’ve been sleeping with the milkman for christ’s sake!

In the background, the duo picks up a plate. 

MOD 4 is pulling his pants down. We cut to a school hallway. Inside we see the HOUSEWIFE and the CAMEL begin to speak. Offscreen we hear several beatings. 

THE HOUSEWIFE

How long have you been here?

THE CAMEL

I don’t know. 

A beat. Offscreen, we hear whimpering and crying. Several wacks. 

HOUSEWIFE

I don’t know where my husband is. 

THE CAMEL

He’s got to be around here somewhere. 

HOUSEWIFE

He died of cancer.

  
  


THE CAMEL 

I’m sorry for your loss. 

THE WIFE begins to choke up at this.

HOUSEWIFE

I mean that's just life right? One violent dance and the curtain falls and lights out. 

THE CAMEL falls silent at this. Very softly, he begins to speak. 

CAMEL

Perhaps watching someone being beaten will lift your spirits?

We cut to the Fourth MOD staring at the two through the glass. Angrily. A sharp sting. 

Fourth MOD

You stole my music! Come back here you thief!

The camel begins to back up. He grabs the HOUSEWIFE and makes a break for it. 

The camel rushes through the hallway. He begins to laugh as he drags the HOUSEWIFE through the school hallway. THE FOURTH MOD chases after him, cursing him. He gets pulled back into the headmaster's doorway. 

THE CAMEL

I just remembered why that guy is so pissed off!

He continues to run through the hallway. THE HOUSEWIFE is confused at this realization. 

HOUSEWIFE

What did you do? 

THE CAMEL

I might have infringed on some copyright b.s.

HOUSEWIFE

Oh, that's nothing. 

THE CAMEL

-cutting in-

I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel. 

We enter the fifth mod. 

The fifth mod gets up from his bed. The alarm is beeping quite loudly. He turns it off, stepping on a lego in the process. He gives a mild curse. The alarm turns back on. The couple is safe in the bedroom. 

THE CAMEL

Do you think we’re almost done?

THE HOUSEWIFE

I’m not sure. 

A beat.

THE HOUSEWIFE

It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have led you into this mess. 

CAMEL

Don’t say that.

The scene repeats itself. The duo leave.

THE SIXTH MOD.

The Sixth mod is waiting in the lobby of the hotel. 

THE CAMEL

You’re the last one? 

THE SIXTH MOD nods, answering the question.

THE SIXTH MOD

Do you realize why you're in hell?

The two look at the Sixth Mod. They wince, preparing for a lecture on leftist policies. 

THE SIXTH MOD

Simple. The one percent go to heaven. The rest of us rot down here. 

THE CAMEL

I thought we turned into stardust when we died?

THE SIXTH MOD

What?

As if to answer the question, the two disappear into star dust. 

The scene ends. 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

EXT. HELL. mixed.   
A crash on the ground. We cut to our protagonists from earlier. The CAMEL looks over the notes. 

CAMEL  
The boy has ADD. inattentive. Millennial. ADD from the mother's side. In the last 24 hours has accessed pornography. Death from failed exorcism. 

He disappears. Another crash. A brief flash of light. 

We cut to the scientific abortion’s personal hell. There are white fluffy clouds. No angels. No. this will not do for the scientific abortion. 

We smash cut to a firm cold reality. Offscreen we hear the CAMEL, and the HOUSEWIFE discusses matters. 

HOUSEWIFE  
What do you think about scientific abortion?

CAMEL  
I think cloning is immoral. 

HOUSEWIFE  
That’s not what I meant. 

CAMEL  
I think it’s none of our business. 

HOUSEWIFE  
You’re probably right. 

CAMEL  
I should probably mention to you I pirated some music. 

HOUSEWIFE  
Oh really? What type of music?

The CAMEL points to the cage. 

CAMEL  
His. 

HOUSEWIFE  
Oh. 

CAMEL  
Don’t worry about it. *It wasn’t that much*. 

Due to cov19, any location outside of the household will be rendered a joke. This includes restaurants. 

We cut to the inside of the house. The abortion pulls down a chalkboard. The professor is covered in a mask. 

SKUNK  
This used to be funny you know. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION  
In other news…

He pauses. 

SKUNK  
What?

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION  
I saw that!

THE SKUNK  
What?

THE SKUNK  
I didn’t do anything?

It soon begins to become clear that the SKUNK is hiding something. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION  
Oh my god. 

He hits his head on the desk. 

THE SKUNK  
What. It’s not like I’m doing anything. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION  
Quit touching yourself to me.

THE SKUNK is scratching herself to the ABORTION. She is not being very discreet about it. The SCIENTIFIC ABORTION is rather disgusted with this act. THE SKUNK PULLS HERSELF OUT OF THE DESK. SHE grins. 

THE CAMEL  
So it’s like watching a fish flop on the ground. 

HOUSEWIFE  
Exactly. 

CAMEL  
Any luck on finding your husband?

HOUSEWIFE sighs at this in annoyance. No sign of her husband anywhere. She looks around trying to find any sign of her deceased partner. In HELL, she sweats nervously. The two approach a witches coven.

CAMEL  
He’s got to be around here somewhere. 

HOUSEWIFE  
I hope so. 

The CAMEL squeezes the HOUSEWIFE. THE HOUSEWIFE reacts to this somewhat coldly to warm touch. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION  
You wanna horror story? Look outside HELL!

THE CAMEL  
Shut up.

He bangs on the glass. THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION glowers at him. Apprehensive, he backs off. THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION continues his tirade. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION  
We live in Orwellian times. Just let me out.

THE CAMEL  
Not a chance. HELL rules. Gotta relive the worst moment of your life. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION  
Says who?

THE CAMEL pulls out the RECORD from earlier. 

CAMEL  
-wincing-  
CABLE television.

The HOUSEWIFE winces at this. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION  
I don’t watch television. 

THE CAMEL  
You don’t?

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION SHAKES HIS HEAD. THE CAMEL AND THE HOUSEWIFE LOOK AT EACH OTHER IN MILD EMBARRASSMENT. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION  
TV’s propaganda. 

THE CAMEL  
-frustrated-  
What’s next? Do some people refuse to drink alcohol?   
THE HOUSEWIFE looks at him somewhat bemusement. THE CAMEL groans in annoyance.   
End scene. 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

A flashback. 

  
HOUSEWIFE

  
I think something’s wrong with our son.

HER HUSBAND shrugs at this. He proceeds to pull out several religious iconographies. THE HOUSEWIFE looks horrified at the paraphilia. A cross with rosary beads lies amongst the junk. She pulls the cross with the rosary beads between the fingers. In disgust. 

HOUSEWIFE   
This won’t help matters.

  
HUSBAND 

What are you talking about?

She frowns at this sentiment. We cut to the present. 

  
CAMEL   
Quick question. Can we go to heaven?   
  


HOUSEWIFE

We can try to go to heaven. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION cuts in somewhat coldly. Our protagonists turn to look at him. Unusually, the prison he is in has grown quite clear. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION

You won’t be let in because you’re not rich enough. 

A beat. 

HOUSEWIFE   
That’s stupid. 

CAMEL   
We’re going to the same ground, we might as well be judged by the same god. 

We fade in... 

We cut to the gates of heaven. We cut to two blond socialites leaning over the counter of SAINT PETER. They giggle as the gates open. The socialite's waltz right in. As soon as they are out of SAINT PETERs earshot, they begin to speak. 

SOCIALITE ONE   
Well, that was easy…

SOCIALITE TWO    
MY HEELS ARE KILLING ME.

SOCIALITE TWO waltzes as if like a drunken sailor. SOCIALITE two proceeds to struggle with walking somewhat properly in stilettos. SOCIALITE ONE is holding SOCIALITE TWO, ensuring that the facade is being held. The two begin to look behind them. In the background, a corpse, which is being barely held apart by stitches, walks. THE TWO SOCIALITES shudder at this. 

SOCIALITE 1   
You don’t think…

SOCIALITE 2

What happens to denizens of hell?

Outside of the gates of heaven, the SCIENTIFIC ABORTION stands. Already, the effects of being in heaven are taking effect. His skin has grown tight. He grips the gates, smelling of rot. THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION begins to climb the gates of SAINT PETER rather rigidly, grunting with each step. The steps are very difficult, with his skin ripping and tearing with each movement. He is pulling himself up. Flies are flying. Maggots are swarming. For the viewer, it is a disgusting sight. In contrast to the squeaky clean and quite beautiful angels of heaven, the outsider is dirty, corpse-like. He falls to the ground. An outsider to the one percent catholic heaven. He looks to his left. To his right. He has little time. He will be a slave to the powers that be. A servant to the mass media. A servant who cleans the toilets in the restaurants in which the rich inhabit. Scrubbing the grubby toilets, pulling bloody tampons out of the inner bins. Frozen like the walking undead of the 21st century, he observes the chitter-chatter of the wealthy. He is not supposed to be here. He is supposed to be rotting among the poor, the middle class. The zombies are frozen by network television. 

The scene ends. 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six

A decapitated head rolls along the ground. The two socialites try to figure out how to exorcise the demon from THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION.

SOCIALITE ONE   
  
Perhaps we use holy water?

SOCIALITE TWO   
  
This has nothing to do with HOLY WATER. 

  
  


A staircase to HEAVEN/HELL stands nearby. THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION stands nearby. His skin is beginning to reform. He grunts as he looks around. 

SOCIALITE ONE   
  
How so?   
  
SOCIALITE TWO   
  
This has nothing to do with religion.

THE FIRST SOCIALITE looks at her Compadre. 

THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION   
  


Argh!

The two socialites turn around to face him. He is in pain. His skin has revealed itself completely. 

SOCIALITE ONE   
  


What are you doing here?   
  


THE SCIENTIFIC ABORTION   
  
I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU THE SAME THING.    
  
  


SOCIALITE TWO   
  
YOU AREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.

  
  


The SCIENTIFIC ABORTION scoffs at this statement. He proceeds to groan as the transformation ensues. 

SOCIALITE ONE   
  
What happens when the demon shows up?

SOCIALITE TWO    
  
Let's not stick around to figure out. 

The two make a break for the elevator. Animalisitically, the demon-possessed SCIENTIFIC ABORTION wobbles after them. Screaming various obscenities, he utters a primal howl as he chases after them. Thinking twice, the two SOCIALITES close their eyes. For a brief moment, everything has gone black. 

We cut to a crowd of the dead looking at the socialites. Nothing has happened. 

SOCIALITE ONE   
  


See? Nothing has happened. We just need to go to the big guy upstairs and ask for an exorcism. 

  
SOCIALITE TWO   
  


Right. Shouldn’t be too hard. 

The crowd departs. As soon as the crowd disperses, the two begin to pull themselves up. 

SOCIALITE ONE   
  
I didn’t catch your name. 

SOCIALITE TWO   
  
Frank. 

The socialite repeats the name. The two stare off into the distance admiring the filthy hell-hole in which they came from. Below heaven a group of smog forms underneath the earth. There is a brief pause as they gather their thoughts. A brief fade out as we catch an angel admiring the ground. Very cold. Her expression is one of smugness, cruelty. She flutters forth. 

  
ANGEL   
  


You shouldn’t be here. 

She lets out an ear-piercing screech. The sound attracts other angels, which respond by screeching. The screeching is metallic, like something one would find in a new york alleyway. The screeching is high pitched, the tone is an insistent ringing. The angels begin to claw at our protagonists. There is another wail as the angels begin to appear in groups of five, six. The beautiful angels are shrewd in appearance. Their eyes pools soulless black. Their nails are claws, not unlike a feline. Their canines are fangs.

SOCIALITE ONE    
  
FRANK?

SOCIALITE TWO

(frank)

  
I don-

Suddenly, she begins to swear. 

FRANK/Socialite TWO   
  


SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!

The angels begin to freeze. 

FRANK/SOCIALITE TWO   
  
Why can’t I think of any good goddamn ideas right now?

She kicks the angels away from the two. Very aggressively. FRANK/SOCIALITE TWO continues to curse, and kick. He proceeds to step on an ANGELS foot. While doing this she secretes in excitement. THE SECOND SOCIALITE BARES HER TEETH. SHE grunts in an animalistic manner.

Secreting once more, FRANK the SOCIALITE uses her body against the ANGELs. Sensing the disgusting discretion, the angels have vanished. 

  
FRANK/SOCIALITE TWO   
  


That should hold them off. 

SOCIALITE ONE   
  
You could’ve used your stiletto. Not your glands. 

  
The demon howls in the background. FRANK looks up in anticipation. 

FRANK/SOCIALITE TWO   
  
We’ve got company. 

  
  


SOCIALITE ONE    
  
You don’t say. 

FRANK grabs her stiletto. In preparation for the mild eye-gouging. THE FIRST SOCIALITE holds him back. FRANK continues to hold the stiletto. Not looking too pleased about this. 

DEMON/SCIENTIFIC ABORTION

Lick my cl-

SOCIALITE ONE   
  
Sore wa amari jōhinde wa arimasen!

The demon looks mildly confused at this poor attempt in Japanese. The socialite tries again in English. 

SOCIALITE ONE   
  
Not very lady-like!

The demon growls in annoyance. She storms off. 

  
We cut to a farmhouse. We smash cut to the elderly couple who have recently adopted a new daughter. We smash cut to what is a very pissed off teenager. What the parents have failed to notice that they’re raising a monster. The host of satan lingers in the farmhouse. We smash cut to the HOUSEWIFE and THE CAMEL on the doorstep of the house. 

We cut to the elderly mother stroking her adoptee's hair. It is rather short. She is uncomfortable in the clothes that her mother has picked for her. 

MOTHER    
  


I wish you could just wear that shirt for once.    
  
Adoptee

(accusingly)

Are you trying to ruin my social life? 

The shirt in question has the words, I may be adopted, but Jesus loves me! In black font. She growls, then puts on the shirt. The mother looks pleased. 

CAMEL   
  


How’s your relationship with your parents?   
  
HOUSEWIFE   
  
I feel like I’m expected to play a role in the family dynamic. In short about average. 

She stares, somewhat reflectively, at the door frame. She leans into it. 

HOUSEWIFE   
  


I sometimes wonder if my parents were out to make my life miserable. 

A beat. She turns to the camel. The warm wind blows across her hair. She turns to the farmhouse. She peers into the bay window. The bay window is dirty. 

The scene ends. 


	7. Chapter 7

College

Chapter seven

We cut to the exorcists at the farmhouse. 

CAMEL

I think we should take a break. 

HOUSEWIFE

Maybe we should go to college to learn the art of exorcism. 

CAMEL

That sounds ridiculous. 

The housewife looks at the CAMEL. 

THE CAMEL

Isn’t the point of an exorcism thrusting a demon out?

The HOUSEWIFE begins to laugh at this statement which happens to sound incredibly sexual sounding. 

We cut to a skunk at the college. The CAMEL calls out to her. 

FRANK

We need your help. 

The college student laughs at this statement very bitterly. Her laughter is somewhat cynical. The HOUSEWIFE grimaces at this. This is SHIRLEY. 

SHIRLEY

Do you think that an exorcism is going to help you?

She continues to laugh at this. 

SHIRLEY

Do you? 

THE CAMEL nods. In mild desperation. 

THE CAMEL

We’re in dire need of assistance. 

SHIRLEY smirks at this. Suddenly, she frowns, as if recognizing FRANK. 

SHIRLEY

FRANK? 

We cut to a class. FRANK is looking at the posters. He is unprepared for the exorcism. Perhaps he has made a mistake. He turns to a poster illustrated with injustices. SHIRLEY walks up to him. They look at the poster. A college student with the phrase liberation of third world country on his shirt walks up to them. 

STUDENT 

We should liberate Rhiondeohoefweio[f

Shirley 

-without turning around-

Say that again with a straight face.

STUDENT

We should fopef3p-2u-]fh-f3h-f

More keyboard smashing. 

SHIRLEY

Again. 

STUDENT

We should liberate fj-e2f2-f3]-

SHIRLEY

Once more. 

The student becomes hesitant, but he attempts to lecture them once more. 

STUDENT

Erufenfwoe[hfeofb34e[f4ob420240 liberate fhoeffb4b0[4b eygptian edh3;ofobb[f3 activist…. Dh[owefdefbbq

STUDENT

… 

SHIRLEY

Try again. 

STUDENT

You hexed me. 

SHIRLEY

I did not. 

The student runs offscreen screaming for his mother. 

The scene ends.


	8. Chapter 8

GUILT. 

Chapter 8

**INT. CLASS LECTURE. DAY.**

We open to a lecture. 

PROFESSOR   
  
DEMONS have been around since the dawn of time. 

SHIRLEY   
I can’t hear you in the back. 

The professor repeats himself. We cut back to Shirley. 

PROFESSOR   
  
DEMONS have been around since the dawn of time. 

THE HOUSEWIFE does not raise her hand. Rather she listens. THE PROFESSOR does not notice that she is in the room. She lowers her head on the desk. 

PROFESSOR   
  
DEMONs will typically feed off negative emotions. 

The HOUSEWIFE raises her hand. 

HOUSEWIFE

Do they feed off anything else? 

PROFESSOR   
  


-shrugging-

Unknown.

He laughs. The professor continues, pacing back and forth. 

PROFESSOR

This little guy right here…

He points at the image of a demon on the board. A catholic priest stands nearby. 

PROFESSOR

Don’t leave home without the catholic cross…

**INT. FARMHOUSE. NIGHTFALL.**

The HOUSEWIFE tosses and turns. She is unable to sleep. Somewhere in the distance, a dog is barking. The HOUSEWIFE shoots up…

She shoots a glance at the mirror. The dog barking is dull. Offscreen, we hear rhythmic tapping. The tapping is mixed somewhere in the walls. Her reflection is matching hers, drenched with sweat. 

An ominous drone plays, as she flops back to bed. The drone intensifies in pitch. She clutches the pillow. It is very dark in the room. She puts her head underneath the pillow, hoping to mask out the sound of the noise.    
  


This does not work. She shoots another glance at the mirror, now covered in mild frost. 

**INT. FARMHOUSE KITCHEN. NIGHTFALL.**

The sound of a faucet drips.

**INT. FARMHOUSE SPARE ROOM. NIGHTFALL.**

This is the room of the couple. Nothing but soft breathing.

**INT. FARMHOUSE ORPHANs ROOM. NIGHTFALL.**

The orphan sleeps softly. 

**INT.FARMHOUSE BEDROOM. NIGHTFALL.**

We cut to THE HOUSEWIFE slowly settling into sleep. A loud bang. She jolts up. Awake. Aware. She rushes out of bed. 

  
  


**INT. FARMHOUSE HALLWAY. NIGHTFALL.**

The HOUSEWIFE rushes down the hallway. She glances at the photos on the wall. FRANK rushes down the hallway. He is very nervous. He looks at the photos with THE HOUSEWIFE. 

FRANK   
  
Did you hear the bang?   
  
  
THE HOUSEWIFE nods at this. She turns to him, expecting an answer. 

FRANK

I don’t understand where that came from. 

THE HOUSEWIFE   
  
You don’t. 

FRANK   
  
I don’t.

FRANK turns to the television. The television is blaring in the adjacent living room. FRANK is not happy with this. Onscreen, a white person is talking….

FRANK groans at the news. He turns off the television. 

THE HOUSEWIFE inspects the basement door. THE HOUSEWIFE opens the door. The door is barely ajar. The lights are off. 

THE HOUSEWIFE   
  
Do ya think it’s safe?

FRANK   
  
I don’t think so. 

  
THE HOUSEWIFE   
  
I think we should go down there.

FRANK   
  
I don’t think that's a smart plan. 

THE HOUSEWIFE   
  
What if my husband is down there?   
  
FRANK   
  
So what if he is?

THE HOUSEWIFE   
  
FRANK!   
  
FRANK   
  
I don’t trust dark basements. 

THE HOUSEWIFE   
  
Whatever. I’m going down there. 

FRANK leans into the door. Blocking it. In the background, a blur rushes behind him. THE HOUSEWIFE notices this. Instead of calming down... She riles up further…

  
THE HOUSEWIFE   
  
FRANK. I don’t think we’re alone…

FRANK

-dismissively-   
  


So get a kitchen knife...

HOUSEWIFE   
  
Unbelievable…

She turns to face him. 

HOUSEWIFE   
  


-aggravated-   
You’re kind of acting like an a-hole right now Frank. 

  
  


She stares at the kitchen. The kitchen is drenched in black. Shadow. Almost able to cover a person. She clutches FRANKS 'arm. Behind them… 

The TV turns back on. Flickering. The two protagonists are alone in the darkroom. The basement lingers almost welcomingly. THE HOUSEWIFE shuffles towards the kitchen. FRANK follows her somewhat. His attention shifts towards the television. He shakes it off. The lighting is very dim. 

HOUSEWIFE   
  


Ack. It smells awful in here. 

FRANK takes a whiff. It smells of rotting bodies. There's a scent above it...

The scent of torched hair/skin. Frank softly gags at this awful smell.

HOUSEWIFE   
  
-SOMEWHAT SADLY-

This reminds me of my husband. 

Frank clutches her hand. Softly squeezing it. Slightly intimate. A beat. Behind them, the television is blaring very loudly. The man on the television talks very loudly. The living room is glowing as the rabbit ear television glows ominously.

The HOUSEWIFE’s mood shifts to intimacy, to pure rage. 

  
THE HOUSEWIFE   
  
Don’t touch me!

FRANK is taken back by this sudden shift in mood. THE HOUSEWIFE jerks forward. She grabs the knife. Behind them, the adopted child is watching every moment. She ducks down into the basement. 

The HOUSEWIFE has become a different person entirely. 

THE HOUSEWIFE   
  
Jesus Christ! Why can’t I get anything done around here?

FRANK steps back. He is a little scared of her. FRANK looks up at the stairs. He shoots a nervous glance at her, indicating that people are sleeping upstairs. 

THE HOUSEWIFE   
  
-Holding the knife-

I’m going downstairs. You stay put. 

She notices the small adopted child in the basement. For a brief second, they exchange glances. The HOUSEWIFE rushes towards the small child. FRANK holds her back. His wool is briefly sliced. A slice of blood quickly forms at the base of his shoulder. 

FRANK attempts to calm the HOUSEWIFE. 

THE HOUSEWIFE   
  
Don’t you dare grab me!

She ducks underneath FRANK. Still holding the knife. 

The small child emits a squeal. She scampers downstairs.    
  


FRANK   
  
Hold on a second!

He grabs his hoof. He groans in pain as he limps towards the basement door. The TV is blaring news about the middle east conflict. FRANK glances at it somewhat dismissive. 

MAN on television

Instead of Human rights… we should be discussing Palestinian rights…

A distraction. FRANK stares at the screen. He is feeling somewhat guilty about this mess.

FRANK   
  


-to self-

Oof. 

A scream cuts his attention away from the television. 

INT. BASEMENT STAIRS. NIGHT.   
  
FRANK rushes downstairs. THE HOUSEWIFE is shouting at the adopted child. 

HOUSEWIFE

HOUSEWIFE   
  


-demanding-   
  
Where is my husband?

THE CHILD SHAKES HER HEAD. SHE gestures to the adjacent room indicating that the two characters should follow her. Inside, the YOUTH pastor of the local community college sits, ready to be ravaged. He is a little confused when the teenager approaches him. 

HOUSEWIFE

-slightly confused-   
  
That is not my husband.

Demon 

I need to ravage. 

YOUTH PASTOR   
  
You’re a bit young for me…

The demon-possessed teenager turns to the HOUSEWIFE. 

Demon

We have a little time. 

She points to the alarm clock… indicating that is somewhere between 11:30. FRANK backs away nervously. THE HOUSEWIFE pulls him back in. without warning, the demon begins to feast on the YOUTH pastor. As she is doing so, her body is beginning to change. The air is thick. For some reason, the couple is not awakened by the terrified screams of the young pastor. The demon instead continues to chow down on the young pastor. 

Demon

You like that, don’t you? Ravishing females in the back of the-

Now slightly older. Not full size. Chomping, and chewing on human flesh. feasting...

Pastor 

Ah!

The screaming stops. The demon now full size, appears as a blond woman. She frowns at the tight clothing, which is now blood-soaked. She pulls off the offending shirt, revealing a tight bra. 

DEMON   
  
Tight. 

FRANK does not say a word about this. He is looking at the demon somewhat lustfully. The demon is rather well endowed, slowly taking off tight clothes, in a seductive manner. 

  
FRANK

Holy-

His word is cut off as the demon turns around. 

FRANK

We did not see anything. 

DEMON   
  


Good. 

The scene ends.


	9. Chapter 9

We cut to a courtroom bathroom. Of course, the idiot is taking a ginormous dump. she’s a girl. 

Here’s an idea. Take a shot if someone in this narrative becomes pregnant for no reason or in impossible circumstances. 

Damien is unhappy about the fact that ROGER THE IDIOT GIRL let the homosexual escape into the parallel dimension which happens to be located right above the sink. 

DAMIEN

REGINA! 

THE IDIOT GIRL

Uh oh. 

DAMIEN begins to bang on the door. 

DAMIEN

You let the homosexual out!

THE IDIOT GIRL

I can explain!

DAMIEN

You’re going to pay for this!

THE IDIOT GIRL 

How?

Without warning, she lets out a whiff. ROGER THE IDIOT GIRL, up to this point has been pregnant. But it has been only for a few weeks…

ROGER THE IDIOT GIRL

DAEMON?

DAEMEN

....

DAEMEN takes a step back. The fluid is coming out of the doorstep. The non-Colored fluid is seeping through the doorway crack.

DAEMEN

That’s mildly disgusting.

THE IDIOT GIRL

What’s going on?

DAEMEN turns towards the doorway. 

DAEMEN

Your water is breaking. 

THE IDIOT GIRL

Breaking?

She begins to visibly panic. She begins to blubber about this and that… how that's impossible… Suddenly, SYD pops her head from the magical mirror. Falls over. A mild crash. Looks up at THE IDIOT GIRL who is giving labor. In mild terror, she freezes at the sight of her nemesis. Suddenly, another pony falls out of the mirror. Another animal falls out of the mirror dimension. We cut to cold, agitated eyes, now worrisome. We cut to MEOW the cat. We cut to another character, A CALICO. WE cut to SYLVIA crashing out of the mirror. 

These are all ROGER THE IDIOT GIRL’s enemies. Animals that she managed to agitate, or annoy. We cut to the pink pony who slams out of the mirror. Not too pleased about this. 

Slam. we cut to a bunch of musicians, artists, filmmakers, writers, plumbers, who ROGER THE IDIOT GIRL has managed to tick off with her mouth or via pestering, or left-wing political manners. 

SYLVIA

It appears as though THE IDIOT’s WATER has broken. It’s going to be a long 8 to 12 hours. 

SYNTHESIZER PONY is trying to not stare at the dilated cervix. HAVING been a member of a political group ROGER THE IDIOT GIRL opposed to, in his previous life, he is not too happy to see ROGER THE IDIOT GIRL. We cut to another character, STEVE the CAMEL who was the band's pianist who was unlucky enough to bear witness to ROGER terminating his employment earlier in his life. It seems like everyone in the room has a bone to pick with THE IDIOT GIRL. SYD is just afraid of THE IDIOT GIRL. 

STEVE 

-somewhat coldly-

You. 

THE IDIOT GIRL

-coldly-

STEVE.

STEVE

-also somewhat coldly-

Your cervix is looking somewhat decent.

THE IDIOT

-coldly. In pain-

STEVE, if I recall correctly, you are no longer a member of my band. 

SYLVIA

Should we help her?

SYD

Of course not. 

Failing to realize this, she attempts to open the door. THE IDIOT GIRL is blocking the said door. SYD turns around to glance at her. 

STEVE

THE IDIOT GIRL is aligned with DAEMEN. She’s corrupted beyond repair. 

SYD 

I suggest we fight her.

SYLVIA

No!

Everyone turns to her. She keeps thinking to herself. 

THE IDIOT GIRL

You’re right. 

She stands up. 

THE IDIOT GIRL bending her knees clutches her back. 

THE IDIOT GIRL 

Oof!

SYD

Maybe we should leave. 

The cast agrees to this sentiment. One by one they walk out of the room. ROGER looks at them in horror. In a frivolous attempt, she attempts to follow them. She slips, still in labor. 

The door slams in her face. Understandably, she bangs on the door. She cries for help. 

Elsewhere.

SYLVIA

SYD, do you think that was the right thing to do?

SYD

Eh. 

The Homosexual spots SYLVIA.

HOMOSEXUAL

SYLVIA!

SYLVIA

HEY!

The group begins to embrace THE HOMOSEXUAL. It is a happy moment for all. 

STEVE

GOD! I’ve missed you!

THE HOMOSEXUAL laughs as he rubs STEVES tuft of hair. STEVE embraces the HOMOSEXUAL. 

STEVE

Marty! How has ya been?

MARTY THE HOMOSEXUAL

Confused. Confused Darling.

Offscreen, we hear a baby crying. The group paid no attention to this. One of the characters, A POET embraces MARTY. The crying grows louder. Few pay attention. In the background, the infant's crying grows louder and louder until it is unbearable. SYD is the first one to notice. Amongst the talking and hugging, SYD perks up, in a form of agitation. His ears shoot up. 

SYD

Did someone leave a baby in here?

His complaint goes unheard. The crying increases in volume. 

SYD

I think someone left a baby in here.

SYLVIA notices SYD’s agitation. The crying is almost animalistic. It is very loud now. Someone begins to grimace, lifting their foot in mild disgust. It is fluid. 

SYLVIA

Something wrong?

SYD winces. Everyone covers their ears as the wailing becomes unbearable to listen to. The room is very dark. 

MARTY

Someone turn on the light!

A flicker of the match. The room is oozing of pulsating muscle. It very closely resembles the woman's womb. Someone gags. 

STEVE

Alright, if we just find a portal...

Without warning something resembling a three week- human fetus reaches out from the pulsating walls. SYD responds by running. She trips over a 3-week old fetus. The three-week-old fetus latches on to her hoof. She gives out a mild scream as she tosses the fetus off her thigh. STEVE runs in the other direction. Everyone begins to split. We cut to a different scene. THE POET moves closer. 

THE POET

Oh gosh golly, I hope I don’t run into any fetuses. 

A fetus reaches towards him. He screams in a high pitched manner. 

Without thinking, he grabs a piece of chalk. He whistles. SYD is too busy running and kicking fetuses off her body. She bumps into the POET. The rest of the gang crash through the wall. THE POET begins to draw a circle onto the muscular wall. The circle begins to glow. A brief flicker of light flashes, and grows brighter. The glow overwhelms the group. A great vacuum of air sucks everyone inside. 

EVERYONE

-Screams-

We cut to black. Once more, we fade into the scene. The scene has grown blurry. Everyone mutters. There is a grunt. 

SYLVIA

Where are we? 

(Someone offscreen)

library.

She gets up. 

SYLVIA

We’re in a school library.

SYLVIA looks around as she takes in her surroundings. True to be told, she is inside what appears to be a public school library. Inside teenagers speak in hushed tones. No one is smiling. Inside, who we presume to be a socially awkward teenager sits alone, avoiding the noisy cafeteria. She stuffs her cheeks with a sandwich. 

Horror kicks in as she realizes that THE IDIOT has been left behind. 

SYLVIA

We left THE IDIOT behind….

The scene slowly fades into black. Cut to credits.

Have sex with me. No. have sex with me. No. have sex with me. Negatory. If you don’t have sex with me then I won’t release your daughter. Grunting. Groaning. The poet smirks at this. Having held captive the ambiguous looking hooker. What happens at this point is that there is general back and forth over same-sex characters. It’s funny because two of the characters are both homosexuals. Cue the drum roll. 

I don’t have a daughter. 

What?

The poet is briefly confused at this. How can he not have a daughter? Surely, the long hair and the high pitched voice is not an indicator of a female. He frowns, holding up the protesting drummer. The striking blue eyes, the come hither glance. Ah, the curse of modern-day America. He frowns, glancing at the first homosexual and the modern-day prostitute. That's a prostitute. No shit sherlock. Of course, it’s a prostitute. Not the one you would think of. The wail of the woman in labor briefly catches them off guard. How long has it been? Three hours, four hours? Has it been that long of a time? They turn to see the woman howling in pain. Daemen is not pleased about letting the first homosexual go. The pregnant woman lurches forth, in mid labor. Puffing. Panting. The head of the infant has yet to come out. Please help. Why should I help you? Please help. Groaning, grunting. Red cheeks. About to collapse on the pavement. Crawling like the walking undead. 

Please help-

She collapses. The opening is far wide now. Puttering. The head comes out like a meatball. The anamorphic animal reaches forth and grabs the radio. Play a copyrighted song. Mock it. Stop! The anamorphic animal twists his head. Switch off the radio. Click. The opening is distorted. Howling. God knows why there is an infant's head sliding out like a meatball splattering to the kitchen floor. An unwritten fantasy. 

I had a fever once. Muttering. The pudgy animal sucks in his cheeks as he observes the broken woman. I can’t. How hard is it-Labour breathing? Through the diaphragm, into the nose. Walking like a zombie on ketamine, the doctor pulls out his stethoscope. Head about to explode, he straightens his coat. The baby's head slips out. Like a hotdog covered in castor oil. Not feet first. Feet first is a sure sign of death. We speak of the first trauma. Not the dead body in the garage reeking of gas. Not the father downing his last drink. No, the first trauma is rather the collective sigh of an infant. A fantasy. Coughing. Gasping. 

Pregnant woman

Help…

Doctor 

I wish I could. 

And now copyrighted music. The doctor turns on the radio. The former man, now pregnant woman widens his eyes in horror as the song she had written is playing free for all to listen. We cut to the doctor pulling off his mask. STEVE. The organist. Another doctor pulls off his mask. Sweet cold victory. 

The pregnant woman

-Screams in pain-

STEVE is not qualified to be a doctor. He moves closer. The PREGNANT WOMAN is mildly horrified at seeing STEVE. He weakly moves forward. Another doctor pulls his mask off. It is Sparkly twinkly toes, another person who the PREGNANT WOMAN has pissed off. Another character, another foe of THE PREGNANT WOMAN rips off his mask. 

PREGNANT WOMAN  
  
You can’t play that song! I own the rights to that song!

She screams even louder. STEVE turns up the radio. THE PREGNANT WOMAN lets out an unearthly screech as she pushes even harder. In pain. The Darkside of STEVE would never condone revenge, but in the underworld, the impulse of every human being or animal for that matter is now there. He had never felt so much animosity before. Now the time stands still as he pulls out the forceps.

THE PREGNANT WOMAN  
  
STEVE! How am I going to afford that gold plated swimming pool? 

STEVE

I don’t know.  
  


The pregnant woman gives a mild push. She screams. Question. Why is the dude pregnant? The man is pregnant because of complicated nonsense, but because he sat on the toilet, and was presumably distracted when everyone came out of the mirror over the sink. You’re kidding me. Nope. I’m not joking here. Ask the divine creator. The first doctor shrugs as if this is completely normal. Who’s the divine creator? The divine creator is a distractible fifteen to sixteen-year-old junior on the spectrum who is writing events as an unhealthy form of coping with the fact that she can’t drive yet. 

STEVE

Do you mean to say our divine creator can barely drive? 

SPARKLY TWINKLE TOES  
  
Fraid so. 

STEVE  
  
Are you telling me that the reason we exist on this dreary planet is that a sixteen-year-old with a disability cannot get her license? 

SPARKLY TWINKLE TOES  
  
….

STEVE

-shaking his head-  
  
I need a drink. 

  
THE PREGNANT WOMAN 

-cutting in-

So do I.

STEVE  
  
How is this even possible?

  
THE PREGNANT WOMAN  
  
Just get it out of me STEVE!

STEVE  
  
I’m not qualified for this. 

He thinks for a moment. He is unprepared, with no gloves, no undergarment, not a single smock on him. He is mildly concerned, knowing full well that he is going to kill the baby. He pulls on some of the gloves. I can’t forgive you for this. He thinks to himself, pacing, back and forth. He wonders, surely the prostitute has some good ideas? 

STEVE

-in deep thought-  
  
Regina!

He takes out a cigarette. He lights it. Coughing, hacking, he puffs on it. The pregnant woman takes no issue with this. She sits, huffing, and huffing, and huffing once more. The baby inside of her slowly reeling out. A professional doctor would put out the cancerous stick from his mouth. No, a professional surgeon, or whatever it was called, would have thrown out STEVE for smoking in front of the baby. Yet STEVE did not pay attention to the woman who used to be a man wail prismatically. 

STEVE 

-quietly-

Tell me that the condom broke and you slipped on something. 

He puffed. Waiting for an answer. Waiting for something to happen. While the corruptive copyrighted music played, STEVE wondered why on earth he was alive in the first place. He wasn’t a doctor. He wasn’t even to be alive in the first place. STEVE thinks for a moment. He turns around to watch the PREGNANT WOMAN howl once more. Good. he turns back, waiting for another punishment. This is getting too weird. He puffed on the cigarette. He remembered what it was to feel alive. He remembered fifty no seventy years flashing by. The screams of the pregnant woman howling, felt almost like comfort. He wasn’t the only one to die. He stood in the hallway, in his hell, waiting for the baby to be delivered. The baby was going to be mucus-covered, screeching, howling, like a banshee. Four to eighteen months of howling, screeching keeping the mother up. Good. That'll keep the mother up, for endless days and nights. The little monster clamping on the breast. Steve stood in the hallway of the ward, wondering if it was right for him to leave. Would it be ok if I left the maternity ward, alone? Saint’s alive, it was going to be a disaster. He resisted the urge to primarily peer into the hole which used to house two testicles and a sausage. By god, it was going to be a disaster. He grimaces. 

STEVE  
  
How far along is she? 

No answer. The two doctors who used to be his coworkers watch as whatever was the opposite of the virgin Mary crawl out meticulously. The baby howled, echoing alongside the hallway. The pregnant woman screeched along with it. Unbeknownst to them, a crowd begins to form watching the ceremony. CROWD murmuring to themselves. STEVE answers his question.


	10. Chapter 10

FRANK looks over his notes. He notices that several animals are looking highly out of place of the college library. There is a scuffle as a mystical pony begins to retreat to a quiet corner. A brief flicker. He decides not to bother them. He continues to look over the biography of demonology. A pink looking pony rushes up to him. 

FRANK

You ok?

SYD says nothing. She looks at the book. FRANK continues to read the book. Inside, a caption reads, “ worn by the wrong member of the feline family will generally result in embryonaization. In short, the wearer will regress into infancy. 

FRANK looks up. SYD twitches. SYD observes the computer area. There are computers. A brief moment of panic crosses her mind as it suddenly occurs to her that this is the wrong period. There are computers. There are people engrossed in small squares. There is no pot. There are people. People are touching her. FRANK attempts to pay no attention to SYD. 

SYD

What year is it?

FRANK




SYD begins to panic. Without warning, she quietly retreats to the far corner of the library. FRANK continues to read some more religious iconography. He reaches over. The phone begins to ring. He picks it up. 

VOICE ON THE OTHER END

JESUS H. I’M IN A LOT OF PAIN. HELP ME. GAAAH. 

FRANK

Is this some joke to you?

VOICE ON THE OTHER END

AHHH. 

FRANK

Is this some prank call? 

VOICE ON THE OTHER END

-garbled-

FRANK

-laughing-

This is a prank call. I’m going to hang up. 

VOICE ON THE OTHER END

no!

He hangs up. The phone rings again. FRANK looks at it. A brief moment of consideration. He does not pick up the phone. The phone continues to ring. Frank ignores it. The phone continues to ring. Frank ignores it. The phone begins to ring. FRANK ignores it. The phone goes to voicemail. 

VOICEMAIL

The number you’re trying to call is unavailable at the moment. Please leave your message after the beep. 

SFX of a beep.

PREGNANT WOMAN

FRANK! HELP ME! I'm IN HORRENDOUS PAIN!

SFX of a beep.

This catches FRANK's attention. The phone continues to ring as the HOUSEWIFE walks nearby. This also catches the attention of the librarian who promptly shhs them. A crash follows the shhing. Another crash as several of the shelves, like dominos fall to the ground. Everyone reacts to the crashing of the shelves by turning their attention towards the source of the sound. The LIBRIAIN promptly walks towards the fallen shelves. FRANK looks at his phone. 

FRANK

How does that lady know my name? 

Now distracted. The handmaids begin to prepare to fight in the middle of the library. 

HANDMAIDEN 

Now, it is time for us to destroy you!

She prepares a spell. Behind her, SYD a potential handmaiden groans in pain. 

SYD

My poop smells funny. 

HANDMAIDEN ONE

What do you mean your tummy hurts?

SYD

I don’t know. 

A beat. 

SYD

I’m fine.

HANDMAIDEN ONE

Are you sure about that? 

A beat. 

HANDMAIDEN ONE walks over to a section. She returns holding a book titled, “That time of the month”. 

HANDMAIDEN ONE

I think you need this. 

SYD glances towards the rest of the group. The menstrual menace has stopped the fighting for now. SYD does not look at the book. FRANK approaches her. 

FRANK

Anything I could help you out with? 

HANDMAIDEN

No. 

SYD

Why are you giving me this book? I’m not menstruating.

HANDMAIDEN

I think it’s that time of the month. 

FRANK looks over the books. Behind him the magical ponies discuss matters. 

PEGASUS 

REGINA is going to be fine right? She won’t remember us, right. 

THE LEAD GUITARIST frowns at this. FRANK turns around to face them. He is STEVE from a parallel dimension. STEVE enters from a parallel dimension disgusted with seeing the insides of his bandmates vulva. 

STEVE

No. No. I’m out. 

A slam of the door. FRANK pauses. He turns to face STEVE. The two beings from two dimensions pause as they touch each other in amazement. There is a brief flash of light. The two souls have merged into one being. FRANK shakes his head in amazement. Turning around he rushes back to the library. 

A beat. We cut back to the lady in labor. 

THE PREGNANT WOMAN 

STEVE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

She is sweating bullets. With a medic and a handful of maidens, she is giving birth to an infant in the hospital. 

THE PREGNANT WOMAN

-prolonged screaming-

A beat. REGINIAs WIFE enters the maternity ward. 

REGINA LOVER

Where’s my husband?

REGINA continues to scream out in pain. In the middle of labor. 

PREGNANT WOMAN

-prolonged screaming-

REGINA's PARTNER

This isn’t my husband. Are you insane?

REGINA TURNS TO FACE HER LOVER. TEARS ARE STREAKING DOWN HER FACE. SHE ATTEMPTS TO CLUTCH HER LOVERS HAND. HER LOVER REJECTS THE HAND, DISGUSTED BY THE WOMAN ATTEMPTING TO TAKE HER HUSBAND'S NAME. 

PREGNANT WOMAN

-prolonged screaming-

A beat. The doctor feeds her ice chips. She grips the handmaiden's hand. She howls anomalistically.

PREGNANT WOMAN

-SCREAMING-

The pregnant woman clutches a handmaiden's hand while sitting on the bench. Her moan becomes another primitive howl.

PREGNANT WOMAN

-Various labored breathing, then more screaming. Extremely angry, pain driven- 

She throws her head back, groaning, in pain. Howling has become deeper. Her nipples are somewhat pressed against the sheet. Ice chips dribbled. More ice chips are shoved into her mouth. 

PREGNANT WOMAN

-Screaming-

Cont.

PREGNANT WOMAN

-cont SCREAMING-

1940s tape is played on the VHS player. 

Narrator

Welcome to that time of the month. I’ll be Seth abaddadon. The time of the month is sponsored by Abaddon villages. 

Footage of the time of the month. A teenage girl is putting on her tampon. 

SETH Abaddon

A woman goes through many changes throughout her life. But the biggest one is when she starts to ovulate. 

SYD looks at the television. 

SETH Abaddon

More importantly, that change comes with budding breasts. I’d squeeze those honkers. 

SYD looks at the television. 

SETH Abaddon

More importantly, these changes come with a change in clothes. 

Footage of a woman exposing her left shoulder. SYD continues to look at the television screen. Almost transfixed, zombie-like at the screen. 

The scene ends...


	11. Chapter 11

THE STUDENT  
-to self-

How are we going to exorcise that demon? I haven’t had the faintest. Think up of one fast. I told ya, I don’t know how to exorcise demons. The college student glances at the HOUSEWIFE. I’m not sure if I can give you a solution to exorcising demons. Can’t we just research it on the internet?  _ We can do that, sure.  _

_ INT.LIBRARY. DAY. _

STUDENT

Here’s an article on a band that went missing in 1963. It’s unrelated. 

HOUSEWIFE

How is this going to work?

A beat. 

HOUSEWIFE

Here’s one. 

She turns to the student. 

HOUSEWIFE

Use a tablespoon of salt, and flick it repeatedly. Say the power of Christ compels you. Upon doing so, you will automatically go super Saiyan, and master the dragon balls… That sounds stupid.

STUDENT

Or use holy water.

They turn to the screen. They share a glance. 

STUDENT

On October 31st, 2014, a church exploded. The witnesses reported a seductive female and a fourteen-year-old with a disability illegally driving a 98 white honda. Witnesses say that the pastor quickly packed his clothes, intending to head out to las vegas. The church exploded, in a chorus of holy dynamite. This type of holy dynamite can be bought illegally across the Wisconsin border. 

HOUSEWIFE

The car, the witnesses say, was powered with virgins. 

A beat

HOUSEWIFE

That’s typical nonsense. 

STUDENT

Look!

They read the computer screen. 

STUDENT

On December 31st, 2014, a couple of minors were killed. The colleagues say that they had no idea what was going on at the time. In a weird twist of events, a woman was strapped up in a bed in the medical theatre of the campus. 

A beat. 

STUDENT

The woman in question possibly struggled with psychosis and epileptic seizures. She was quarantined, at the local hospital ward.

The two turn to each other. 

STUDENT 

In January of 2015, that woman was put on several antipsychotics.

HOUSEWIFE

-Thinking- 

Anything else?

STUDENT

Nothing much. 

An ad pops up. 

NARRATOR

A humble man.

A caucasian male walks down the street. 

NARRATOR

A time-traveling stripper. 

NARRATOR

A blended family. 

Cut to family. White family. 

NARRATOR

Fun for the whole family!

SON

Mom, what’s this?

We cut to him pointing to a pornographic film. 

STEPMOM

Nothing sweetie!

STEPSON

Mmh! candy!

He stuffs some sexually explicit candy in his mouth. The mother appears somewhat mortified. 

Biological mother

You let our son do what? 

Stepmother takes off her earrings. 

STEPMOTHER

Oh, it is on biotch!

The two begin to fight each other. 

NARRATOR

Coming spring of 2021, cause of coronavirus. Stay inside folks. 

The short ends. 


	12. Chapter 12

  
  
We cut to the curly-haired cat pulling on his hair. He goes to bed. A beat. We cut to a painful scream. Pulling. Yanking at the tar-covered hair. 

HAROLD  
Why does this happen to me?

He yanks on the hair. A couple of the schoolgirls look horrified at this. Some giggling. 

SYLVIA  
How did you get tar in your hair?

HAROLD  
I can’t get it out!

SYLVIA  
That’s crazy, HAROLD!

SYLVIA

(Con’t)  
Did someone do this to you?

HAROLD begins to sob. SYLVIA continues to pull at the perm. She is unhappy with the tar-covered hair.   
  
SYLVIA

This is crazy HAROLD. Who would put tar in your hair?  
REGINA’s Partner enters the room. FRANK is writing a thesis. 

FRANK  
Do you need some help?

REGINA’s partner  
I just can’t right now. 

FRANK  
Oh, just got out of a relationship?

He puts his arm around REGINA’s partner. 

FRANK  
Do you want to talk about it? 

REGINA nods. Suggesting a need for comfort. 

FRANK  
Do you need a drink or something?

REGINAs lover turns around to face FRANK the camel. FRANK begins to massage her shoulders. 

FRANK   
-monologuing-  
What else was I supposed to do? She was single, right? Did she need my help right?  
  
We cut to the two in bed. REGINA’s lover is caressing his stomach.   
FRANK

It was the right thing to do.  
  
We cut to the two in mid-coitus.   
  
FRANK

She needed my comfort. 

We cut to the two drinking wine. Dancing. Thrusting. Grunting, groaning. REGINA’s lover makes out with FRANK. 

FRANK  
Nothings going to go wrong.   
  
REGINA’s lover continues to make out with FRANK. The lovemaking has become very sloppy which in turn has turned into hardcore thrusting. Her phone buzzes. 

FRANK  
I love you.  
  
REGINA’s LOVER  
I love you.   
The two continue to have sexual intercourse. Making out. The bed is being broken.   
  
FRANK  
How does REGINA feel about this?   
REGINA’s lover  
Don’t worry about REGINA. Worry about us. 

FRANK  
-to self-  
I shouldn’t be doing this.  
  
REGINA’s lover  
Don’t worry about it.   
  
FRANK  
Is this even right?   
  
REGINA  
Ssh.

FRANK  
I shouldn’t be-  
  
REGINA covers FRANK’s mouth with her paw. FRANK begins to relax somewhat slightly. He prepares for round two.   
  
REGINA’s lover  
Just satisfy me. I’m unsatisfied.   
  
FRANK  
I don’t know what-  
  
REGINA  
REGINA could never satisfy me.   
elsewhere, REGINA has given birth. She is tired. The baby is suckling her left tit. It is mucusy and red.   
  
BABY  
-crying-  
  
REGINA tears up at this. 

REGINA  
\- is that it?  
  
The handmaidens take the infant away.   
  
REGINA  
Oof.   
  
Feeling the effects of the antrophosasitc, she settles on the bed. A gash is on her stomach. Several stitches are on her stomach.   
  
REGINA sobs quietly.   
  
INT. SCHOOL DORMITORY. NIGHT.   
  
A montage of the 2010s/2020s. SYD is having none of this. She hides underneath the blankets. HAROLD is uninterested in SYLVIA. SYLVIA is showing a massive interest in him. A digital artist is attracted to HAROLD.   
  
Digital artist  
…  
  
This catches HAROLDS' attention.   
  
DIGITAL ARTIST  
-gushing-  
I, like, am such a huge astronomy nerd.  
  
HAROLD scooches over. HAROLD is highly interested in DIGITAL ARTIST. We cut to the two having a makeout session on the couch. SYLVIA is mildly fuming next to them. SYLVIA thinks for a moment. Cut to chopping up of the hair. SYD looks at her.   
  
SYD  
  
What are you doing?

SYLVIA  
Salt.   
  
SYD sniffs. She becomes wonky. SYLVIA turns to FRANK the CAMEL. 

SYLVIA  
FRANK!   
  
FRANK looks up.  
  
SYLVIA  
I don’t believe we’ve met.   
  
  
FRANK

You’re right. We haven’t.

SYLVIA  
What are the chances that REGINA finds out you’ve been sleeping with her wife?

FRANK

Hopefully slim.   
  
SYLVIA

Are you sure about that?  
  
FRANK

I’m positive.

SYLVIA

Hmm. 

FRANK  
  
What’s the matter?

Interrupting SYLVIA, REGINA bursts through the doorway, sobbing. It is clear to all that she is very upset. This outburst causes some of the characters to look up from their game of “playing God.” This of course is a game in which you mess with the genetics of a human being. Or an animal.   
  
Regardless, REGINA is very upset.   
  
REGINA   
-blubbering-  
  
HAROLD, SYD, SYLVIA, and FRANK dash out of the room. In the distance, REGINA is noticeably blubbering about being the cuckold. We cut to the protagonists rushing through the library. Behind them, REGINA howls in anguish. FRANK holds SYLVIAs hoof, forgetting for a brief second about the HOUSEWIFE. REGINA continues to sob. FRANK is confused about the banshee. He tiptoes. Behind them, a secret stairway. The wailing continues. He sneaks out of the emergency door. The door wails and flashes bright lights. 

SYD gives a mild yell. FRANK cuts him off. SYLVIA leaps out of a window. There is crashing. Swearing, as SYLVIA, thrusts herself out of the bushes. SYD runs through the bushes. HAROLD scoots out of the school.

The gang doesn’t stop running until they reach the farmhouse. As if consequently, REGINAs sobbing echoes, a consequence of the cuckolding that previously ensued. FRANK gallops, reaching SYDs pace. SYLVIA doesn’t look back. The school becomes faint. The death wails are sharp, ringing along with the street lights. FRANK, racing SYD, quickened his pace.   
  
Several miles later. There is a phone buzzing. FRANK bangs on the wooden door.   
  
FRANK

SYD, don’t say anything.   
  
SYD

I want to be a doctor. 

HAROLD

FRANK, what is going on?

FRANK

Don’t breathe a word of this to REGINA. 

HAROLD

You slept with her wife.

FRANK

I did.   
  
HAROLD

Nice going.   
An elderly man opens the door.

ELDERLY HUSBAND

FRANK?

FRANK

I’m going to sleep over here for the night.   
  
The HOUSEWIFE emerges from the doorway. SHE is disengaged. She looks around, counting the heads of the group. HAROLD coughs in embarrassment. FRANK the CAMEL is unsure of what to do. Is it STEVE’s final word against REGINA? Could this be an effect of living in the underworld for too long?  
  
HOUSEWIFE  
FRANK, is something wrong?  
  
FRANK enters the house. It is going to be a long night. The members of the family, are awake. The rest of the group enter the farmhouse. 

FRANK turns to the trio. 

FRANK  
We’re camping in the annex.   
  
The annex is the safest place at the moment. Harold grimaces.   
End scene. 


	13. Chapter 13

Harold  
I don't know how to tell you this.   
  
FRANK  
Tell me what?

HAROLD  
I just feel angry.  
  
FRANK  
Why are you angry?  
  
HAROLD  
I dunno.  
  
FRANK  
Are you angry about something?

HAROLD  
I don’t know why I feel like this.   
  
HAROLD  
(cont)  
I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.   
  
FRANK  
You were doing so fine last night.  
  
HAROLD the cat  
I just woke up feeling shitty.   
The two pause.   
  
HAROLD  
I feel like I’m in the middle of a war that can’t be won.   
  
A pause.   
  
HAROLD  
-to self-  
I can’t sleep at night, I can’t eat breakfast. God knows I’ll wake up again. I can’t keep a schedule. I know I’ll self destruct again.   
  
FRANK nods. 

HAROLD  
I’m aware I’m making poor choices.   
  
FRANK  
I notice that you’ve slept past noon. Could you explain that?  
  
He points to the clock. It reads 1;30.  
  
HAROLD  
I can’t stop making poor decisions. I don’t remember when I last took care of myself.   
  
A beat. 

HAROLD

I can’t-  
  
A beat.   
  
SYLVIA cuts in. The two are discussing matters in the living room.   
  
SYLVIA

Don’t feel so angry. Kick someone in the ballsack. 

FRANK turns around.   
  
FRANK

What!?  
  
SYLVIA

I mean you could kick someone in the balls.   
  
FRANK  
  
Isn’t that technically assault?

SYLVIA

They do it all the time in looney toons.   
  
SYLVIA is reading the script.   
  
SYLVIA  
  
It says someone has to be kicked in the balls.   
  
FRANK

Let me see that. 

SYLVIA

Right there. Got to kick someone in the nuts.   
  
FRANK  
  
That’s illegal on so many levels.

SYLVIA

Nope. Got to rip it out. 

SYLVIA reads the script.   
  
SYLVIA

Upon ripping out the nuts, the character will accomplish a fatality.   
  
FRANK

What's a fatality?   
  
SYLVIA  
I dunno. 

INT. FARMHOUSE LIVING ROOM. DAY.   
  
We cut to SYLVIA furiously typing on the computer. SYD is in the basement. The two characters are talking in the background. Click. Typing. Suddenly, SYLVIA calls out to all three characters.   
  
SYLVIA  
  
We’ve got four one way tickets to Cambridge.  
  
SYD

How lovely, I always wanted to visit the UK.   
  
SYLVIA  
  
I also found some cleats.   
  
SYD  
  
Cleats?

  
INT. AIRPORT. DAY.   
  
SECURITY   
  
Are those cleats in your baggage?

SYLVIA

-lying-  
  
No.   
  
SYD chimes in. 

SYD  
  
Yes.   
  
The security guard snaps his glove.   
  
SECURITY  
  
We’ve got a situation.   
  
SEVERAL security officers arrive on the scene.   
  
We cut to the four characters stuck at the airport. SYLVIA glances at SYD who has no idea how to act at an airport. SYLVIA glances at her suitcase. She glances back at SYD.  
  
We cut to O’HARE airport.   
  
HAROLD the cat wears his cloak. FRANK clutches SYD by the hoof. SYD does not look thrilled about going on the airplane. Knowing full well, that SYD doesn’t know how to behave appropriately in a post 9/11 environment, FRANK clutches SYD. Several instructions are being blared out on the speaker. There are a lot of people talking. In short, the environment is very scary and loud for someone on the spectrum. We cut to a bunch of posters with the victims of the virus.   
  
SYLVIA

Hopefully, no one will recognize us.   
  
SYD  
Too loud.   
  
FRANK cuts in.   
  
FRANK

SYD, I think we should think about a thing or two about flight etiquette.   
  
SYD  
  
What's that supposed to mean?  
  
FRANK  
It means that you’re not supposed to move at a certain speed while you're walking, or in this case, galloping through the metal detector.  
  
SYD   
How does that make any sense?

FRANK  
Times have changed. 

SYD  
I don’t think I can do it. 

FRANK  
Of course, you can do it. 

SYD  
It seems too impossible. 

FRANK

Don’t be silly. First, we put the luggage over here.   
  
FRANK places the suitcase on the moving convey. It chugs along on the moving elevator. 

FRANK

It doesn’t seem too hard…  
We cut to the inside of the airport. 

ANNOUNCER

Flight delayed.

FRANK  
SYD, hang on a second. 

ANNOUNCER

Flight 45 is being delayed.   
  
FRANK clutches SYD. It is clear to all that she’s mildly stressed. SYLVIA mutters to herself, pacing back and forth.

SYLVIA

I can’t take it anymore FRANK. 

FRANK 

Are you OK?

SYLVIA  
  
I’m FINE!

A beat.   
  
SYLVIA

I didn’t take my medication today. Small wonder on why I’m irritable.   
  
FRANK THE CAMEL

SYLVIA…  
  
SYD bounces around. FRANK continues to hold on to SYD. Meow sits, pondering.

SYD  
I’m quite nervous.  
  
MEOW  
I don’t understand airports…  
  
The announcements turn on. 

ANNOUNCER

Flight 24. Flight 24.   
FRANK  
Not very much. 

SYLVIA  
What are the chances of Reginia turning up?   
  
FRANK  
Slim. we should be fine.   
  
SYD begins to wander off. FRANK whistles. The noise is beginning to overstimulate her. She wanders over to the posters. Each one talking about returning home… FRANK catches her attention with a chocolate bar.   
  
INT. PLANE. DAY.   
  
We cut to the entire cast wearing masks. Just weaning off the latter phases. No one is talking during the flight. Just silence.   
  
SYD

Why is everyone wearing a mask? 

FRANK puts on his mask. He urges SYD to do so.   
  
The plane stops.

ANNOUNCER

Folks, the thought just occurred to me that maybe this isn’t a great idea…  
  
FRANK

Oh for fu-

We cut back to a harsh cold reality.   
  
FRANK

That didn’t work out so hot. 

SYLVIA

We need another plan of action. 

FRANK

What else are we going to do?  
  
SYD   
  
That was pointless.   
  
FRANK shrugs in frustration. He looks around trying to find a solution to the answer.   
  
FRANK  
  
Oh right. Social distancing.   
  
SYLVIA

-reading the script-  
  
ACTIVIST  
  
It sure is a nice day out.   
  
A beat. Out of nowhere, FRANK gallops to the TOURIST. He rips out his testicles. fatality.   
  
ACTIVIST

Ow!  
  
He begins to cry. There is a lot of blood pouring out of what used to be his testicles. SECURITY GUARDS begin to show up in swarms like bees. 

FRANK  
I should run.   
  
A chase ensues. 

FRANK

This was a lot less hilarious than I anticipated. 

FRANK continues to run out of the o’ hare airport. The trio follows suit. SYLVIA clutches the two nimrods. FRANK has been banned from this airport. Then again, no one can fly...   
  
...FRANK keeps running.   
The scene ends. 


	14. Chapter 14

An explosion. We cut to the HOUSEWIFE reading a newspaper. We cut to a local shopping market. Outside a mother dressed in the 1940s/fifties uniform pulls along her stubborn child. The HOUSEWIFE looks up. THIS IS REGINA. THE HOUSEWIFE does not pay any attention to the nervous-looking child, seemingly an outsider to the superficial American dream personified in the aisle. The child looks on in mild terror as he is overwhelmed with the sharp bright sounds of the patrons walking by. THE CHILD says nothing. NEXT to the HOUSEWIFE, a RACOON dressed in NANNY clothing speaks nervously in german.

NANNY

This is right, eh?

THE HOUSEWIFE nods at this. She glances at the mother, indicating a potential customer. Behind them, a ridiculous fight ensues. It is abundantly clear that one of the characters is about to…

Well… fight. 

SKUNK

Get down from there!

DOG 

Make me!

SKUNK

Gah!

DOG

I rescued you from that mental institution!

SKUNK

Shut up!

The dog hangs from the pipe on the roof. The child, a stranger to the fast-paced American culture, wanders over to the commotion. The small child is very quiet. 

SMALL CHILD

What are you doing?

SKUNK

We’re going to go super Saiyan!

SMALL CHILD

What's that?

SKUNK

You’ve never seen dragon ball z?

DOG

-gasping-

My sweet summer child, how could you not understand what dragon ball z is? It’s a television show.

SMALL CHILD

Whats TV?

SKUNK

TV.

THE SKUNK blinks. This is an indicator that the SMALL CHILD is very sheltered. Another indicator of him being in an inappropriate period. 

SKUNK

It's a thing that people watch. 

SMALL CHILD

Ah, so you watch something on a screen. 

This is not a good sign. Probably an indicator that they should run. 

SMALL 

So let me get this straight, you consume media daily. Like junk food. 

SKUNK

We didn’t say anything about that. 

SMALL CHILD

You consume, feeding into the system... 

SKUNK

You could say that. 

Offscreen someone is admiring some knives in the kitchen aisle. 

CAT

These knives look really nice...

YAK

As I was saying… I told you, if I need to fight someone to the death on live TV, I might as well look good doing so. 

CAT

What would make a good outfit?

YAK 

I’m not sure. 

The two continue to look at the knives. There is a lot of discussions. We cut to a dressing room. There is a shout as the woman shows that she is upset over the fact that the clothes that SYD is wearing are now ruined due to her being on her monthly. 

STORE CLERK

Why didn’t you tell me you were on your cycle?

SYD

I didn’t know!

FRANK apologizes professionally as the STORE CLERK, now flustered, begins to organize the clothes in piles. 

STORE CLERK

What’s wrong with you?

SYD does not know how to respond to this. FRANK grabs the clothes. 

FRANK

I’ll pay for this. 

STORE CLERK

-somewhat flustered-

That’s coming out of my paycheck. 

FRANK grabs the clothes. He glances towards the feminine hygiene products. 

FRANK

Where are the tampons?

STORE CLERK

Aisle 8.

She points very frustratedly with the two. We cut to two lovers browsing the book section. 

LOVER ONE

How do we smite our enemies?

LOVER TWO

Oh!

She points to how to achieve god-mode in fiction. The two lovers begin to browse the pages. We assume the two lovers to be members of DLLG. An unknown organization. 

LOVER ONE

According to this… to achieve god mode, one must absorb all of the energy in the room. Doing so will accomplish super mode. 

We cut back to the same characters. THE SKUNK is absorbing all of the energy in the room. 

DOG

Is it me, or is it getting cold? 

THE SKUNK

Just you. 

The dog says nothing as the SKUNK begins to absorb the energy in the room. A brief flash of light flickers as all energy in the room. Another brief flash of light as THE SKUNK goes into super mode. The screen cuts to white. We cut to pop then, a ringing noise. We fade in. THE SMALL boy lies, lifeless. The mother runs over to him. He does not move. The mother holds her child, tears welling up in her eyes. She holds the cloak like a blanket. 

RACOON

Scheisse.

***shit.

We cut to the outside of the supermarket. An ER is talking to the mother who is sobbing and nodding. THE RACOON nods, taking in the damage. THE DOG from earlier wanders over to him. THE RACOON from earlier rolls her eyes. 

THE DOG

-speaking in german-. 

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Hat es wehgetan als du vom Himmel gefallen bist? 

Elsewhere, SAM is watching several men talk in a group. Not understanding the social nuances, he butts in, from far away. 

SAM

-struggling somewhat socially-

I think the giant river otters should have gotten smallpox. 

\

Someone offscreen

What did you say you little shit?

A very angry passerby runs up to him. SAM, ignoring his angry expression on his face, remains calm, not understanding how that can come off. 

ANGRY PASSERBY 

How dare you insinuate that RIVER OTTERS get smallpox?

THE ANGRY PASSERBY’s mother gets involved. SAM cannot understand how inappropriate this is. 

SAM

I’m just saying that the GIANT RIVER OTTERS should have gotten smallpox.

THE ANGRY PASSERBY’s mother

Get him HENRY!

HENRY begins to lay into SAM’s lack of social skills. 

SAM

Why are you so angry? I’m right, aren’t I? 

We cut to the inside of the car. Inside. EVERYONE is beginning to get ready for the FUNERAL. An extreme cut to the radio. We listen to a presumably white middle-aged man speaking over the radio.

MAN over radio

I tell you, it’s those immigrants…

The radio scratches over. We cut to the NANNY who has come to the country as a result of a work permit. Babysitting for an English couple. 

MAN OVER THE RADIO

It isn’t fair to the system. We can’t have those Germans sneaking over, and taking our jobs…

THE NANNY gulps at this. 

MAN OVER THE RADIO

It’s cheating.

THE SKUNK seethes at this. She clutches the seat. Sweating. Heart palpitating. 

MAN OVER THE RADIO

Right? 

We cut to a flashy gas station. Ext. shot. Another character oddly resembling REGINA frowns as he walks through the gas station. Fisheye angle. We cut to the remnants of a bygone era. Tabloids in one corner. An AMERICAN FLAG hides out in the corner. He stares into the security camera. Flashes of American propaganda flicker on the screen. Flashes of the upcoming election. An air conditioner hums into the distance. This is the source of REGINA. In short, it’s REG. 

MAN OVER THE COUNTER

Need something?

REGGY

No. I’m fine. 

MAN OVER THE COUNTER

Not from around here are you?

REGGY

I’m not. 

REGGY coughs, while he is speaking. Another sharp cough. More like hacking. 

REGGY

I don’t have a lot of time…

Cut to black. 


	15. Chapter 15

Cut to black. We open with narration. It is very distant. As if we are seeing things from another POV. The environment is very hostile. Unfriendly. To the immigrant, we see a different place. A different time. We fade in, somewhat disoriented.   
  
REG  
What time is it?

MAN OVER THE COUNTER  
12.  
  
He thinks for a moment. Taking in the post tyrannical propaganda. 

REG  
Jesus Christ.  
  
He lays on the floor. 

MAN OVER THE COUNTER

What do you mean you don’t have enough time?

REG  
I don’t want to tell you. 

MAN ON THE COUNTER

What? Are you infected or something?   
  
We cut to a different scene. We cut to the SKUNK, who has just learned that the B/W cat has ravished her mother when she was younger. The SKUNK recalls the incident with great displeasure.  
  
SKUNK  
What do you mean you’ve had sexual intercourse with my mother?   
  
BW cat  
I used the warm welcome on her.   
  
This is a mild trauma of the SKUNK. She lunges forward. THE SKUNK is furious with the BW cat. This destroyed her relationship with her mother.   
  
SKUNK  
You bastard!  
  
THE CAT dodges. 

SKUNK  
You ruined my life! I hope you get gonorrhea!  
  
CAT

Easy now…  
  
SKUNK  
I’m a bastard child in the eye of god!   
  
She attempts to lunge once more. The pegasus prevents her from going too crazy by shielding her from her body.  
  
PEGASUS  
Watch it now. We’ve got a funeral to get to.  
  
She points towards SYD. The HOUSEWIFE draws satanic circles with chalk in the background. Using black magic to ensure that they do not screw themselves over. The sky is dusty red. In the background, REG exits the store. His eyes widen as he notes FRANK, who is easily mistaken for STEVE.   
  
REG  
STEVE.   
  
FRANK  
-not turning around-  
I’m not STEVE. You’re mistaking me for someone else. 

REG  
Oh.

Suddenly, the portal to the other side works. A brief flash of light engulfs the two. The HOUSEWIFE stands at the portal to HELL waiting. Without warning, she leaps in. SYD begins to follow suit. REG watches as the characters following the HOUSEWIFE toss themselves into the portal to the other side. What is the purpose of this? Without warning, the patchwork cat gets stabbed. HE DIES.  
  
  
We cut to a different scene. This is the first reincarnation. The first reincarnation opens to a wealthy family.   
  
Or so it seems. 

We cut to the narration. This is Jezebeth. Her father is emotionally distant. Her mother, not all that there, falls ill. In one shot, we hear the wailing of the child. The child wails, but the father is not there emotionally. He appears to be unresponsive but demanding.   
  
Jezebeth’s father  
  
How many times must I tell you….  
  
Her father scowls, not understanding a single bit. Another shot of an obedient family, to the outside eye, wealthy. Inside, however, is one of dysfunction. We cut to a montage of disobedience followed by beatings. True to the word, the building blocks are being formed.   
  
We cut to jezebel. She does not show emotion. Act like an animal. Like a predator. She prowls along the hallways like a lion on the hunt. We cut to a storm brewing in the sky. She glances up, expectantly.  
  
Jezebeth  
  
Looks like a storm is brewing...  
  
A flash of lighting.   
We cut to the streets of modern-day England.

SKUNK 

Rest assured, no one will get ‘ravaged’.

SYD

That’s good.

SKUNK

Just make sure you don’t do anything stupid.   
  
SYD  
…  
  
A beat. 

SYD  
Ok. 

SKUNK

“Just act normal.“  
  
SYD

What’s that look like?

The first act-anger  
  
Ah! America!  
What a shit hole!  
America!  
What a shite hole!  
America!  
What a shit hole!  
  
Where am I?  
Where am I?  
Where am I?

Ah! America!  
What a shit hole!  
America!  
What a disgrace!  
America!  
What a hell-hole!  
  
Where am I?  
Who are you?  
Where am I?

Ah! America!  
What a shit hole!  
America!  
We live in a dog crate!  
America!  
We live in a kennel!  
Who am I?  
Who’s your father?  
Who’s your mother?  
  
I think I’m going crazy…  
I’m losing my memory...  
I must be going nowhere...

Ah! America!  
I’m here for you!  
Ah! America!  
The land of lies!  
Ah! America!

All dead…  
All gone…  
Too late...  
  
Ah! America!  
I’m here for my wife!  
Ah! America!  
I’m here for my son!  
Ah! America!  
I’m here for my sperm!  
  
Ah, America!  
America!  
I spit on you!  
America!   
America!  
We cut to rehearsal. REGINA’s mother still thinks that her child is with her.   
  
REGINA’s mother  
  
One two...

SYD is late to the rehearsal. It soon becomes clear that she is not going to show up this time. 

REGINA

How am I going to hold my funeral in the form of a broadway play?  
  
SYD has not shown up. REGINA becomes flustered. If she doesn’t show up, then the part is going to the understudy. 

REGINA  
SYD…  
  
She glances at the clock. It ticks very slowly. She glances at the room. 

SYD is admiring the glass pane. She is very disengaged. SKUNK does not say anything. She glances at the tabloid cover. 

SYD  
How long has it been since I’ve been around here? 

The two begin to walk inside the store.   
SKUNK  
No.  
  
SYD tries on another piece of clothing. 

SKUNK  
No. 

SYD tosses another piece of clothes aside. 

SKUNK  
Not the right tone. 

SYD  
How about this?

SKUNK  
I’ll check that one out. 

SYD rubs herself into the clothing. The SKUNK grabs a black dress. She puts on a veil. Somewhat fitting. She tears off the clothes. 

SKUNK  
No. I’ll be someone else.   
  
She puts on pants. Tie. white shirt. Very chic. Butch lesbian.  
  
We cut to black. 


	16. Chapter 16

  
  
FOX’s song

My body froze;

My breath still;

My lungs sharp;

Grenades falling;

Sky boiling;

Ground rumbling;

Body froze;

Breath still;

Lungs sharp;

Sign up;

Walk-in;

Mask on;

Tanks screech;

Palms rigid;

Legs glued;

Pupils dilated;

Lightning blasts;

Fireworks echo;

Click;

Click;

Click;

Limping;

Clutching;

Ringing;

Feuerwerkskörper!

Feuerwerkskörper!

Feuerwerkskörper!

*fireworks

Granatenwerfer!

Granatenwerfer!

Granatenwerfer!

*grenade launcher

Anfliegend!

Anfliegend!

Anfliegend!

an-

The fox stops. He looks at the lyrics. He squints.

  
FOX   
I can’t sing this.    
  
  


REGINA's mother

Why not?

FOX

-cont squinting-

There aren’t enough prison cells...

He turns the page, still confused. 

FOX

-squinting-

Hang on…

He turns the page. The cast members glance at him. He continues to flick through the script.    
  


FOX

-reading script-

There are prisoners in Guantanamo Bay…

REGINA’s mother glances at him. 

  
REGINA   
Is something the matter? 

FOX   
You can’t expect us to say this type of stuff. 

REGINA 

What stuff?

FOX   
People are starving in Mexico? My uterus is leaking? Liberate some third world country?   
  
REGINA   
It’s not some third world country-

  
SKUNK

Are you crazy?

  
Regina turns to her.    
  
SKUNK   
What are you doing, writing all of this nonsense? 

This quietly sets up a rivalry. The skunk is not in a good mood. REGINA starts twitching, showing signs of anger. However, in the form of a female, she knows better than to punch a hole in the wall. Or to shout too loud. 

In short, her anger is becoming dangerously suppressed. Sensing this, the SKUNK knows how to push her buttons. 

SKUNK   
-scoffing-

You remind me of a privileged white college student who has nothing better to do. 

That does it.

REGINA

-somewhat strangled-

I’m not some privileged-

Regina's mother cuts in. 

Regina's mother

Maybe you should leave.

The skunk scoffs once more. 

  
SKUNK

What are you even doing? What's the whole point of this?

  
REGINA is being held back by her mother. The SKUNK attempts once more to rile REGINA up.    
  


SKUNK   
Who cares about some 81-year-old dude in a Florida prison? Nothings going to happen to him. It’s not like anyone is going to do anything about it. 

REGINA’s mother

Out. 

  
The skunk leaves. We cut to a slam of the door. 

We cut to black. 


	17. Chapter 17

Workshop two cont

Are you proud of yourself?   
Just hold your breath;

Just be still one last time;

From stealing apples;

No, stealing junk food;

From gaining 10 pounds;

Your cheeks widening in the bathroom;

God is dead, For I know this;

When he stripped my grandmother's memories away;

Then killed her;

God is unfair and unjust;

For he brought to me satan;

For he brought to me satans chorus;

For he caused me outright anxiety;

For he conceived my mood swings;

For he caused me outright panic;

In his chorus of millennials;

No, the poor will rot in hell;

No, the rich will be brought;

To gods kingdom;

We fade open to the inside of REGINA’s HOUSE. THE SKUNK is deep in thought.   
  
SKUNK

-Muttering to self-   
Stupid know it all.

Her thoughts are interrupted by THE PENGUIN pacing back and forth.    
  
PENGUIN   
Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. 

SKUNK   
You need to sit down or something?   
  
PENGUIN   
SYD gets to do a speech. 

SYD wanders in, somewhat clumsy. 

SKUNK   
That’s awful. 

PENGUIN   
I know. 

SKUNK   
Want to come in and talk about it?

  
The penguin nods at this. 


	18. Chapter 18

SYLVIA

Quit yelling at me!

REGINA

You’re getting too distracted. 

SYLVIA

So?

REGINA

So this is what you're doing?

SYLVIA

what?

REGINA

Becoming green-eyed over some musician?

SYLVIA

I’m being attacked!

The SKUNK brings out a golf club.

SKUNK

Do I detect someone being attacked?

REGINA

-voice cracking-

Where did you get that?

SKUNK 

-shrugging-

I don’t know. 

FOX

-Cutting in-

I have a grenade!

REGINA

Don’t take her side!

There is fighting. The RACOON is pregnant. She begins to panic. Holding the dog's hand. 

RACOON

Ich bin schwanger!

***I am pregnant!***

DOG

Du bist schwanger?

*** You’re pregnant?***

She hands him a pregnancy test. The dog reacts with mild disgust. 

DOG

Dies wird im urin bedeckt.

*** This is covered in urine.***

The raccoon nods at this. The FOX, unhappy with the RACOON being impregnated, rushes over to the two. He taps his foot, impatient.

FOX

-accusatory german noises-

DOG

-frightened german noises-

The fox snatches the golf club, threateningly. The DOG gulps. He gives a somewhat cartoonish scream as the FOX chases him with the golf club. 

FOX

I’ll show you!

DOG

-screams in frightened german-

Everyone is trying to pull each other off. Without thinking, someone slaps REGINA. 

REGINA

That’s uncalled for!

REGINA’s mother watches as chaos breaks out in the dance room. She just stands there. Someone screams as a bone breaks. 

REGINA’s mother 

Enough!

For a brief second, everyone stops fighting. Slapping ensues. Biting, kicking ensues. Someone cries offscreen. The black and white cat walks in the room then leaves. Punching kicking, fighting. 

BW cat

I’m out. 

HOUSEWIFE

This is crazy. 

She also leaves. 

SOMEONE offscreen 

Where’s frank?

FRANK is in a flashy casino.

FRANK

Read them and weep boys. 

Offscreen, his phone goes off. He ignores it, learning from previous experience. 

REG

That credit card looks familiar… is that mine?

FRANK

-lying-

No. 

He takes a swig of a martini. He’s living the American dream of blowing his money. Knowing that REGINA is going to die, he has stolen her credit card. His phone continues to buzz. He answers it. 

REGINA

Where are you? Did you take my credit card? 

He hangs up. 

REGINA’s six EX wives show up. 

REGINA

Uh oh. 

EX one

Where’s REG?

They crowd REGINA. REGINA being unhappy with this cries at this. REGINA being terrible with the females begins to cower at this. 

REGINA

-sobbing-

I don’t know where the alimony is!

EX 2 

You promised to pay us child support!

EX 3

Give me my watch you asshole!

EX 4

You cry a lot.

SKUNK 

How is that possible? How can one have six ex-wives?

EX 5

He was terrible in bed. 

EX 6 

mopey.

Everyone begins to watch as REGINA cries as the six-wives begin to haggle her for alimony. THE FOX slips off, intending to crossdress.

REGINA'S mother

I told you to shop around REGINA!

REGINA

Stop it ma!

REGINA’s mother

Why can’t you date another woman for once?

REGINA

Ma!

REGINA’s mother begins to lecture her daughter about picking boys. She wants grandchildren dammit. 

REGINA mopes around. The SKUNK and the PENGUIN are kissing on the casket. She sits on the casket. 

THE SKUNK

REGINA, are you prepared for the final act?

REGINA

Not really.

THE SKUNK

It won’t be so bad. 

REGINA

I’m just used to it. 

The black and white cat begins to sit down. 

REGINA 

Harry, you’re prepared, right?

HARRY

I’m content with life. 

REGINA continues to look out over the stage. 

REGINA

How can you be content?

HARRY

I just am. 

REGINA shivers at this. Cut to black.


	19. Chapter 19

God, I hate school

God I hate school

God I hate school

God I hate teachers

God I hate beatings

God I hate it here

God, I hate-

  
The young pupil looks up from his work. The teacher isn’t happy about his song. He swings his cane, indicating punishment. 

We cut to a different scene. We cut to a wedding rehearsal. An American BBQ. A neighbor pops up. Next to the dog, is an immigrant from Germany. 

NEIGHBOR   
Hey we’re pals, right?   
  
DOG   
Ja. 

*** yes. 

The ORCA looks around.

ORCA 

Can you do me a favor?

DOG

Gefallen? Was willst du von mir? 

***favor?*** ***what do you want from me?***

ORCA

Ich gebe sie dir wieder.

*** I’ll pay you back.***

He shoots another animal, presumably his friends wife, a glance. 

ORCA

I’ll pay you if you don’t say anything. 

DOG

Anything?

His wife calls from inside the house. 

RACOON   
Dearest, come over here. 

He comes over. He gives the RACOON a brief kiss. 

DOG

I love you dear.

RACOON

Ich liebe dich meine Liebste.

I love you, my dear. 

The RACOON is briefly showing. 

DOG

Du hast keine Ahnung, wie sehr ich dich liebe.

-You don’t know how much I love you-. 

The ORCA is attempting to not eye the wife of his friend. The Dog pulls her husband aside. 

ORCA

-swallowing-

We cut to fornication. The ORCA and his wife is having good sexual times. We cut to a student being beaten with a cane. We cut to a close up a cigar puffing. In a brief movement, the ORCA has a brief advantage over his cuckold of a friend. 

THE HOUSEWIFE   
You won’t tell anyone?   
  
ORCA

Is your husband home?

The HOUSEWIFE laughs at this.    
  
HOUSEWIFE   
I’m sure. 

ORCA kisses the HOUSEWIFE. It is the late 50s.

HOUSEWIFE   
I just get so frustrated sometimes. 

ORCA   
You don’t say. 

He turns around. 

ORCA   
Are you ok?

HOUSEWIFE   
I don’t feel like I’m being listened to…

ORCA   
You don’t say…

HOUSEWIFE cuddles closer to the ORCA. 

HOUSEWIFE   
I just want my husband to be “here”. 

ORCA   
Here?

HOUSEWIFE nods. She takes some pills. 

ORCA   
Please tell me more. 

HOUSEWIFE,

so it goes like this...


	20. Chapter 20

We cut to REGs house. Everyone is wearing black.

REG

I’m going to die.

SYD

No, you’re not.

REG

-repeating himself-

I’m going to die SYD.

SYD

-stares at him blankly-

SYD wanders off. 

REG

Unbelievable.

SYD

This is your room?

She peers in. The pegasus enters, carrying a bunch of clothing. SYD flops on the bedsheet. 

SYD

Sounds like good rehearsal space.

REG

No, it’s not. 

We cut back to a different room. The room has changed somewhat. It echoes of loss. 

SYLVIA

Are you ready for this?

SKUNK

Not really.

SYLVIA

You stupid mother-

She cuts herself off. She hands the SKUNK a broom. The SKUNK plays around with the broom. 

SKUNK

-playing around with the broom somewhat-

I can’t do this. 

SYLVIA

You must. 

SKUNK

-dropping the broom-

Oh shit. 

SYLVIA picks up the broom. She will be playing the role of one of the Regs' ex-wives.

Racoon

I need more milk!

A beat.

RACOON

I will bathe in milk!

The DOG arrives on the scene.

DOG

Dearest, why do you need milk? You’re in the bathtub!

RACOON

I will bathe in milk!

She grabs a jug of milk. 

REGS mother arrives. 

REG’s mother

Please don’t waste the milk…

RACOON

I will waste the milk as I please!

REG’s mother

Please don’t.

SYLVIA

You pretentious ass-hole! Give me back my watch!

She glances at the SKUNK. 

SKUNK

Perfect. 

SYLVIA

That’s my watch! Give it back!

The SKUNK is miming along with SYLVIA. 

SKUNK

Under your divorce proceedings, the watch is in your husband's name...

SYLVIA

You cuck!

SKUNK

Under such circumstances… The watch was bought under your husband's name.

SYLVIA

That's my watch you arsehole!

SYLVIA begins to monologue.

SYLVIA

My husband is withholding my watch. Crazy ain't it?

We cut back to REG and SYD. SYD is reading her lines. 

SYD

-monologuing-

I tried to climb the walls...

She stops.

SYD

Why would I climb the walls?

A beat.

SYD

I think the walls are climbable. 

She continues to look over the script. 

SYD

The walls are nice to climb. 

SYD continues to look over the script.

SYD

I think I will attempt to climb the wall.

REG

That's not in the script…

A brief crash as SYD attempts to climb the wall. Instead, she crashes into the wall. 

FRANK

Am I alive?

He is not reading the script. FOX is reading the script. Playing the role of the sperm cell.

FOX

I am a sperm cell...

FRANK

Crashing into my mother. 

FOX

I am an ovary cell. I am the mother. 

FRANK

Honey, let's get frisky tonight. 

FOX

I can’t. I’m working. 

FRANK attempts to seduce FOX. The two men are reading from the same script. 

FOX

I’ll make it worth your while. 

FRANK

Come closer sweetheart. 

FOX sits on FRANKS lap. Sort of homoerotic.

FRANK looks over the script. 

FRANK

Hey, look over this.

FOX

We’re the nasty germans who-

He looks over the script. 

FOX

Seems kind of pretentious doesn’t it?

FRANK

-reading-

Big brother is watching us?

FOX

We’re in a bar-

He calls over to SYD. SYD doesn’t come over. He produces a cupcake. This of course is a reward system. The two wait in the bushes as SYD waltzes over. 

SYD

Cupcake!

It is a trap. SYD gives a yell as she is pulled up into the ceiling.

SYD

Help.

SYLVIA

We’re in a bar…

SKUNK

Haven’t heard a phrase like that since…

She turns to SYLVIA

What if SYD fought a giant snake?

SYD

-offscreen-

What?

SYLVIA

A giant snake?

SKUNK

SYD should fight a giant snake. 

SYLVIA

Where are we going to find a giant snake?

The skunk shrugs at this. 

SYD wanders off. 

SKUNK

Where are you going?

SYD

I’m going to find a giant snake to fight!

We cut to a zoo. 

SYD

Excuse me, do you have any giant snakes.

The Zookeeper shakes his head at the odd request.

Zookeeper

Where are you going to find a giant snake?

SYD

I figured it would be here. 

Zookeeper

Read the sign!

He points to a sign reading: fresh out of giant snakes.

SYD

Argh!

Zookeeper

I wish I could tell you where to find a giant snake. 

Zookeeper

Maybe try the black market?

We cut to a pegasus. SYD rushes up to her. The SKUNK follows her. 

SKUNK

SYD, are you out of your mind? Where on earth are we going to find a giant snake to fight? 

SYD points to a sign. It reads the black market. We cut to a shady looking interior. 

Yak

Hello everyone, welcome to…

He shoots a glance at SYD. looks familiar. 

SKUNK

Not the cops. 

For some reason, SYD yells, agitated. The SKUNK hits her with a golf club. 

SKUNK

Not now.

SYD

….

SKUNK

Are you ok?

SYD whimpers. We cut to the two walking out of the store dejected. No way to find giant snakes to find for now. 


	21. Chapter 21

And now a special episode about eating disorders.    
  


YAK   
  
ROBERT this is no laughing matter. Binging and purging is no laughing matter.

  
ROBERT the GIANT RIVER OTTER   
Oh really?

YAK   
Besides ruined enamel, your BMI will down dangerously. 

Before the YAK can continue his lecture, a HUSKY rushes into the frame.    
  
HUSKY   
Yes! I have a large erection! Ladies!   
  


THE YAK looks at the HUSKY. 

YAK   
What.

HUSKY   
Look at the size of my dinger! ladies!   
The HUSKY rushes offscreen. 

THE YAK   
Besides damaged heart muscle, and internal organs. 

  
Not listening to the lecture ROBERT the YAK runs offscreen. We cut to a different conversation. SYD is looking for a giant snake to fight. Elsewhere the pegasus gets into the peanut butter. Her lover cries out in anguish. 

PEGASUS lover

IS THAT MY PEANUT BUTTER?   
  
PEGASUS   
-lying-

No!   
  
PEGASUS’s lover

LIAR! THAT'S MY PEANUT BUTTER!   
  
SHE ACTS MOODY. 

PEGAUSUS’s lover

What is that all about?

The narrator approaches PEGASUS. 

  
JOHN the narrator

There is a reason why your lover is acting moody. 

PEGASUS   
PERIODS!   
  
NARRATOR   
ah yes, the menstrual cycle…

SYD calls out to him. 

SYD   
Is there a giant snake I can fight?   
  
THE NARRATOR   
Excuse me?   
  
SYD   
A giant snake?   
  
THE NARRATOR shakes his head. 

SYD   
There's no giant snake?   
  
THE NARRATOR shakes his head. SYD groans to herself. The two characters are runoff. 

THE NARRATOR   
In any other case, the menstrual cycle causes women to sprout a spiny tail, and grow to the size of a building. 

THE PEGASUS   
You’re kidding!   
  


We cut to another special episode about sexual assault. SYD looks around for a giant snake to fight. 

SYD   
What's that supposed to mean?   
  
SKUNK   
Not good. 

A stand-in for the author sits at the door sobbing beautifully. 

STAND-IN FOR AUTHOR   
-sobbing beautifully-

SYD and the SKUNK cringe at this. The cat with the CURLY HAIR comforts the STAND in for the AUTHOR. 

SKUNK   
What is this?   
  


*** copyrighted permitted, ‘Stephen by Alice cooper’ blasts out*** before the 30 seconds ends…

  
SKUNK   
  
No! Cut!   
  
THE SKUNK produces a knife. We cut to SYD reveling in horror. We cut to a bloody skunk as she wipes herself off. 

SKUNK   
  
YOU DON’t DO THAT!   
  
SYD   
DO WHAT?   
  
SKUNK   
You can’t insert yourself inside a good song by Alice cooper! That’s kind of narcissistic!   
  
SYD   
You’re covered in blood.    
  
SKUNK   
Another thing!   
  
SYD turns to her.    
  
SKUNK   
don’t -

She thinks for a second. Pondering the severity of the situation, she wonders if it is a good idea. 

SKUNK    
I don’t know-

She thinks for another second. 

SKUNK   
Don’t write fanfiction. I’m going to enjoy a nice chocolate cake!   
Cut to black. 


	22. Chapter 22

We cut to a wedding of a RACOON and the DOG. FOX is trying not to show emotion. We cut to the REST OF THE CAST sitting in the pews. 

FOX

Unglaublich.

***unbelievable.

RACOON

Kopf Hoch. 

***cheer up. 

FOX

Mein Schatz.

***My baby girl.

The two look at the mirror. The FOX is mildly grouchy. The expectant bride is utterly glowing. The bridesmaids are chattering. It has been a lengthy two hours. 

FOX

Acht. 

*** german grunt***

RACOON

Vater! 

***father!***

THE FOX walks the RACOON down the aisle. THE OFFICER stands in the middle of the wedding. In the CENTER PEWS, the cast sits, not noticing that REGINA is sitting next to her mother. 

Pastor

Do you take this woman to be your bride?

DOG

I do. 

The pastor turns to the RACOON. 

RACOON

Ich mache.

*** I do.***

There is generally murmuring and nods from the crowd. The CLYDESDALE turns to the PEGASUS. 

REG

I heard you were engaging in a little roleplay last night, PEGGY. 

PEGGY

So?

REG shrugs at this. 

PEGGY

What about it?

REG

Is it real?

PEGGY

Excuse me?

REG

Is it a good idea to partake in slave labor?

PEGGY

Excuse me?!?

REG

We’re living in the matrix PEGGY. I don’t think you should be engaging in such petty behavior. 

PEGGY cuts in hush whispering. 

PEGGY

If this is about your beef with Meow-

REG

If you want to turn a blind eye and live comfortably…

PEGGY hits him with her hoof. REG grumbles at her attack. 

PEGGY

You’re being paranoid. 

REG turns to her. 

REG

Is it real?

PEGGY turns to him. REG turns around and faces her. 

REG

Are you real? Am I real? Is this a simulation?

PEGGY turns around, looking for SYD, who is still searching for that giant snake. 

PEGGY

You should go see a doctor. You’re having some psychotic break. 

REG

Maybe I am. 

PEGGY moves out of the seat. Still looking for SYD. the Clydesdale grunts at this. 

REG

Did you-

He stammers slightly. 

REG

Hang on. Is that me with my mother?

PEGGY scooches closer. 

PEGGY 

-whispering to SYD-

Call the ambulance. We have a situation. 

SYD is unfamiliar with calling the authorities. The scene is tense. REG is staring daggers at the imposter, who is sitting with his biological mother. 

SYD

I can’t.

PEGGY

What's the European number?

SYD rushes inside the church. Barely, containing herself, she crashes into a pillar. 

SYD

\- I’m OK!-

This shout catches REGS attention. Along with everyone else in the crowd. 

SOMEONE in the crowd

Are you OK, SYD?

SYD does not answer. PEGGY the pegasus rushes in the church, forgetting to collect herself in the process. REG appears in the chapel. 

REG

SYD, are you ok?

SYD yelps at this. The PEGASUS tries to register the situation. 

PEGGY

This isn’t good. 

REG

My mother is out there. I should say something. 

PEGGY paces around, trying to think of a solution. 

PEGGY

How did you get here?

REG

I got the invitation. 

PEGGY

That’s for the clo- uh, our cousin. 

REG shakes his head. He isn’t buying the fact that he has a cousin. 

REG

cousin.

PEGGY nods. 

REG

Who happens to look exactly like me. Who is sitting with my  _ mother? _

PEGGY and SYD nod at this. A potential lawsuit is on their hands. REG turns to SYD. 

REG

-repeating himself-

Cousin. I’m guessing that's your distant relative who happens to resemble a close friend of mine? 

He turns to PEGGY indicating SYD. 

SYD

No-

PEGGY 

-cutting in-

That’s also a distant relative. 

REG looks at both of them. SYD and PEGGY glance at the wedding door. 

REG

What’s going on here?

PEGGY and SYD slowly begin to back away at this. REG is still eyeing the two of them. There is a glitch in the matrix. The virus slowly eats away at REG. 

REG

This can’t be happening. 

PEGGY and SYD begin to glance at each other. Ecu on PEGGY. ECU on SYD. ECU to PEGGY. ECU back to SYD. cut to a red plastic golf club resting on the pedestal. Cut back to SYD. Cut back to the red plastic golf club. Cut back to SYD. Cut back to PEGGY. Cut back to the red plastic golf club. Cut back to REG who is beginning to piece everything together. 

REG

Did you clone me without my permission?

The two slowly begin to panic. REG rushes out the door. We cut to REGINA, and her mother. We cut back to REG. REGINA does not notice REG furiously trotting towards her and her mother. SYD does nothing, as PEGGY trots towards REG, silently panicking. She turns towards SYD, who shrugs as PEGGY trots towards REG. We cut to a buffet. We cut back to PEGGY. We cut back to REG, who is hell-bent on talking to his mother. 

PEGGY does nothing. She does not want to ruin the ceremony. She trots back to SYD. To her relief, REG sits down. In the background, a giant snake sits in the pews. We ECU to SYD. A sting plays. We ECU back to the SNAKE who shoots daggers at her.

EXT. RECEPTION. NIGHT. 

DOG

A toast to my beautiful wife!

The cast claps at this. REG sits in the background. He wants to talk to his mother, but he cannot do so. His mother comes up to him. In a brief moment, she recognizes him. 

REG’s mother

REGINALD?

REG turns to her. She is briefly confused. He is looking a lot younger than the last time they met. 

REG

Hi mom. 

REG’s mother

-slightly confused-

Before his mother can speak, we cut to another crash. SYD is fighting with the giant snake. A lot of drinking is involved. There is a thump outside. 

EXT. OUTSIDE RECEPTION. 

SNAKE

Who’s next?

SYD

Me!

Another crash. SYD is riding the snake. A COUPLE of cast members are pulling him off. THE SNAKE laughs at this. A tarantula jumps on him, only to be thrown off. We cut to another member of the party jumping on the snake, only to be thrown off as well. Several members of the reception are brawling outside. 

INT. INSIDE OF RECEPTION. 

REG’s mother

REG what is going on?

REG shakes his head. She quickly changes the subject. 

REG’s mother

No. This is impossible. I was holding you last night. 

REG

It’s me. Your biological son.

REG’s mother

I don’t know how much work you did on yourself. You're a sick young man. 

She hits him with her purse. She rushes off, intending to call the authorities. 

REG

Mom, wait!

He follows her offscreen. We cut to SYLVIA, making out with the B/W cat in the bathroom. 

SYLVIA

Higher...

B/W

-grunts-

SYLVIA

YES!

B/W cat

-grunting even harder-

SYLVIA

Yes!

B/W cat

-grunting- 

SYLVIA

I have arrived!

B/W cat

-finishing grunt-

A door opens, interrupting the two. A YAK arrives, then proceeds to vomit in a fit of bulimia. Another animal enters a stall. A prolonged grunt, then a violent splash indicates a violent war with a clogged toilet. 

We cut to karaoke. The skunk attempts to woo the B/W cat with poor singing. Several boos caused her to walk offstage. Before doing so, she drops the MIC. 

SKUNK

Screw you! 

She puts her hands in the air, indicating frustration. Then she walks off. SFX of ambulance sirens. 

EXT. OUTSIDE OF RECEPTION

REG

I told you, I’m her son!

He gets pushed offscreen. We cut to SYLVIA who is walking down the aisle, holding the bouquet. 

SYLVIA

I tell you, there’s nothing like…

We see her stop. We cut to MEOW comforting the BROWN CAT who is sobbing like an alligator. SYLVIA barely drops the bouquet. 

Cut to black. 


	23. Technically Meow dies...

Roger the horse

Do you want to discuss my temper?

Offscreen a character mouths the word “Yes.”

Roger the horse 

What's wrong with my temper?

We cut to a stage. Roger the horse begins to strum a guitar. Everyone is having a good time. Offscreen, one of the concert-goers strikes a match. We see fireworks fly off into the sky. At first, Roger pretends to not notice the exploding fireworks. Over time, he becomes slightly annoyed at the fireworks exploding. The noise becomes too much for him. He begins to show discomfort at the sound of the fireworks. The noise becomes louder, and louder, to the point in which he has a hard time paying attention to his instrument. There is a screech as he begins to slowly look up at the exploding fireworks. He gives a mild scowl as he begins to realize he cannot hear himself think. 

He loogies at a concert goer. 

There is a pause. 

Roger the horse

( angrily)

Alright! 

He stops playing the guitar. The band stops playing, petrified at Roger the horse. 

Roger the horse

( POD)

For fucks sake, stop setting off the firecrackers! I’m trying to sing the song! I need you all to be fucking quiet!

The audience approves of this outburst. 

  
  


Roger the horse does not pick up the guitar. Instead, he glares at the audience. 

Roger the horse

I don’t care…. I don't ... if you don’t want to hear my song. Fuck you. I’m certain that there are people who do want to hear it. 

The audience cheers at this. 

Roger the horse

Why don’t you all be quiet? Go outside and play with fireworks. If you want to shout and holler, go outside…

The fireworks begin to shift somewhere else…

We cut to a different scene. There is a bunch of horses on the ice. There is a different army across from them. One of the horses does not react as we hear the missile whoosh through the ice. There is an extremely loud explosion as the missile explodes on a snowbank.

SFX of a missile exploding. We cut back to Roger playing the guitar. 

Later.

Roger the horse

Oh god.

He thinks for a moment. At the hotel room, he lies on the bed. He tosses and turns. 

Roger the Horse

What have I done?

Roger the horse looks at the window. 

Roger the horse

What have I done?

He thinks for a moment. 

Roger the horse

What have I done?

  
  


We cut to a fox. A red fox if you will. A survivor of a war, he glances towards the window. As the fireworks explode into the sky, he freezes, like a deer in the headlights. 

The fox grunts at this. Not fond of fireworks either. Reminds him of the war…

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


We’re at the present day.

Daemen

Tell me I’m your friend. 

To meow, who says nothing. He barely looks at her. She scowls at the cat. 

Daemen 

Hmm. 

Tell me I’m your friend. Treat me gently, refrain from criticizing me. We’re just the same, you and I. You might be out of my league but we have so much in common, you and I. We’re both 37, and depressed. I want to tell you how much you mean to me. How much you mean to my life. How much you’ve just inspired me. We are the same. Tell me how great I am. Give me your admiration, but I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve your admiration. I’m a manipulator, fat, and undesirable. I have low self-esteem. I’m depressed. I have thyroid issues which cause me to become extremely fat. I don’t deserve to live...

Meow

You are a wonderful person. 

Daemen gives a smile at this comment. 

Meow

It’s all part of that personal journey. We’re always growing, always improving. It’s all a part of growth. Didn’t someone always say, we’re always growing every day? I believe you can improve your life. You are a very good person Daemen. I believe that you can change. 

Nazis!

Daemen is looking at SYD.

Daemen

Is he ok?

Syd does not look at her. He is staring off into space. Roger the horse is center stage wearing a red band with an image of hammers on it. 

Daemen

……….

Daemen turns to roger. Her smile begins to fade as she realizes that Roger is wearing a shirt that has a logo reading “ boycott Palestine”

Daemen

You're a butthole. 

Roger looks up at her. He is shocked at her statement. Daemen begins to stare intently at him, muttering angrily. The camera begins to close in on him. Roger continues to look at something offscreen. Without warning, Roger disappears in a cloud of smoke. We cut to roger the horse having been reincarnated into a different character entirely, looking forlornly into the horizon. The camera pans out to show that he is clinging to a fence. We cut back to Daemen looking at what used to be roger, showing no expression on her fence. 

Syd 

What happened. 

Daemen

You see, Syd, I had to delete Roger. 

Offscreen we see a train pulling in. we hear Daemen narrate. 

Daemen

( offscreen)

Sometimes, people have strange and weird thoughts. Which is ok. That is completely valid. 

  
  


We see several Gestapo officers storm a building. A mother cries out in pain in the present day. 

Daemen

(offscreen)

Nazis deserve to die. 

We see stock footage of children on a train. One of which holds out their hand attempting to hold on to something. Daemen continues to narrate as one of the starving children holds out a grape. 

Daemen

Roger isn’t even human. 

Syd continues to look on. Daemen comforts him by squeezing his shoulder. The nazis hold on to the mass effect. Meow begins to look at the dawning sunset. The three characters begin to observe the setting sun. Elsewhere we see a mother crying out in agony. A doctor, played by a plush lobster, pulls out a baby, howling. This is the rebirth of Roger, who is a hideous baby. Daemen briefly forgets that by briefly erasing someone's existence, she accidentally creates a backup copy, of the said person. Three more characters, two of which are Kentuckian bred, the third being the blue horse stand with the characters. 

Daemen

Oh! 

Daemen gets up. 

Daemen

How far is the nearest hospital? 

Smash cut to Daemen in the backseat of the van. Syd is behind the wheel of the car. Meow is in the second seat. 

Daemen

What is his deal again?

Syd does not respond to this. 

Meow

Ugh. Roger_the_horse is fairly notorious in the industry for being… how you say…. Difficult to work with….

  
  


Syd starts the engine. The engine turns on with a roar. Syd, who has not driven in a long time, begins to drive on the street. Syd is a horrible driver. 

  
  


Daemen

?????

Syd turns around to face Daemen. 

Syd the horse

Roger_ the_horse once dropped me off at a mental institution.

Daemen

So a pattern of being a little mean. 

Syd continues to the road. 

Syd the horse

He used to laugh at me.

The car makes a grinding jump. Meow interrupts. 

Meow

Also a bit anti-Semitic

Thankfully, the road appears empty. CRUNCH. Syd has backed up into a tree. 

Daemen

How did this conversation go? Hey, Syd, let's go on a ride, Sike, you're at Broadmoor hospital? 

Meow interrupts. 

Meow

To be fair, you did drive your car around Britain. 

  
  


Daemen gives a mild yelp as the car runs over something. 

Daemen

Did we run over something?

Syd looks over the bloodstained mirror. He looks over at the car.

Syd 

(bluntly)

No. 

He pulls the car into reverse. As Syd does so, we see that a small toddler has been run over. 

Daemen

( in shock)

STOP THE CAR!

Syd does so. All three characters unbuckle their seatbelts. The camera is focused on a small child in clear pain. The baby has been run over. 

  
  
  


Daemen

Oh, cheese and crackers. 

All three characters look at the mangled baby. The Kentuckian trio begins to arrive on the scene. Syd does not react well to this. Daemen begins to pick up the baby, coddling it. 

Daemen

( cooing)

Oh no-no-no. 

The baby gives out a slight howl. Daemen rushes over to the ambulance. In a minute we see that the baby is cleaned up. 

Daemen

(cooing)

Oh. sweetie,

The baby begins to screech. In a huff, she runs over, cuddling him. She begins to comfort him. The baby continues to screech, in constant pain. His mother ran over to Daemen, snatching her baby. 

Mother

My baby!

  
Daemen begins to show signs of distress. 

Daemen

Please calm down. 

The mother begins to coddle her newborn, glaring at her baby. She tightly grips the baby against her breast, continuing to glare at Daemen. 

The baby

Wah. 

Elsewhere… 

Daemen

The funny thing is…

She takes a gulp. 

If they don’t move, then Roger will catch up to them. If they do move, Roger will still catch up to them. Suddenly a small child walks up Daemen, eyes streaked from crying. He is hiccuping, and he has a bruise on his leg. 

Child

(hiccuping)

  
  


Daemen begins to hold him up. She embraces him in a hug. 

Child 

(sobbing)

Daemen begins to comfort him engulfing him in a hug. He drops a note. After a long hug, The child stops crying. He looks up at Daemen with tears in his eyes. 

Child

( somewhat sobbing)

My-my

Daemen grabs him for another hug. 

Child

(continuing to sob)

My daddy-

Daemen engulfs him in a hug. The child whispers, “my daddy is dead” in a sobbing voice. Daemen drops him in shock, which causes the child to cry out in pain. Without thinking, Daemen picks up the letter. The child begins to scream out various obscenities. 

Child

( in pain)

Shit!

Daemen looks up at horror at Roger. He looks up at her, looking quite vengeful. 

Child 

( raspberries)

We cut back to the characters in the discussion. They are muttering about whether he should be sent to school. Daemen makes a gesture telling him they probably shouldn’t. We cut to a very angry child. 

Daemen makes an audible gulp. 

We see the characters at a restaurant. They are far away from the small boy. Syd begins to dig into his sandwich. Meow looks nervously at Daemen. 

Meow

( nervously)

What’s wrong with him?

Daemen shakes her body, indicating she has no clue what's going on. She turns to Syd. She taps him, which of course he reacts to by spitting his food on the plate. Daemen laughs at this. 

Daemen

I have no idea what his problem is. 

The Kentucky trio walked into the doorway. A sign nearby reads, nobody under 21 allowed. 

Kentucky trio no 1. 

Got away from roger.

Daemen looks at him. 

Daemen

And?

The member shakes his snout, indicating that nothing has changed. Daemen sighs relief. The member hands her files, which indicate the mother's notes. Syd begins to chew with his mouth open. 

Daemen

Syd close your mouth when you’re eating. 

Syd responds with a slight grunt. He swallows his food. Daemen responds to his disgusting eating habits by glaring at him. 

Daemen

Eat smaller bites. 

Daemen looks at the papers. 

Despite this Roger, the Horse is no. 1 priority in my life.the mother feels as though he needs to be protected. she wants to take care of him as much as she can. She still cannot help but feel as though she needs to smother him. “I believe that he is a growing boy, but he needs to be protected from the outside world”. The world hasn’t been the same since Harold, his father has been shot down. The mother of the young boy is doing her best to do the cleaning. 

The mother has one husband (recently deceased). Mother has complained about suffering from postpartum depression. The husband has been shot down by nazis. 

  
  


Huh. it’s funny, isn’t it?

You don’t understand, do you? You don’t get how hard it is to take charge of a young boy. You try and try, but you just don’t get it. You don’t understand what it’s like to take care of someone and have it ripped to shreds. You don’t understand what it means to marry someone and have him killed. You don’t understand what it means to lose yourself in a drink. You have no idea the pain I went through. So I just drink. I drink. I drink until the blackness overtakes me. I keep drinking. I just want the pain to go away. I just want it to go away. I keep drinking until I blackout. Then I wake up with the throbbing pain. It hurts. It hurts. Of course, you didn’t understand. 

You all think this is funny, don’t you?

MY SON IS NOT AN ANTISEMITE. IT’S JUST LIKE THE INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS. ONLY INSTEAD OF BODY SNATCHERS, IT’S THE MEDIA. IT’S JUST LIKE THE ENDING OF THE INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS IN WHICH A CHARACTER IS POINTING AT AN ANOTHER, SCREAMING OUT ANTISEMITE! YOU CANNOT HANG A WITCH TO TRIAL. WITCH! WITCH! WITCH! YOU CANNOT KILL WHAT CANNOT BE KILLED, DAEMEN. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT to KILL A SNAKE, YOU HAVE TO REMOVE IT’S HEAD. YOU DID THE COMMUNITY A FAVOR BY KILLING ME DAEMEN. THOU SHALL NOT RAISE THE DEAD DAEMEN. 

すべてが痛いし、私は死んでいる。 もちろん、私は死んでいる。 それが人生ですね。 私が感じるのは痛みだけです。 痛みと苦しみ。 しかし当然、苦痛がであるもの知らない。

などの痛みです。 痛みはあなたが初めて知っているものです。 デーモン、あなたは痛みです。 あなたは蛇を殺そうとした あなたは斧を埋葬しようとしました。 蛇のデーモンは殺せない そんな簡単に俺を追い出せると思ったのか? 哀れだな 哀れなあなたの多く。 あなたは、皮膚や虫だけです。 あなたは血まみれの冷たい心を持った男に何を期待していますか？ それが私のすべてですよね？ 俺はストームトルーパーだ その男を殺すことはできない 男は健在です。

  
  
  


I’m here Daemen.

Daemen looks up with a start. We cut to Roger_the_horse looking at her in the wind. She points to the no minors sign. EC cut on the sign which reads “no minors under 21. Roger the Horse grunts. He walks into the restaurant. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Syd the horse gets a mild slap. 

  
Syd the horse is waiting in the bathtub. He is waiting for the bathtub to turn cool. The water is rushing from the tap. The water is rushing from the tap. Syd is still waiting on the stool. He waits for something. He wants the water to turn cold. He puts his hoof in the tub. The water is still too hot. He puts his hoof in the tub. Still too hot. He continues to wait for the water to cool off. He is still waiting.    
  
All of a sudden, a mouse appears from a hole. Hello Mr. Mouse! Syd turns his attention to the mouse, not noticing that the bathtub is overflowing. The bathtub begins to overfill. Syd does not notice the water overflowing the tub. He continues to look at the mouse, not noticing that his floor is getting flooded. He notices the water but does nothing about it. His mother calls his name. Syd looks up at the water. He continues to stare at the bathtub which has overflowed with water. There is water on the floor. He appears unconcerned by this. Syd's mother begins to call his name a little louder. Syd does not appear to be too concerned with the water overflowing. The room begins to fill up with steam. 

His mother calls his name once more. His mother is standing in the doorway. She begins to yell at Syd the horse, screaming phrases like, It will take a week for the water heater to warm up! Look at the floor! It's a mess! What made you think this was ok? Syd's mother is standing in the flooded bathroom. She begins to get increasingly angry at Syd the horse. She begins to make dramatic gestures at Syd. Syd begins to look confused. 

Finally, she slaps him. Syd cries. Syd just wants to go home.

Syd the horse is sitting in the middle of the room. The other horses are standing in a recording booth. The red light goes on. He sings. He hears laughter. He sings again. He is told to do it over again. He stands in the middle of the recording room looking somewhat tired. He sings again. He gives a mild sigh as the rest of the horses tell him to do it one more time. The rest of the horses are giving him the stink eye. He begins to sing again. One of the horses, Roger the horse, presses the button. Roger tells him to redo it. Syd gives a mild groan. Suddenly the scene shifts. He imagines himself in a wonderful place. He is flying in a special wonderland. Syd the horse begins to imagine himself in his childhood home. The red button makes a loud noise shocking him. He begins to sing again. This time, he imagines himself back in his home, napping. He seems to enjoy the napping until the buzzer goes off. He hits the button, but he finds that he can’t turn it off. He tosses out the alarm clock. 

The buzzer on the recording session turns on. Signifying that they’re done for the day, Syd waits in the recording studio. He glances at the clock. The clock reads midnight. He begins to stretch. Everyone in the studio sshs him, indicating that they are still recording. He shuts his mouth, swallowing the yawn. We cut to the rest of the group giving him a dirty look. 

He looks at the clock. 

He begins to complain. 

  
  


In the summer of 2016, a massive swift went through America. It was the calm before the storm. Eva Makio never saw this change before. It was before the time of her kin. The time of her fathers that had seen so much hatred before. What you liked cost you your friends, your girlfriend, and your job. Monsters climbed from the pits of hell. They came from the times of parents of generations before. The soulless demons that burned buildings. Only men that came from adventure films certainly existed there. The soulless men burned buildings and separated families. Those men lived by their law, but all that followed was blood and bone. The same hatred that those men had taught again and again found a new voice. Pride. Pure despicable pride. One that took the form of a pistol. The pride that took the form of men in german uniforms who shot german shepherds, and who burnt buildings. Who proudly watched as the windows cracked, into tiny slivers. 

EXT. MEOWS house. 

We are introduced to MEOW’s parents who are none too happy about their son being disintegrated. 

MEOW’s Mother

Shameful. 

SAM the penguin flinches at this. 

MEOW’s mother

Why? Our son was going to be an engineer. 

She turns to SYD. She points at him, incensed. 

MEOW’s mother

If it wasn’t for your music, our son would have been an engineer at Harvard. Now he’s in a casket. Approx on you.

SYD says nothing. 

MEOW’s mother

What? Cat got your tongue? 

SYD shakes his head. He has no idea what MEOW’s mother is talking about. 

SYD

Hehe. 

MEOW’s mother turns around. She is not happy with SYD laughing at her son being disintegrated. She leans in closer. She almost becomes angry. 

  
MEOW’s mother

Think that’s funny, don’t you?

We cut back to the backstage. 

HAROLD

What does that mean?

SYD 

I don’t know. 

HAROLD looks at SYD. The two begin to talk back and forth. The two begin to hang in the backstage. 

SYD 

What is it?

HAROLD   
You have to speak in front of the stage. 

SYD   
What?

He looks around, nervous. 

SYD   
I have to speak before thousands of people. 

SYD   
I don’t think this is a good idea. 

HAROLD   
Why not?

SYD   
No. 

HAROLD   
You on medication, aren’t you? 

The two look at the front of the stage. SYD gulps. 

SYD   
I can’t speak in front of thousands of people. 

SYD   
It’s too much. 

HAROLD

You must. 

SYD   
I cannot. 

We cut to the rehearsal of the play. LOUISE, a bass player begins to struggle with playing with an instrument. She is surrounded by other musicians, for it is a large event. She frowns, at the notion of playing an instrument. There is a large assortment of musicians, ranging from trombones to flutes. The conductor begins to become frustrated. 

THE CONDUCTOR   
What's wrong with you? 

LOUISE   
I seem to be struggling with the notes. 

THE CONDUCTOR   
Keep ahead!   
  


LOUISE sighs to herself. 

LOUISE

Alright then...

The conductor taps, aggravated with LOUISE struggling. LOUISE continues, apparently struggling to play the instruments. 

LOUISE   
C’mon… 


	24. Chapter 24

  
HANDMAIDEN  
“Hey watch this!” 

SPLASH.   
We cut to a camel nervously wading in the pool. One of the Handmaidens looks up. Seemingly dissecting a disturbance. 

HANDMAIDEN  
I detect an impure splash.

Well shit. THE CAMEL freezes. A thick silence. The HANDMAIDEN next to her begins to chuckle uncomfortably. 

HANDMAIDEN A  
I just pooped in the pool. 

Reacting to her comment, the rest of the HANDMAIDENS begin to Berate her for her juvenile behavior. 

CAMEL  
-somewhat disgusted-  
Eck. 

Everyone leaves the pool. 

INT. BATHROOM/LOCKER ROOM

We cut to a commotion. Two characters are fighting. A character ravaged by cancer. This is the husband. 

We cut to him laying on to the cat. I.e. fighting the cat.   
He grew back to his late 20’s. He does not care about the feelings about the fake being. 

Isaac decides that Frank is not as important, as John’s strength shows that he is the alpha male. 

She covered herself with a towel aroused. 

John is slightly bloody from beating up the doppelganger. His ears were slightly bloody. 

Isaac snatches John. John sees this as a challenge. He attempts to push into Isaac. 

Isaac grabbed his hooves in mid-air. John gives her a cheeky grin as he analyzes her intentions as somewhat sexual. 

What starts off as fighting, turns into… something else. In other words, sex. Isaac and John have sexual intercourse in the locker room. Disappointed in the fighting, and feeling voyeuristic, the crowd disperses. 

We cut back to the farmhouse.

CAMEL  
What’s going on?

PENGUIN  
I don’t know. You tell me. 

CAMEL  
Did they just have intercourse in the lockerroom?

PENGUIN  
I guess. 

CAMEL  
Why did Isaac have sex in the bathroom with John?

We cut back to the PENGUIN. The camel is unamused by this. 

CAMEL  
Why are we rescuing Frankie?

PENGUIN  
-thinking-  
That plan doesn’t sound very smart.   
CAMEL  
-Looking around-  
No kidding Sherlock. 

PENGUIN  
-nervously stammering-  
What?

CAMEL  
-repeating himself-  
No kidding Sherlock. 

PENGUIN  
My names not sherlock. 

CAMEL  
Figure of speech. 

The two begin to walk through the Forrest. We hear the sounds of leaves crunching. A branch snaps. 

PENGUIN  
What should we do?

CAMEL  
We should have left Frankie at the hospital.

THE PENGUIN begins to glance around. It is quiet. 

CAMEL  
What were you thinking bringing him along with SAM?

SAM the penguin  
-questioning-   
Not at all?

CAMEL  
Right. 

He observes the weapons at the farmhouse. We cut to an exterior of the farmhouse. The CAMEL lies on the front porch. Outside there are very few houses. 

SAM   
I wasn’t thinking at all. 

CAMEL  
Clearly. 

He turns to the empty farmhouse. The road is still, with no vehicles passing by. We hear brief static as the cars rush by. 

PENGUIN  
Why sex?

CAMEL  
...It’s complicated.

PENGUIN  
Don’t they know-

The CAMEL, reasonably annoyed at this turns to him. He shrugs, counting the road. He is uncomfortable with the penguin. We cut to an empty room. A sharp slam interrupts the conversation. the two of them look up at the source of the sound. The static grows louder and louder. We cut back and forth at the two. 

THE CAMEL  
Sam go inside. 

Thinking, of course, he grabs a broom as a weapon. Inside the Tv hums, with the casualties of the virus. Ignoring the drone of the TELEVISION, the camel walks inside the house. THE PENGUIN does not make a sound. We slowly pan to an unknown figure in the living room. Very slowly now. We hear labored coughing. The camel freezes. 

We cut to the PENGUIN peeing in the bathroom. The air is still. Thick. The audio is slightly distorted. In the background, we see a shadow dart behind the Penguin. Without thinking, the Penguin sits on a sleeping bag. 

PENGUIN  
What do we do with the infected?

The CAMEL  
I suggest self-quarantine until the virus gets out of his system. 

PENGUIN  
I hate this. 

CAMEL  
Do you want to get sick?

PENGUIN  
No. 

CAMEL  
Then listen to my instructions SAM. 

PENGUIN  
-grumbling underneath his breath-

CAMEL  
What?

PENGUIN  
-suddenly Remembering-  
What are we going to do with JOHN?

CAMEL  
Let him waste. 

PENGUIN  
Why?

CAMEL  
Cancers a bitch SAM. 

PENGUIN  
He’s not coming back?

The CAMEL shakes his head. 

CAMEL  
No. 

PENGUIN  
Did he do something wrong?

The CAMEL turns to face him. The streets are completely quiet. He picks up SAM. The sky is beginning to set. The camel looks over the rows of cornfields. 

We cut to black. 


	25. Shotgun

Everyone is horrified at the action. We cut to the inside of the farmhouse. Frankies safe and sound lying on the couch… General walla. 

The CAMEL looks at Frankie. We cut to a rifle, ( or some sort of homemade weapon) lying near the doorframe. We cut back to Frankie. 

PEGGY

Are you going to shoot him?

CAMEL

I’m not going to answer that question. 

PEGGY

Why?

CAMEL

… he’s infected PEG. 

PEGGY

Should we shoot him? 

CAMEL

Quiet.

PEGGY

You didn’t answer my question. 

CAMEL thinks for a second. 

CAMEL

This is a major waste of time. 

PEG

We don’t have enough time.

CAMEL

-warningly-

PEG, lower your voice. 

PEGGY

-somewhat quiet-

If he’s infected, then what is the point of letting him live?

CAMEL

You have a point PEG. 

THE CLYDESDALE walks in the background. HE stops, in pain. Before he can speak, he grunts. 

CAMEL

You ok?

CLYDESDALE

-grunting-

Peachy.

CAMEL

Well, what is it?

THE CLYDESDALE is about to run off at this question. Seemingly in pain here. 

PEGGY

-worried-

You ok?

THE CLYDESDALE swallows hard. Irritated. 

CLYDESDALE

Fuck. 

PEGGY

Clyde-

CLYDESDALE

-Muttering to self-

No. not now.

He glances around in pain. No one knows. He instinctively rushes to the bathroom. The PEGASUS and the CAMEL look at each other in mild confusion. 

PEGGY

-very worried-

He’s a handmaiden.

CAMEL

No, he’s not.

PEGGY

He is. I can smell it. 

CAMEL

You can smell it?

PEGGY shakes her body indicating affirmation. A slam of the door. The CAMEL does not hesitate in acting. He follows the Clydesdale. 

CAMEL

Hang on!

We cut to an empty road. The Clydesdale shivers. Behind him, the camel is searching for his team member. We cut to an empty asylum. In the distance, we can hear hacking. 

CAMEL

Hello?

THE CLYDESDALE doesn’t move. He frowns. 

CLYDESDALE

-voice straining-

Everythings fine. 

CAMEL

Are you sure?

CLYDESDALE

-repeating himself-

I’m fine-

His statement is cut off by a shriek. 

CAMEL

Just tell me!

CLYDESDALE

YOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW SQUAT!

He continues to groan in pain. 

CAMEL

What is it?

CLYDESDALE

STAY OUT OF IT!

CAMEL doesn’t react to this. 

CAMEL

Wait a minute, you  _ knew  _ didn’t you-

CLYDESDALE

I'm NOT INVOLVED WITH ANYTHING.

CAMEL

(realizing something, almost accusatory)

You regarded Harold as somewhat of a prick for supporting middle eastern apartheid. Why the hell didn’t you do anything when Frankie was kidnapped?

Before the Clydesdale can say anything, he emits an ear-piercing screech. We cut to the interior of the asylum. The footage grows very distorted. 

CLYDESDALE

You- you-

He clutches over in pain. 

CAMEL

You’ve betrayed us. 

CLYDESDALE

-straining in pain-

CLYDESDALE

This isn’t about Harold. 

CAMEL

Then what is it about?

CLYDESDALE 

-straining in pain-

Jesus Christ. Help. I’m in pain. 

His bones crack. The CAMEL looks at the broom. He doesn’t have a shotgun. 

CLYDESDALE

You don’t have your gun. 

The CAMEL shakes his head.


	26. Chapter 26

We cut to the exterior. 

  
SYLVIA

Nothing happened today. We just ate some turkey.

FRANKIE stirs in his sleep. His eyes are glued to the television. Roger is in front of the oven. 

FOX   
This won’t be too difficult. 

FRANKIE is in front of the television.

FOX   
Let's see…

Without an alarm, there is no warning. We cut to the FOX and FRANKIE in conversation. Suddenly, FRANKIE turns his attention to the smoking oven. 

FRANKIE

Is something burning?   
  


FOX   
Uh oh. 

We cut to the interior. The gang is on the move. We cut to another abandoned building. 

  
BLIND GIRL

What’s your problem?

  
CAMEL   
That book of dark spells has to be around here somewhere. 

  
BLIND GIRL   
It’s too early. 

The CAMEL looks around. 

  
CAMEL   
Are we being followed?

  
BLIND GIRL    
You asking me?

  
CAMEL   
We have until dusk. 

BLIND GIRL   
What happens at dusk?

The camel stops. Deep in thought. He searches through the closet. 

  
CAMEL   
Anything here?   
  
BLIND GIRL   
…

She feels around. The house is abandoned. With little sign of life. Empty. THE CAMEL sighs as he removes a panel. The blind girl pats around. 

CAMEL   
Found it. 

  
BLIND GIRL taps around. She does not notice the humanoid in the field. 

The CAMEL puts the book of dark spells in his backpack. Outside of the house, several humanoids are in ritual. The sunsets in the distance. 

  
BLIND GIRL   
What's the deal with you and hoofboy?   
  
CAMEL   
Hoofboy is a traitor. 

BLIND GIRL 

How is he a traitor?   
  
CAMEL   
He had something to do with Issac. Call it a gut feeling. 


	27. Chapter 27

We open with synth. We see the world burning to the ground. Newspapers cover the floor of the farmhouse, each demonstrating worsening events. We cut to the camel looking at the offending articles. 

  
On the couch lies the DOG. 

DOG   
What happened?

CAMEL   
-glancing at the newspapers-

We’re screwed.

DOG   
Any sign of HANDMAIDENS?   
  
One of the crew members arrives on the scene. 

BROWN CAT

What's a handmaiden? 

  
DOG   
A handmaiden is some entity from an unknown origin.    
  
BROWN CAT   
Handmaiden?

DOG

They are typically women. Don’t like being called females for some reason. Very reactionary. 

BROWN CAT

How reactionary?

  
DOG   
Very reactionary.   
  
BROWN CAT

Anything else I should know?

DOG

Part of the system. 

BROWN CAT

That doesn’t tell me anything. 

Offscreen we hear a distinct thump. THE DOG and THE BROWN CAT pay no attention to this. The BROWN CAT picks up the black book.

We cut to the exterior of a forest. The raccoon and the brown cat are speaking. 

  
BROWN CAT   
What does he want?

  
RACOON    
I have no idea. 

Behind them, a blur rushes. THE two stop. A sharp sting as we cut to the HANDMAIDEN. 

  
  


HANDMAIDEN

-very distorted-

  
I’LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL!

  
The audio is distorted. The footage is distorted. The two freeze, thinking of a solution. The two begin to scream as the footage grows even more distorted. 

DOG   
Run!!!   
  
The trio begins to trip over each other as they try to escape the horrible demon. The demon proceeds to glide over towards the duo. 

RACOON   
What is that thing?   
  
BROWN CAT   
  
I HAVE NO IDEA. 

A slam of the door. We pan towards the inside of the house. The duo flinches as the Handmaiden breaks down the inside of the door. The inside of the door shatters. 

BROWN CAT   
-beginning to panic-

What if we don’t make it?

DOG   
What do you mean?   
  
BROWN CAT

What if there is no afterlife?   
  
DOG   
What?   
  
BROWN CAT   
I was just thinking…

A beat. 

DOG   
We don’t know what's on the other side. 

The handmaiden advances. There is blood on the wall. 

  
BROWN CAT   
Are you saying that there could be nothing at all?   
  
A beat. 

  
BROWN CAT   
What if we die, and there happens to be a giant orgy. Everyone has both male and female genitals, and… and…

  
DOG   
That's going in my nightmares tonight. 

  
BROWN CAT

I dream about that every night. 

  
DOG   
Thanks a lot. 

Without warning, the heavily pregnant John the horse rushes forth with a broom. SYLVIA along with him. 

  
THE HANDMAIDEN winces at this. The complete opposite of the horse, we see her attempt to attack. This earns her a wack with the broom. 

Howling, the handmaiden rushes up the chimney. John the horse chases after her. 

Cut to black. 


	28. Chapter 28

Isaac’s pregnant. She’s also on the show Fifteen and pregnant! Hosted by MTV.

Camel   
-Slowly-

Fifteen and pregnant…

We cut to the character banging his head on the desk. He gives out a groan. 

CHAMELEON  
C’ mon.

The raccoon groans in response to this. He gives out a whiff. 

RACOON  
Fifteen and pregnant. 

CHAMELEON  
-narrating-  
This is-

Hoof boy   
Isaac is a horny little-

RACOON

  
I don’t understand why it’s called 15 and pregnant when some of these parents are too old to be teenagers. Like some of them are in their mid-twenties and they have four-year-olds. Those guys have a lot of experience!

CAMEL looks at the raccoon. He shakes his head at the raccoon. 

RACOON

Amazingly, we have a television at all. If we need to preserve power, then MTV is one of the few news channels. 

Hoo-boy  
-flustered-  
MTV isn’t news! You’re watching trash! Fuck this noise! You (bleeped out) stupid, (retracted), (bleeped), (retracted), (bleep) idiots! What are you doing watching (bleeping) shit!?!

We cut to two teenagers speaking

Teen mother   
So, are you like going butch or something?

Teenager Isaac  
Erm, what makes you say that?

  
* the First fight occurs as Isaac beats the teen mom up. 

Roger is doing paperwork. The pencil makes a scratching noise as he writes down information.

CAMEL  
Roger, you wouldn’t happen to be infected?

ROGER  
Why would I be?

CAMEL  
Just checking. 

He frowns a bit. He erases a sentence. Roger has a hard time processing the fact that “The Dark Emperor” was attracted to Isaac. Inside he has torn apart, but so what?   
ROGER  
No, we’ve got to survive. 

He keeps writing. 

CAMEL  
Wait for a second…

He thinks for a second. He crumples the paper into a ball. The ball went straight into the trash can. 

ROGER  
Good. Stupid Isaac had to snatch has to steal my flame away!

KENDRA walks up to him. 

KENDRA   
It’s not snatching…

ROGER  
-meeting Kendras glance-  
What isn’t it?

KENDRA

Technically speaking, it was Isaac making a wrong choice.

ROGER  
are JOHN and SYLVIA swingers? 

KENDRA  
-thinking-  
Is something wrong? 

ROGER  
-stammering-  
It’s-it’s… John. 

KENDRA  
Oh, does someone have a crush on John? 

ROGER

“I feel as if the world is taunting me because Isaac didn’t think too clearly, by stealing my crush away!” “It isn’t fair!”

Kendra crossed her arms. 

KENDRA

“I get it. You had a ‘thing’ or a crush, but now some evil being has stolen your babe. I understand your frustration.” 

Roger nodded in agreement. Kendra turns to the T.V.

KENDRA

“Sometimes I feel frustrated too. I could have been a world-famous musician if some Buffon hadn’t ruined our chances by going back in time and killing us. 

SYLVIA   
-offscreen-  
“It’s over and done with!”

Kendra:  
Exactly. I can’t go back to the early 60s because if I did, the time and space continuum would go ballistic. Roger looked back at the TV. “Your right. It’s just a show. I mean what could happen?” 

SYLVIA  
Why would you say that?

KENDRA  
Say what?

SYLVIA  
Say what’s the worst that could happen? Your essentially tempting fate. 

KENDRA  
Don’t be ridiculous. 

Teen Isaac:

Sometimes I feel like John’s not even my boyfriend. He gets this weird look in his eyes. 

SYLVIA  
-choking with rage-  
Boyfriend? 

RACOON  
Easy now…

SYLVIA  
That’s my husband. 

RACOON   
It’s not worth it. 

SYLVIA  
-still choking-  
My husband. 

Panto teenage John:

Teen John: “I’m not even sure about myself. I keep thinking about this guy, Roger. I feel guilty about getting into this relationship because I feel like Isaac and I won’t have a stable relationship if I tell her the truth.”

SYLVIA  
-huffing-  
You know what. I’m not even mad anymore. 

ROGER  
Hang on. 

SYLVIA   
Not at you. 

ROGER  
I’m not gay. 

ISAAC  
-Biting lip, acting soften-  
Erma god, you had sex with a dude?

Hoof boy  
_somewhat sarcastically-  
Sure. Like that's going to work. 

BROWN CAT  
Maybe he thinks you’re a girl. 

ISAAC  
-Hormonistaclly-  
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW I FEEL!

We cut to a chair randomly smashing. 

ISAAC  
-soft-spoken-  
I’m, erm, so sorry. I’m just so horny, and sad...

CLYDESDALE  
We’re screwed. 

We cut to the interior of the house. 

TEENAGER ONE  
I know it's bad for me. 

TEENAGER TWO  
Erma god, It was just one chapter of fifty shades of gray. 

TEENAGER ONE  
-SOMEWHAT OVER DRAMATICALLY-  
THAT MAKES ME UPSET FOR SOME REASON. 

We cut to black. 


	29. Chapter 29

**Maria**

**We need to leave now.**

**Racoon**

**Burn the house down.**

**Maria**

**What?**

**Racoon**

**You heard me. Find some gasoline, and burn the house to the ground.**

**Maria**

**Are you insane?**

**Racoon**

**If we burn the house to the ground, then your sister won’t read the tools.**

**Maria**

**-thinking-**

**That sounds… strangely like a good idea.**

**Racoon**

**I know what I’m doing.**

**Maria**

**Why would we burn the house to the ground?**

**Racoon**

**We need to burn the house to the ground because we can’t carry those documents.**

**Fox**

**We need a plan.**

**Racoon**

**That is our plan.**

**Fox**

**Wheres the gasoline?**

**Racoon shrugs at this.**

**Racoon**

**Behind the shed.**

**Fox**

**Right oh!**

**The fox leaves the scene. It is not a good moment for all.**

**Maria**

**But my maps!**

**  
Racoon**

**We’ll find a way!**

**Maria is not happy with this.**

**Maria**

**Those maps were pretty important…**

  
  


**Elsewhere, in a different part of hell, Hoofboy is being punished with reality television. She winces as a handmaiden, she is forced to endure the consequences of 21st-century entertainment.**

**Teenager**

**I can’t believe you would give my friend genital herpes!**

**  
Teenage father**

**I don’t regret it one second!**

**Hoo-boy**

**-interjecting-**

**Did you give my friend herpes?**

**Teenage Father**

**I did!**

**  
Hoofboy**

**You turd!**

  
  


**Blind seal**

**I am blind.**

**Racoon**

**I am disordered.**

**Racoon gestures.**

**Racoon**

**I don’t mean “oh I’m disordered in I belong on a different planet I’m cute kind of way.” I mean I’m disordered like I was deprived of oxygen type of way. “Like a plane crashing into a war zone disorder. Like I I fell out of my mother disordered.”  
  
Blind seal**

**Is that how it is?**

**  
Racoon**

**Perhaps this type of anger is projected.**

**Blind seal**

**Maybe you’re on to something.**

  
  


**FOX**

**“Maria made sure that the luggage was tied together. make sure that her precious maps and diagrams were tied together and put under a seat. I ran up and down the stairs to get people on the bus.”  
  
**

**RACOON  
Just get the gas can heathen.**

**FOX  
How can I trust you?**

**  
RACOON**

**Just trust me?**

**FOX  
You don’t seem very trustworthy**

**  
Mary looked around the farmhouse.**

**Mary**

**Wheres our crew members?**

**DOG**

**I’ve got cutlery!**

**  
MARY**

**We’re burning the house to the ground. Why would we need cutlery?**

**DOG  
I thought it would look nice.**

**MARY**

**Forget the cutlery.**

**DOG whimpers a bit. He puts the cutlery in the bag.**

  
  
  


**Roger snagged old clothes from the attic.**

**Mary**

**Roger, what do you think you doing?**

**  
Roger is wearing a pretty prom dress.**

**  
Mary**

**-thinking for a second-**

**Are you afraid of transforming?**  
  
Roger

**No. I’ve come to terms with it.**

**Mary**

**How have you come to terms with transforming?**

**Roger**

**I misheard you. I thought you were asking me if I had come to terms with death.**


	30. Chapter 30

We smash cut to two of the characters in the middle of traffic. Roger is in the front seat. We cut to the RV gone. The characters mutter to themselves having needed that. 

Roger 

Have you ever tried cigarettes before?

  
Sparkly twinkle toes

I haven’t.

Roger 

I need a cigarette. 

The two stop in the middle of the road. 

  
Sparkly twinkle toes

I don’t have a cigarette. 

Roger begins to sweat profusely. He groans in pain. 

  
Sparkly twinkle toes

Don’t be so dramatic. 

ROGER   
-groaning-

I’m not being dramatic. 

Sparkly twinkle toes 

What’s wrong with you? No f-bombs?

ROGER   
I think I should let up on the f-bombs.

Sparkly twinkle toes 

What?

ROGER   
Because the amount of f-bombs is indicative of an inability to regulate anger management from an unavailable father figure from a traumatic childhood which is completely valid. 

A beat.    
  
ROGER   
I’m kidding. I need some fucking cigarettes. 

Sparkly twinkle toes begin to bang her head on the steering wheel. repeatedly. 

  
We cut to the house completely doused in gasoline. Unable to drive to the bus, the entire cast resigns to walk. As the entire cast begins to scatter, the BROWN CAT notices a singular character not moving. Headlights in the distance glare in the distance. 

BROWN CAT

What are you doing?

DOG

I’m staying here.   
  


BROWN CAT

No.

The BROWN CAT freezes as the DOG takes in the road. 

  
THE BROWN CAT 

You need to move. 

DOG   
I’m done. I’m already infected with the virus. What else do I have to lose?

Before the cat can interject, a crew member grabs her arm. 

  
BROWN CAT   
-sobbing-

Wait!

  
She attempts to fight back. The CREW MEMBER pulls her along, walking alongside the road. The DOG holds the lighter in his paw, 

Crew member

Let’s go!

The camera pans away indicating that the group is getting further and further away. The DOG walks towards the grill. The lighter emits a click. He gives on the last glance as the crew members nod. It’s an outright suicidal move. 

The DOG begins to toss the lighter into the house. He begins to walk away. He proceeds to run as the house becomes engulfed in flames. At first, the fire begins to lick at the curtains. The DOG looks at the house one last time.

  
Its a risk. There are important maps in the household. The household collapses underneath the heat. Smoke breaks through the cracks of the burning building. A fireball of an explosion. The DOG continues to run through the Forrest. No one is going to catch him. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


We cut to the others on the road. 

  
CREWMEMBER   
  
We’ll meet again… I don’t know where… I don’t know when…

CREW MEMBER 2

That's a song from the 40s?   
  
CREW MEMBER   
What?

CREW MEMBER 2

  
Yeah. Vera Lynn.

CREW MEMBER   
-singing-

I don’t know when…

He stops singing. The crew continues to walk. 

CREW MEMBER   
I think they used that song to raise morale in the second world war. 

ZEBRA   
My great grandfather fought in the war. He could do the math. No wonder he survived. Liberated a couple of concentration camps.    
  
A beat.

ZEBRA   
Why do I suck at math? Why can’t the mechanism for survival just kick in?

FOX   
What are you talking about?   
  
ZEBRA

It’s like this thing in my brain needs to kick in. Why am I not like my great grandfather? 

FOX 

No, don't do that.

  
ZEBRA   
Do what?

  
FOX   
You know what I mean. 

  
ZEBRA   
-quietly-

Please don’t give me a lecture.

A beat. 

  
CHAMELEON   
My father was an alcoholic.

Another beat. FOX jumps in. 

  
FOX   
Oh, that’s awful. 

  
CHAMELEON

-quickly changing the subject-

I can drink as much as I can and not get intoxicated. 

THE SKUNK laughs at this. THE CHAMELEON begins to speak even more.    
  
THE CHAMELEON

What happened to us?   
  
THE SKUNK   
I don’t know. It’s like there’s a veil over my head. 

THE CHAMELEON   
Shit. You seem quiet. 

THE SKUNK

-Mirabile-

Really?

  
  


THE CHAMELEON smells of cigarettes. Like the SKUNK, she is tense. The two share an emotional bond. The penguin wanders over. Not realizing the social awareness, he begins to speak. Before he can say anything socially inappropriate, another character is about to jump him. The skunk holds him back. 

CREWMEMBER 

Let me at him!

SKUNK 

What did he do?   
  
CREWMEMBER    
-Very angry-

He said that the natives should have gotten smallpox. 

  
CHAMELEON   
Kick his ass!   
  
CREWMEMBER   
I can’t!

  
SKUNK   
I think he might be somewhere at the end of the autistic spectrum.   
  
CREWMEMBER   
I’m autistic too!

A handmaiden steps out of the shadows. Very social justice.    
  
HANDMAIDEN   
I find the notion of neurodivergent minded people being racist against POCs offensive.    
  
She pats SAMs head. 

  
SKUNK   
Come on! You would have kicked his ass!

HANDMAIDEN   
I highly advise against beating up a neurodivergent penguin. 

  
  


HANDMAIDEN   
(cont.)   
I think I’m on the spectrum myself. 

A beat.

  
SKUNK

-Sighing-

Now I’m mad. 

Some of the crew members try to hold her back. They fail. A small child about 10 years old, cries into her shoulder.

Small child 

You promised.

THE SKUNK hands him her purse, and consequently, her earrings. The small child continues to whimper. 

SKUNK   
This will make sense when you're older, ok?

We cut to rocks being thrown at the handmaiden. The handmaiden runs evading the rocks. 

SKUNK    
FUCK YOU. 

HANDMAIDEN   
Please stop attacking me!   
  
SKUNK   
You goddamn bitch. You have no right to refer to yourself as  _ autistic. _

HANDMAIDEN   
Fuck you!

More rocks are being thrown. 

  
SKUNK _   
_ You have no idea what  _ it's like _ being autistic. __

HANDMAIDEN   
This is why no one likes me!

SKUNK   
Go to hell you whore!

Even more, rocks are being thrown. 

HANDMAIDEN attempts to attack. It’s no use when rocks are being thrown. 

SKUNK   
What the hell is wrong with you?

Another beat. 

  
SKUNK   
Hussy!   
  


THE HANDMAIDEN attempts to find more rocks. Out of nowhere a chair flies in the air. 

  
SKUNK

-near tears-   
I HATE YOU!

HANDMAIDEN   
WHAT DID I DO WRONG. 

Near explosive tears. Tears are rushing down the SKUNKS face. She continues to throw rocks. 

  
SKUNK   
You ruined my life!   
  


She continues to throw even more rocks at the handmaiden. 

  
HANDMAIDEN   
No, I didn’t!   
  
SKUNK   
Shut up!

  
The HANDMAIDEN looks at the rocks horrified. 

  
HANDMAIDEN   
Fuck you then!

SKUNK   
SKANK!   
  
HANDMAIDEN   
BULLY!   
  
SKUNK   
REAL MATURE!

Even more, rocks are being thrown.    
  
HANDMAIDEN   
ASSHOLE!   
  
  


SKUNK   
YOU’RE NOT AUTISTIC YOU DUMBASS! YOU HAVE A PERSONALITY DISORDER!

HANDMAIDEN   
THAT DOES IT!   
  


She attempts to call for reinforcements. Another rock is thrown cutting her short. The skunk begins to pant.

SKUNK   
-somewhat tearfully-

You're the reason I have no friends!   
  
More panting.    
  
SKUNK   
I hate you. I hate you. I hate…

In a near heap, she throws up.    
  
SKUNK   
Hate.. hate… hate…

She vomits once more. 

SKUNK   
I hate myself for having a disorder. 

She heaves on the road. The crew stands by idly. 

  
SKUNK   
I don’t like the fact I have a disorder.

She vomits.

  
Crew member

Are you ok?

  
SKUNK   
I think so. 

  
  


We cut to a clearing. 

  
SMALL CHILD   
Tell me a story. 

  
RACOON

A small boy walks away from his school, which happens to be a red brick house. The teacher does not notice that the young pupil has strayed from his schoolhouse. He wanders over the Forrest. Looking at the rushing river, he takes a peek. It must have been a good couple of miles. Being the little truant, he decides it would be a good idea to play in the paper mill. Unfortunately, he steps too close to the paper mill. We cut to a scream. Blood emits from the mill. 

  
The Small child looks frightened. 

RACOON   
That’s why we don’t play in paper mills. 

CREW MEMBER   
DID SOMEONE SAY PAPER MILLS?

cut to black


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 32

In this chapter, time travel ensues. Eh sounds too complicated.

PENGUIN

I’ve lived here for a few weeks and I know that we don’t live in a rain jungle! Vegetation replaced the crooked farmhouses, and trees grew larger, filling the streets with gigantic trunks. Then it started to snow. Flakes became flurries which became a giant blizzard. Maria swerved to avoid a collision. The snow turned into a bright light. It was so hard to look at it without my eyes burning into a fine liquid. 

CAMEL   
What?

PENGUIN

We’re back in the stone age!

CAMEL   
-slightly confused, even louder-

What?   
  
PENGUIN

We’re in a coronation ceremony!

  
CAMEL

Ah!

He sips his coffee. He spews it out. 

CAMEL   
SOMEONE’S becoming royalty?

  
PENGUIN   
Yes!

  
CAMEL   
Oh shit! I need my coffee!

He rushes over to the donation bin. He rushes through the clothes. 

PENGUIN

...After a few minutes, it was safe to use my eyes to look around…

**EVERYONE**

**Where are we?**

**  
** **It appears to be in the middle of a coronation in the middle of the apocalypse. Cue more sips of coffee. A brief moment before the pandemic. Violins are trembling in the background.**

**  
** **MARIA**

**The recrowning ceremony.**

**  
** **EVERYONE**

**The what ceremony?** **  
** **  
** **MARIA** **  
** **In this ceremony, we recrown the supreme being of the universe. My sister DAMIEN is one member of the high council.**

**  
  
**

**RACOON**

**Who’s going to be recrowned?**

**MARIA**

**If the cat is the evil one, then we’re going to have to find a celestial virgin.**

**RACOON** **  
** **Don’t look at me!**

**MARIA** **  
** **Not you.**

**  
** **THE HOUSEWIFE** **  
** **Me?** **  
** **  
** **MARIA** **  
** **We need a virgin.**

**Nobody looks at the zebra.**

**ZEBRA** **  
** **….**

**A beat.**

**  
** **ZEBRA**

**Fine.**

**  
** **MARIA**

**You?** **  
  
**

**ZEBRA**

**I’ve been holding off for a while now.**

**Another beat.** **  
** **  
** **MARIA**

**You know what this means.**

**  
** **ZEBRA**

**I know.**

**  
** **ZEBRA** **  
** **I Hereby surrender my mortality.**

**  
** **SYLVIA** **  
** **Perhaps there is another way?** **  
** **  
** **The ZEBRA shakes her head, indicating that she must do so.**

**  
** **MARIA** **  
** **Are you crazy?** **  
** **  
** **ZEBRA**

**I am crazy.**

**  
** **MARIA**

**But think of your loved ones!** **  
** **  
** **ZEBRA** **  
** **They won’t care.**

**  
** **She sips her coffee. Offscreen, the camel grabs some garments.**

**ZEBRA**

**No one cares about me.**

**  
** **MARIA** **  
** **Are you sure about this?**

**  
** **ZEBRA** **  
** **I am willing.**

**  
** **MARIA shakes her head. RACOON shakes hers as well.**

  
  


PENGUIN   
  


-somewhat loudly-

The first event of the year was spent in the first year man started thinking, “Hey, you know what would be a good idea? How about we start using our feet to walk instead of using our arms!” I cannot believe the first moment of 2020 was spent in the ICE AGE. ‘

We cut to the two sleeping in the trash bin.

  
PENGUIN    
We’re not supposed to use the heat because there were no gas stations in the time of apes! 

He begins to create a spear from the broom. 

PENGUIN

CAMEL started to create a spear. He made a stick with an arrowhead. Yay! If he dies, we’re screwed over. So we have to make a group of two, hunters and gathers... 

BROWN CAT   
The state of Louisiana was a prairie around this period.

  
SAM

…..


	32. Chapter 32

PENGUIN   
  


The first group stays on the bus while the hunters went outside. If the hunters get killed, then we become hunters! The ice age is a cruel environment, as Smilodons (big cats with giant fangs) are frequent. 

CAT   
SAM, wait for a second.

PENGUIN   
What?   
  
CAT   
I think… and this could be a stretch... I think we’re in preglacial Illinois. 

  
PENGUIN   
Preglacial?   
  
CAT

According to my research… we’re unlikely to find a smilodon...

A pause.

  
CAT   
If anything… we’re more likely to be in danger of a cave lion...

PENGUIN   
A cave lion?   
  
We cut to a mammoth walking outside. Unknownst to him.. a cave lion attacks him. We cut back to the PENGUIN   
  
PENGUIN   
What's a cave lion?   
  
CAT   
A cave lion is an American lion that lives in the caves. 

  
  


PENGUIN

So are wolves, which are also known to hunt in packs. These giant muscular cats are not only a pest, but they’re also prone to jumping human beings with their thick ebony claws…

A cave wolf approaches the two of them. A CAVE WOLF is larger than a regular wolf. 

CAVE WOLF   
-growling noise-

CAT   
Don’t blink.

  
THE PENGUIN begins to twitch nervously. 

  
PENGUIN   
-nervously swallows-

THE WOLF begins to attack. THE PENGUIN squeals as he runs offscreen. 

He could not see, because the sharp, winter winds made him blind. He randomly stabs shallow pockets of air, because he feared for his life. A tan-colored shadow made a blur behind the CAMEL. He whirls around. The predator made a deep growl as it lurches towards him.

THE CAMEL emerged from the snowbank with a pelt of fur on his shoulders. He was traumatized by that experience. Now if he encountered a Mastodon or a Mammoth, that would be a lucky chance indeed.

CAMEL   
How am I not dead yet?   
  
MAMMOTH   
You should be dead.

  
CAMEL   
I am accosted to fighting Simlideons. This doesn’t make sense…

  
  


We cut to SYLVIA.

  
SYLVIA   
What's going on?   
  
CAMEL   
Bla coronation.

  
SYLVIA   
No. You took down a smilodon. 

  
CAMEL   
And?   
  


SYLVIA puts down the newspaper.

SYLVIA

You are very low on the food chain buddy. 

CAMEL   
Is this because I’m a herbivore?

SYLVIA   
You are a wimp noodle!   
  
CAMEL   
A wimp noodle? I’ll show you a wimp noodle!

  
We cut to the two in front of a window. Isaac stumbles out of bed. 

  
CAMEL   
-whispering-

What are we doing?   
  
SYLVIA   
I forgot what we were doing.

A fey homosexual lies on the mattress. He turns over to pull the pillow over his head. HOMOSEXUAL grunts.

CAMEL   
Do you have a degree SYLV?   
  
SYLVIA   
NO?   
  
CAMEL   
Argh.

  
SYLVIA punches him on the head.    
  
CAMEL   
Hang on a second-

  
SYLVIA

-whispering-

QUIET!   
  
She muffles his snout.

THE HOMOSEXUAL doesn’t want to hear about Isaac’s morning sickness. Heck, he didn’t want to be a father.

  
CAMEL   
-somewhat quietly-

So whats going on is Isaac is- 

He thinks for a moment.

  
SYLVIA

-softly-   
Intentionally broke some condoms? Did the baby trap a poor unsuspecting homosexual into a heterosexual relationship?

CAMEL

That's messed up.

  
SYLVIA   
It is.

The two hides underneath the window sill. Isaac wobbles over to the sink. She reaches over to the cabinet. Inside was the pregnancy test. She glances at it. Maybe it was impossible, but could she be pregnant with THE HOMOSEXUALS child?

SYLVIA   
That's not how homos-

She bangs her head on the window sill.

SYLVIA

That's! NOT! HOW! HOMOSEXUALS! OPERATE! ARGH!

HOMOSEXUAL 

-offscreen-

Darling, I do believe that someone is banging their head out of our window. 

  
SYLVIA   
ARGH!   
  
A brief silence. Very thick. So quiet that you can feel it. We hear a sharp scream.

ISAAC   
CHRIST!

  
THE HOMOSEXUAL    
What is it darling!   
  
ISAAC   
I'm PREGNANT!   
  
HOMOSEXUAL   
IT’S NOT MINE!   
  
ISAAC   
OF COURSE, IT’S NOT YOURS!   
  
HOMOSEXUAL   
DARLING, DID YOU SERIOUSLY STICK A PREGNANCY STICK IN YOUR ARSEHOLE?   
  
ISAAC   
...NO.

HOMOSEXUAL

DEARIE ME, DID YOU STICK A PREGNANCY STICK UP YOUR BUM?   
  


ISAAC   
ERM, I DIDN’T STICK A PREGNANCY STICK UP MY ANUS.

  
THE HOMOSEXUAL   
YOU ARE AN ASTROPHYSICIST, AND YOU SHOVED IT UP YOUR-

ISAAC   
NOW THAT SOUNDS STUPID!   
  
HOMOSEXUAL   
SO YOU’RE A GIRL NOW?   
  
ISAAC   
APPARENTLY!

  
HOMOSEXUAL   
DARLING, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING THAT FROM ME?

  
  
CAMEL   
HOW LONG DO WE HAVE UNTIL HOOFBOY FINDS US?   
  
SYLVIA   
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

CAMEL   
You know since we hastily.

He makes a cutting gesture with his hooves.    
  
SYLVIA   
Since we performed a highly questionable illegal and need I mention ameature surgical procedure converting his testicles to ovaries?   
  
CAMEL   
-swallowing-

Yep.

  
SYLVIA   
You don’t think he would kill us?

We cut to the handmaiden limping in heels…

HANDMAIDEN   
-screaming-

Ouch!

  
CAMEL   
No. Not kill us… 

  
SYLVIA   
She’s going to kill us.

  
CAMEL   
She?   
  
SYLVIA   
What? It’s easier to remember if I use female pronouns for these types of things. 

  
CAMEL   
But he identified as a male?   
  
SYLVIA   
Identifies as a male. 

  
CAMEL   
Now I have a migraine.

He puts his head in his head. 

CAMEL   
Now I’m confused.    
  
SYLVIA   
Great. Good to know. 

  
CAMEL   
Oh, good lord, this is hard…   
  
SYLVIA   
Put it back.    
  
SYLVIA puts her head in the CAMELS shoulder. John pops his head out of the window.    
JOHN   
SYLVIA!   
  
SYLVIA   
-forcefully grinning-

Fancy seeing you here!   
  
JOHN   
It appears that I made a whoopsie. 

  
SYLVIA   
-sighing-

You idiot. You made a whoopsie in the locker room. Do you not remember that?   
  
JOHN   
I don’t recall.

He thinks for a moment. A light bulb goes off in his head, as he recalls the sexual escapades that occurred in the locker room.    
  
JOHN   
ah! 

A beat.

SYLVIA   
Am I having a stroke?

JOHN leans out of the window.    
  
JOHN 

Why did I have sexual intercourse with Isaac again?

  
SYLVIA   
Because you have no impulse control?   
  
JOHN scoffs at this. 

JOHN   
That’s ridiculous!   
  


Offscreen ISAAC calls for JOHN. JOHN turns around to face him.    
  
SYLVIA   
Don’t you dare?

  
JOHN   
Honey, I wouldn’t dream of giving away your position.

  
SYLVIA   
But you slept with the enemy?

  
JOHN   
Fair point. I was possibly intoxicated during sex. 

  
SYLVIA shrugs at this. She is on the outlook for the Handmaiden. 

  
SYLVIA   
You’re unbelievable. 

  
JOHN   
Me? Unbelievable?

  
ISAAC calls for JOHN to grow louder. JOHN leaves the room. 

  
SYLVIA   
Christ. 

  
CAMEL begins to scold her.

  
SYLVIA   
What?   
  
CAMEL   
Are you insane? You just gave away our position. 

  
SYLVIA 

Our position? 

Int. the doctor's office. DAY.

  
DOCTOR is looking over the notes. He shows them a graph. 

  
DOCTOR   
I have some bad news…

THE HOMOSEXUAL, ISAAC, and JOHN are in the same room together. 

DOCTOR   
It’s not testicular cancer. 

  
ISAAC

It isn’t?   
  
HOMOSEXUAL

Dearie me, weren’t you yelling about being pregnant?

INT. WAITING ROOM. DAY

  
SYLVIA waits outside of the waiting room. She is slightly furious at JOHN. She aggressively knits. Quietly cursing JOHN. Next to her, THE HANDMAIDEN waits next to her. 

INT. OFFICE. DAY. 

  
  


JOHN

-addressing the doctor-

“That’s impossible! How can a woman be pregnant with two biological children?” 

ISAAC   
It’s called having twins dumbasses!

Isaac shakes her head. 

  
JOHN 

Not heavy like having a pumpkin inside her stomach, but she feels as if the pumpkin was filled to the brim with rocks, weighing 1,000 pounds. giant catfish swimming inside her stomach.

DOCTOR

Interesting. 

Isaac

My hormones have-

She cuts herself off.

  
ISAAC   
How am I pregnant? 

DOCTOR shrugs at this.

  
DOCTOR   
The condom snapped?   
  
ISAAC   
That’s insane! I shouldn’t be pregnant?   
  
DOCTOR   
How is that insane?   
  
ISAAC   
I didn’t wake up with-

She gestures to her lower genitals.    
  
ISAAC   
this!

We cut back to the waiting room. 

  
HANDMAIDEN does not turn to SYLVIA.

  
HANDMAIDEN

Why does a mortal have more than one child?   
  
SYLVIA

-very good off-

  
You mean conceive a child during pregnancy? Impossible. 

She puts down her needles. The HANDMAIDEN quietly giggles to herself. 

SYLVIA   
  


What? What may I ask is so funny?

We cut to the two men looking at the doctor. We cut back to the two women. 

HANDMAIDEN

Isaac or Daemen, as she was preferred to be called, never experienced the tingly feeling of childbirth before. 

SYLVIA   
Oh really?

  
HANDMAIDEN   
Maybe the two can become betrothed.

  
SYLVIA   
Bethrothed?

  
HANDMAIDEN nods at this. She does not look at SYLVIA. THE HANDMAIDEN turns to the waiting room.    
  
  
HANDMAIDEN   
Wed. Getting Isaac pregnant is the equivalent of a proposal in our culture

  
SYLVIA   
-aggressively knitting-

That’s my husband. 

  
HANDMAIDEN

Your husband?

  
She spots ISAAC outside of the waiting room. She grins at Isaac in a somewhat unfriendly manner. 

SYLVIA 

-quietly repeating-

Bethrothed?


	33. Chapter 33

Maria found herself in her father’s kingdom.

CAMEL

Are we talking planes trains and automobiles?

  
MARIA

Are you referring to the lackluster movie about going to your parent's house?

CAMEL   
No, I was thinking about going back in time to prevent the world from being taking over by robots?   
  
MARIA   
That's a movie?

CAMEL

-groaning-

No. I was asking if we could time travel to the 1950s by using plutonium. 

Maria

We could do that?

CAMEL

Were you locked up in a basement or something?

MARIA   
I was accidentally locked up in the basement by my evil sister. 

CAMEL   
Accident. Right. 

She was always welcome of course, but she was in the past. 

The kingdom was her home. She was born from the roots of the gods.

CAMEL   
Pardon?

  
MARIA   
It means I’m a big deal around these parts. I have another name. This one is much easier to pronounce. 

CAMEL

Why are we here?

  
CAMEL turns to Maria. 

MARIA does not answer this question. 

  
MARIA   
I feel like I’m reliving my coronation.

CAMEL   
What does that mean?

  
MARIA   
It means I have to surrender something of mine. 

CAMEL

-guessing somewhat jokingly-

Your life force?

MARIA

Correct.

She turns around to face the camel. The camel is covered in bargain bin items. She scowls, feeling the pressure of being an interdimensional deity. 

MARIA   
I have to go. 

CAMEL   
Hang on a second!   
  
MARIA rummages through the bargain bin items. Her parents are not going to be amused at the band of ragtag misfits she brought along.

  
CAMEL   
What's the deal? ARE THEY RICH OR SOMETHING?

MARIA   
I have to make sure that my sister isn’t screwing around.

CAMEL   
Screwing around?

MARIA 

Has she taken a human host?   
  


CAMEL paces around. 

  
CAMEL   
It has seems she has taken a host.

MARIA   
Possession?

  
CAMEL   
-correcting her-

Pregnancy.

MARIA thinks for a moment. She begins to laugh, startling the camel somewhat into dropping an item. 

Maria

Pregnancy?

She continues to laugh very sharply. 

  
CAMEL   
Is something the matter?   
  
MARIA   
You mean…

CAMEL   
In the body of a mortal?   
  
MARIA   
Mortal? Ha! We have plenty of time! 

CAMEL rummages looking for a tuxedo. Having found a box, he tries it on. 

  
MARIA   
Hey dad!

MARIAS father

What?

  
MARIA   
ISAAC got knocked up!   
  
The two proceed to laugh. Marias Father does not notice the pauper of a camel slinking around. 

  
MARIA’S FATHER   
Isaac got knocked up?   
  
MARIA   
The condom snapped!   
  
The camel unnoticed pulls a suitable polo over his head. Seemingly quite rich, he attempts to wobble over to the two characters. 

  
MARIA’s Father 

Nine months!   
  
CAMEL walks over to MARIAS's father. 

  
CAMEL   
A couple of weeks if she doesn’t pull the “supernatural” route of pregnancy!   
  
Overhearing this, the penguin gasps. 

PENGUIN

SPOILER!   
  
CAMEL   
Oh, be quiet sam this is retribution for mentioning that irritating song.

The pegasus overhearing the mention of the song howls in horror. 

PEGASUS   
  


Ahh! We need no education! NO DARK SARCASM! AHHH   
  


MARIA   
PEGGY!   
  
THE PEGASUS begins to cry out in agony.

  
PEGGY   
Make it stop! Make it stop!   
  
The earworm begins to blast throughout the stereo. The pegasus has forgotten for a brief moment about her broken wing. This of course is her version of hell. In reaction to this, she lets out an ear-piercing scream. Overwhelmed, fighting against showing weakness. For a brief moment, she has tried to hide the fact she is disabled. She has forgotten she cannot fly. Her senses are on fire. She wants to make it stop. For a brief moment, she wants the pain to stop. The pegasus who cannot fly howls like a banshee, in an attempt to make things easier. She screams the lyrics over and over again as a form of comfort. As a bandaid that was being ripped off. 


	34. Chapter 34

PENGUIN   
  


If Maria’s existence were erased, then the world would be doomed. If Daemen became royalty then she would have control over time, entire universes, and everything the people worked so hard on. 

MARIA grunts at this. This is stupid. She snaps her fingers. This is a spell. 

PENGUIN 

If they got rid of Daemen, then they would not have to worry about her evil twin sister. Her evil sister might be her only relative, but she needed to be destroyed.

  
The bus begins to flicker insight. At first, the brownish-yellow bus appears tiny on the horizon. 

Maria began to realize that her mode of transportation did not look right.

MARIA 

Uh oh. 

MARIA

This doesn’t look good. 

Maria taps on the bus windows. She gives the group an aggravated glance. 

  
CAMEL   
What?

PEGASUS

Is something wrong?   
  
MARIA   
You need to look like gods. 

PEGASUS   
How?   
  
MARIA looks at the group. Very disgusted. 

MARIA   
You’re resembling a bunch of gangs who appear to be homeless. 

PEGGY scratches her fur. Frostbite. They huddle together in a seat, as a means of warmth. clothes were soiled and stiff like cardboard. some of them riddled with holes. CAMELS shoulders stained a rusty red from his hunting expedition. Maria sniffs.

MARIA   
WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU’VE TAKEN A SHOWER?   
  
PEGGY   
WHEN THE PANDEMIC STARTED?

  
MARIA   
-SHAKING HEAD-

  
  


Clean up.

  
ROGER stirs on the bed. 

ROGER   
PEGGY.

  
PEGGY walks over to ROGER.

  
ROGER

-sobbing-   
Do you think you can hide from me PEGGY?

  
PEGGY   
JESUS CHRIST.

  
ROGER

-sobbing incoherently-   
Where the fuck is my dick PEGGY?

  
  


PEGGY   
-quietly-

Not now ROGER.

  
ROGER

-sobbing incrementally-

I am unable to maintain an erection without a penis. 

  
THE BLIND GIRL is laughing at this. ROGER begins to cry hormonally. 

  
PEGGY   
Are you ok?   
  
ROGER   
-sobbing incrementally-

What about my sex life? What am I going to do now?

  
PEGGY   
Do you like girls?   
  
ROGER   
-sobbing -

PEGGY gestures with her broken wing.    
  
ROGER

-sobbing inchorentally-

FUCK me PEGGY I can’t go into lesbian bars...

  
PEGGY   
-quietly-

Are you ovulating ROGER?   
  
ROGER

-sobbing -   
What the FUCK does that suppose to mean?

PEGGY 

-quietly-

You’re probably ovulating. 

ROGER 

-angrily, almost incidentally, crying-

Am I ovulating? Am I in pain?   
  
PEGGY begins to close her eyes. The transformation is slowly starting to begin. Pretending to be white. Rich. 

  
Peggy's wings begin to disappear. They melt into the folds of her skin.    
  
ROGER cries. 

  
ROGER   
Goddammit, what is happening to me?   
  


His voice grows higher as the effects of the spell take ahold. Peggy's hair grows platinum. Her neck contracts then shrink. In front of what used to be a pegasus is a nude woman.    
  
PEGGY   
Is this what it feels to be-

  
  


ROGER   
Do you think you can run away from yourself?   
  
For a brief moment, she admires her hand. Very thin. Pretty. 

  
ROGER 

-howls in pain-

  
PEGGY admires her hand some more. Deep in thought. Her body is immaculate. 

  
PEGGY   
I-

ROGER   
Quit it!

He howls some more. The howling is somewhat primal. 

  
ROGER   
Ah!   
  
PEGGY 

Is this what it feels like to be rich? Am I one of the popular kids?   
  
ROGER   
Shit!   
  
PEGGY admires her body in the mirror. 

  
PEGGY  
Am I on top of the social ladder?  
  
ROGER  
FUCK!  



	35. Chapter 35

ZEBRA

I’m not prepared.

  
MARIA   
Don’t be silly.

  
ZEBRA   
I’m not qualified to be an interdimensional deity. Everything I do is either wrong, or I’m not qualified to do this. 

MARIA

What do you mean?

  
The Zebra gives a fervent shake of her head.

ZEBRA

I-I just can't.

  
  
  


Two of the sisters waltz out of the basement. It is difficult to tell the difference between each one.

  
ZEBRA   
I don’t want to be that type of person to preach. I hate preaching. Whenever I hear someone preach it’s like I go into this shell. 

CAMEL   
Your about to be a ruler of many multidimensions. 

ZEBRA   
Multidimensional?   
  
CAMEL   
Just sit still and look pretty.

  
ZEBRA   
Like pretty depressed?

  
CAMEL   
Pretty depression?   
  
ZEBRA   
You know, the black dog?   
  
CAMEL   
The black dog?

  
ZEBRA   
The black dog is biting at my ankles. I’m feeling sad, but take some lessons from being depressed.

A beat.

  
ZEBRA   
Do you have any idea how often I’ve had to take essential oils? Like, have people tell me it's going to be alright whilst I sink into the black hole. People tell me all the time how to feel, but I don’t feel anything. It annoys me greatly how often things turn into a lecture.

Another beat.

  
ZEBRA   
I can’t stand people.

  
BLIND GIRL   
Good. I can neither stand my peers. I’m just permanently annoyed by everyone.    
  
Another beat.

  
BLIND GIRL   
Sometimes I can’t stand Sam. 

  
ZEBRA   
You can’t?   
  
BLIND GIRL   
I can’t stand how he takes up the conversation. Sometimes I want to bang my head into a desk. 

The ZEBRA turns to the BLIND GIRL. Neither is ready for the coronation. 

ZEBRA   
It's like going to rehab. People tell you god give me the serenity to accept the things you cant… and it just flies over your head. 

BLIND GIRL   
Exactly.

  
ZEBRA   
Every time I get lectured….

She thinks for a moment.

  
ZEBRA   
It's like my brain feels threatened. 

  
BLIND GIRL examines the nice clothing that is laid on the bed. 

BLIND GIRL   
-quickly changing the subject-

Do you have sadomasochistic feelings sometimes?   
  
ZEBRA   
I like the pain.

She thinks for a brief moment. 

ZEBRA   
Correction. I secretly get aroused by burning myself. I can’t feel pain.

  
BLIND SEAL examines the crown. 

  
BLIND GIRL   
Are you numb to emotions?   
  
ZEBRA   
I can’t feel physical pain. I do have empathy.    
  
THE BLIND SEAL puts the clothing away. 

  
BLIND GIRL   
How long have you been feeling this way?   
  
ZEBRA   
I gashed my leg. For some people its a moment of ow!

For a moment she trails off. In a moment of reflection. 

ZEBRA   
For me it's like a prick. My leg was bleeding to the point I needed bandaids.

  
BLIND GIRL   
I see. 

ZEBRA

But I like the pain...


	36. Chapter 36

Maria walks out of the dungeon. 

MARIA   
Are you holding up alright?

ZEBRA   
Shit! I can’t do this!   
  
MARIA   
Do what?   
  
ZEBRA   
I can’t walk outside. I can barely call someone on the telephone! I’m such a coward!

  
MARIA   
But you were doing fine earlier…

ZEBRA   
That's the problem… I’m too much of an introvert…

We cut back to ROGER. 

ROGER

-sobbing-

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY DICK?

ROGER emits a high pierced wail. Emotions start to pour out. The wail is sharp, ringing against the walls. This draws everyone's attention. 

  
Maria's ears perk up. ROGER continues to sob. She gives another howl of pain. She tugs at her crotch. Nothing. She draws her hand towards her breast. A squeeze. Her eyes widened. Lips trembling. Another squeeze. There is no look of arousal. Another pinch of the area. Fingers shaking. Fingers. No hooves. Another banshee-like howl. A glance at the extension of the hand. Very woman-like. 

  
ROGER

-howling-   
WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?

The ZEBRA does not answer this. Her body trembles. Very nervous. 

  
SYLVIA   
Hang on a second….

She snaps her fingers.

  
SYLVIA   
Now I remember! i'm ON ACID AREN’T I?   
  
FOX   
YOU ARE ON ACID.

  
CAT   
PROBABLY NOT A FAR ASSUMPTION.

  
SYLVIA   
DEFINITELY ON ACID. 

BEHIND THEM ROGER CONTINUES TO WAIL. A LOT OF CRYING IN THE BACKGROUND. SHE MOURNS FOR HER LOST APPENDAGE. SYLVIA WANDERS AROUND LOOKING FOR CLOTHES. 

ZEBRA   
How am I going to lead a kingdom?   
  
SYLVIA looks around. The cast is preparing for the coronation.    
  
SYLVIA   
You just have to.

  
ZEBRA   
I  _ can’t _ do it.

SYLVIA pulls a chair aside.

  
SYLVIA   
What's the matter?   
  
ZEBRA   
I’m too scared.

SYLVIA gestures towards the people.

SYLVIA   
Of the people?   
  


THE ZEBRA nods indicating she is correct in her answer. 

SYLVIA   
Relax. Have a drink. 

  
ZEBRA   
I don’t drink…

SYLVIA   
Just a bit.

  
ZEBRA   
I’m the granddaughter of an attorney. No wonder I don’t drink. 

A beat. She gags slightly.

ZEBRA   
That sounds like something my grandmother would say…

We cut to the raccoon shampooing the ZEBRA’s hair.

RACOON   
What the fuck am I doing with my life?   
  
ZEBRA   
What do you mean?   
  
THE RACOON snips a chunk of the ZEBRAs hair.

  
RACOON   
I just checked into this place in Chicago. The moment the lady starts to talk about ways we could adapt to life better… I just knew. 

  
ZEBRA   
Wait, you work in CHICAGO?   
  
RACOON   
It’s terrible!

  
The raccoon continues to cut the ZEBRAs hair. THE ZEBRA shoots up.

  
ZEBRA   
I didn’t know you worked in Chicago!   
  
RACOON puts her head down in the shampoo bowl. 

RACOON   
I’ve been working in Chicago for quite a while. I want to be a comedian on a variety show…

ZEBRA   
That’s awesome! I didn’t know you went to Chicago every week!   
  
The RACOON Continues to shampoo her hair. 

RACOON   
-mildly bitterly-

You don’t want to-

  
SYLVIA   
Look at it this way. You could be a basement dweller. 

RACOON   
A what now?

  
SYLVIA   
A basement dweller. You could be a basement dweller living with your mother.

  
The ZEBRA shoots up from the bowl. 

  
RACOON   
Hey!   
  
ZEBRA   
Do you want to be an entertainer? 

RACOON   
I do want to be an entertainer. 

PENGUIN   
The toilet clogged up. 

The CAMEL is unamused by this.    
  
CAMEL   
How is the toilet clogged up?   
  
PENGUIN gestures to the toilet overflowing with water. Someone else clogged the toilet with the toilet paper.    
  
PENGUIN   
It touched my butt. 

CAMEL   
Ew!   
  
THE PENGUIN shudders at this. His butt is cold from the overflowing toilet water.

PENGUIN   
I should wash…

THE ZEBRA is in the middle of the room.    
  
ZEBRA   
How am I doing?   
  
SYLVIA   
You look great.

  
ZEBRA

It's a small nation. 

  
SYLVIA puts her hand on the ZEBRA. THE ZEBRA is very well dressed in a pink dress. She has no crown. 

  
SLYVIA    
You should be fine. 

  
ZEBRA   
Am I?   
  
SYLVIA stares into her reflection. THE ZEBRA looks back at her nervously. 

THE ZEBRA walks down the aisle. Everyone is surrounding her on both sides of the throne. It is a marvelous occasion. Think of Queen Elizabeth's coronation. 

A PRIEST stands by the throne. THE ZEBRA swallows. She walks over to the chair. She sits down. 

  
THE PRIEST    
As god as my witness are you going to stand for your nation?

  
ZEBRA   
I will.

  
THE PRIEST   
Will you hold up our countries values?   
  
ZEBRA   
I will.

THE PRIEST   
THEN STAND QUEEN ZEBRA. 

  
THE ZEBRA stands. The crown is placed on her head. THE ZEBRA observes the crowd cheering wildly. 

  
As if in response. MARIA collapses. The cheering is halted.

  
THE ZEBRA   
MARIA!   
  
She rushes over to MARIA. MARIA is in clear pain.    
  
MARIA

-grunting-   
Careful young padawan... 

ZEBRA   
-trying not to burst into tears-

MARIA please hold on… there's so much you have to teach me…

  
MARIA   
... It’s getting cold…

  
ZEBRA   
MARIA listen to me. You’ve got to stay awake…

MARIA   
… You’ve got to keep fighting…

  
ZEBRA   
-tears rushing to her face-

I’m not ready…

  
MARIA   
That's life, isn't it? One violent dance, and boom. Silence. Nothing but black. No god. No reward. Just silence. 

ZEBRA   
-Sobbing-

MARIA, please!

  
MARIA   
Hey… 

Her voice trails off. She slumps in the arms of the RACOON. THE RACOON screams in response to this. 

  
Cut to black. 


	37. Chapter 37

The Dark Emperor went super saiyan.

FOX   
Obligatory reference to anime.

CAT

Its not even super saiyan… it’s more of something having to do with their power level.

FOX   
Are you drunk?   
  
CAT   
I am incredibly smashed right now.

FOX   
Great.

CAT collapses onto the floor. JOHN arrives. He is incredibly smug. 

FOX 

What are you smirking about?

  
JOHN   
Take a guess. 

FOX   
Your not supposed to be here.

  
JOHN   
What? And miss the coronation. Bullshit.

FOX

What are you doing here?   
  
  
JOHN   
I’m the night goddess.

  
FOX   
Oh?   
  
JOHN   
I just wanted to see whats going on?   
  
FOX   
We just finished the crowning. 

  
JOHN   
Crowning?

FOX   
You missed the ceremony.

  
JOHN   
Ah. Ceremonies are really silly. 

  
  


FOX   
What do you think your doing?   
  
JOHN   
I need to check the ZEBRA out.

  
FOX   
This is your adversary?   
  
JOHN   
Enemy? Ah.

JOHN pauses for a bit. He is taking in the scenery.

JOHN   
This world will burn to ashes.

  
FOX   
What?   
  


JOHN   
This world is fragile. I can’t wait for the dog days that lie ahead.

  
FOX   
Dog days.

JOHN nods. He takes a drink whilst surveying the scenery.

  
FOX   
-muttering to himself-

JOHN   
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

FOX   
Intentions?

  
JOHN nods. He turns to face the FOX. He walks off.

  
  
  


The night goddess stumbles a bit. The transformation isn’t going to be an easy one.

ZEBRA

-noticing JOHN-

Hey JOHN!   
  
JOHN   
Hey kiddo!   
  
ZEBRA   
Is something wrong?

JOHN   
-weakly-

Nothings wrong.

ZEBRA   
Nothings wrong?   
  
JOHN   
We live in desperate times. The upper class live in their clouds.

ZEBRA   
What do you mean by that?   
  
JOHN   
We are scavangers.

  
ZEBRA   
-frowning-

John why can’t you be happy for me?   
  
JOHN   
I am happy for you.

ZEBRA   
It just seems like you’re not. 

John gives her a quick kiss. The ZEBRA freezes.

  
JOHN   
I-

He freezes. He visibly recoils.

ZEBRA   
JOHN?   
  
JOHN   
Do me a favor.

The ZEBRA leans in.

  
JOHN   
I need you to put me out of my misery.

  
ZEBRA   
What?   
  
JOHN   
Just do it.


	38. Chapter 38

ISAAC

“So what do you want to be?” 

A beat.

  
HOMOSEXUAL   
Darling, are you propositioning me?

ISAAC

Of course not. You’re too young. 

Homosexual 

We’re professionals after all…

ISAAC

Wouldn’t that be stupid if we were quarreling lovers?

The two begin to laugh. The laughing is interrupted by Isaacs's vomiting. ISAAC calls for JOHN (the night goddess).

We cut to our protagonists.

CHAMELEON

Now three people in the world can fucking drink. 

CHAMELOEN looks around.

CHAMELEON   
I for one am less likely to get wasted. 

SKUNK

How?

  
CHAMELEON

I can take in as much alcohol as I want. 

The SKUNK grows quiet. She lies her head on the table. The chameleon moves away from the SKUNK.

SKUNK 

What have I done?

SAM moves closer to the SKUNK. 

SAM   
Is something wrong?   
  
THE SKUNK snaps... 

SKUNK

No!   
  


She turns around to glare at the penguin. 

  
SKUNK

You ruined my life!

Blame. Pure utter blame. The PENGUIN shrinks as she snaps at him. Having a mood swing. Feelings of regret poor out of her.

PENGUIN

Yeesh.

THE SKUNK stops as she realizes what she is doing. 

SKUNK

-Addressing the zebra-

And you never happy for me! Whore!

ZEBRA

Hey, what did I do!   
  


SKUNK   
NO one is never happy for me!

ZEBRA   
That's not true...

  
SKUNK   
-shifting to self-pity-

What do you want from me? Am I swimming in maggots? Am I doomed to live in the offices of Detroit, a failure, a slave to the machine? 

ZEBRA   
SKUNK…

The SKUNK snaps at the chameleon…

SKUNK   
I looked up to you!   
  
CHAMELEON   
That's not my problem!

SKUNK   
-as if realizing what she is doing, her voice is faltering-

I can’t help myself…

She looks at the crowd. 

  
SKUNK   
I can’t help the fact I have a disorder.

She looks around the crowd once more…

SKUNK   
Goddammit. I’m going to be tired tomorrow...

Isaac 

“Do you want to be a giant carp? A cow? A horse?” 

HOMOSEXUAL

What did you say?

  
ISAAC 

-repeating self-

Do you want to be a giant carp?

HOMOSEXUAL   
Are you having a stroke?

ISAAC   
I am going to turn you into a carp. 

HOMOSEXUAL

Are you having a psychotic episode? I am not going to be turned into a carp. 

ISAAC   
I might be having a psychotic episode. 

Isaac

“I don’t know an elephant?” 

  
  


The homosexual quietly stared back at ISAAC. He started to snicker to himself.

We cut to the penguin trying to narrate. 

The PENGUIN

Snickering to his bandmate was dangerous enough, but the suggestion of turning into a combination of a chicken and a fire breathing rhino was a hysterical idea.

THE HOMOSEXUAL

No, I’m laughing because ISAAC is having an apparent psychotic episode.    
  


  
  


Isaac turns away from the homosexual. 

ISAAC narrating.

/As the final battle draws near

May all hope disappear 

My -my allies come closer

They will destroy, or create

A better future

Chaos will break loose/

HOMOSEXUAL

Are you doing ok?

A beat. 

HOMOSEXUAL   
That's a weird thing to say...

ISAAC closes her eyes. She has to let DAEMEN loose. 

PENGUIN   
How long has it been since ISAAC has slept?

THE HOMOSEXUAL

A while. 

PENGUIN   
How long?   
  


THE HOMOSEXUAL   
About six hours.

PENGUIN   
Has she been doing anything at all?

THE HOMOSEXUAL   
Muttering to herself all hours of the night.

PENGUIN sighs at this.   
  
  
ISAAC is having a psychotic breakdown. 

ISAAC

-Muttering to herself-

She had to let her out because Isaac had acted like a nuisance. She had become no more than a faint whisper. Isaac could not be held down anymore. 

We hear a sharp ringing in the distance. 

ISAAC   
Do you taste that? 

THE RINGING GROWS VERY SHARP. 

ISAAC   
YOU CAN TASTE THAT RIGHT? BLOOD?

THE RINGING IS VERY SHARP NOW. 

ISAAC

Damien slowly let herself become faint. She would move south. Isaac is now free to use her body as much as she pleased. 

Isaac reacts to sharp pain. She opens her eyes to find herself staring through an ocular shaped window in an abandoned farmhouse. 

ISAAC

-aggressively muttering to herself-

The pain came back, except it was in her stomach. It was like a ping that echoed violently. No, scratch that, it felt like Koi fish swimming around in a bowl. 

The homosexual 

JOHN?   
  
He calls out for JOHN. JOHN is aggressively knitting similarly to SYLVIA...

ISAAC continues to have her psychotic break...

ISAAC 

-muttering- 

Koi fish that had sharp bones sticking out of their fins. Why did her stomach feel like it would explode any minute? To answer her anxiety, she ran into the bathroom. 

She is narrating her actions

ISAAC   
  


No, no! I CAN'T BE PREGNANT! She frantically thinks to herself.

She continues to look through the clothes somewhat frantically. 

Her brown pupils become enlarge black orbs, as her fingers ran through the cabinet’s contents. 

ISAAC   
-wheezing-

“Maybe if it’s a stomach bug, she thinks to herself.

She pulls out the pregnancy test. Even though it is well established she is pregnant, she decides to give the test another go. 

ISAAC   
-somewhat mockingly-

“I can’t be pregnant!”

She finds the test. Without thinking, she jabs it into the unmentionable area. 

ISAAC

-aggressively muttering-

Before she could inject herself, she took a look into the mirror…

Isaac looks into the mirror. She sees an unprepared woman with a huge baby bump. 

ISAAC 

-muttering-

In a normal situation, anyone who is pregnant usually has a big baby bump but Isaac’s bump was the size of the watermelon. The bump could be considered ‘normal’, if it wasn’t a pasty white with zig-zags crisscrossing horizontally. For Isaac, it came to a point where she could not wear buttoned shirts…

Cut to black.


	39. Chapter 39

**Blind girl**

**-muttering to self-**

**Repeat after me. You are a strong confident woman. YOu do not need a man to survive.**

**SYLVIA** **  
** **Honey. We have only so much time left.**

**BLIND GIRL** **  
** **You do not need to put up with any ones bullshit. You can survive six hours of sleep. You’ve got this.**

**SYLVIA** **  
** **Are you doing alright?** **  
** **  
** **BLIND GIRL** **  
** **I am not responsible for anyone's bullshit.**

**  
** **SYLVIA** **  
** **Hey!** **  
** **  
** **THE BLIND GIRL looks up.**

**  
** **SYLVIA** **  
** **Are you doing alright?** **  
** **  
** **BLIND GIRL** **  
** **I’m just surviving on allergy medication and Ritalin.**

**SLYVIA laughs at this. THE BLIND GIRL is exhausted.**

**  
** **SYLVIA** **  
** **Are you nervous?** **  
** **  
** **THE BLIND GIRL nods.**

**  
** **SYLVIA** **  
** **Typical.**

**RACOON** **  
** **Do you have any idea how it feels to go to rehab?** **  
** **  
** **SYLVIA turns around. The trio has been walking a considerable distance.**

**  
** **RACOON** **  
** **It takes more medication. I’m not going to take medication…**

**  
** **SYLVIA** **  
** **That's understandable.**

**  
** **THE RACOON peers to the left. A sign reading welcome to DECLAN 58 miles away greets the trio.**

**  
** **RACOON** **  
** **How long have we been walking?** **  
** **  
** **SYLVIA** **  
** **28 miles.**

**  
** **RACOON** **  
** **There's got to be a car around here…**

**  
** **SYLVIA** **  
** **We want a motel…**

**  
** **RACOON** **  
** **A motel?** **  
** **  
** **SYLVIA** **  
** **The motels are good.**

**  
** **The blind girl tugs at the RACOONs left shoulder.**

**  
** **BLIND GIRL** **  
** **Tell us about REHAB…**

**  
** **RACOON**

**-snarkily-**

**Rehabs fantastic. I’ve been in and out of Rehab longer then the amount of time ISAAC has been swimming in his balls.**

**  
** **BLIND GIRL** **  
** **-disappointedly-**

**Oh.**

**RACOON** **  
** **You go in. You get told we’re going to have some fun, then some overly chipper lady begins to talk over you. You briefly disengage when said overly-chipper lady talks about ways we can cope with changes in plans. You change your tone of voice to that of a robot. You don’t let up about your feelings. Shut up. Talk like a robot. If you talk like a robot then you get left alone.**

**  
** **BLIND GIRL** **  
** **Is it hard?**

**  
** **RACOON** **  
** **Of course, it’s hard.**

**They continue to walk.** **  
** **  
** **RACOON** **  
** **You take drugs. It doesn’t work. You take even more drugs. Still doesn’t work. You take caffeine.**

**A beat.**

**  
** **RACOON** **  
** **If you don’t tell them anything then the pain hurts a lot less.**

**  
** **The trio begins to walk alongside the cornfields. The cornfields are almost empty. A reminder of the nuclear holocaust. A brief reminder of the 21st century. The raccoon gives a glance at the apocalyptic background.**

**Cut to black.**


	40. Chapter 40

ISAAC wakes up in agony. We open to ringing. 

ISAAC 

-Muttering to self-

To wake up was the equivalent of feeling her bones shatter into tiny pieces.

As she tries to pull herself up, the additional weight from the pregnancy... 

...causes her to stay in bed for a while. 

Isaac tries to roll over but ends up falling on her knees on the cold hard floor. 

She looks over the lumpy mattress. As she raises from her fall, she notices that there was a rusty stain on the blankets and the bedspread. This is blood. 

Isaac huddles outside. She gripes the blankets close to her body to cover herself. During this break from reality, she addresses herself in the second person. 

  
ISAAC

In her former life, Isaac had nothing to worry about going shirtless. When she was turned into a girl, Isaac did worry about wearing a bra, because the situation didn’t require one. 

She looks around. Walking towards the mail. 

  
ISAAC   
-addressing self-

Due to the pregnancy, she had gotten odd looks from passerby. She never thought of dresses becoming necessary to living as a chick! Heels, panties, pencil skirts just were uncomfortable to wear. 

We cut to the attic. She opens the attic door. This is a different farmhouse. 

ISAAC

-muttering to self-

Maybe there were some clothes she could use during this pregnancy. 

The door makes an uneasy creak as she opens the door. Dust swims around a snakeskin mini skirt, fishnet tights, an ugly Fuschia sweater. Dark purple jeans lay next to the miniskirt. 

ISAAC

Since Isaac had no idea how pregnancy worked, she immediately thought that those articles of clothing would have to do. 

The miniskirt bursts when she tried it on. The jeans are size three, but that was no problem. 

She simply slides the miniskirt over the jeans, as a cover for the busted jeans. The Fuschia sweater provides a haven for lice, and the fibers caressing her skin provided an intense temptation to scratch her skin. 

*****

  
  


ZEBRA  
-shaking her head-

At least things can’t go downhill from here. 

  
THE HOMOSEXUAL address ISAAC.

HOMOSEXUAL

“I know you have cravings, but this is ridiculous!”

His bandmate scarves down the leftovers from the previous night. He cooks spaghetti without the meatballs. He glances at the pantry...

  
SYLVIA   
How old are you again?

HOMOSEXUAL  
Fifteen?

SYLVIA whistles at this. She glances around making sure no one is noticing her confusion. 

  
SYLVIA

Fifteen. 

ZEBRA turns to the camera. She refrains from bursting out from laughing.   
  
ZEBRA   
Why do I get pervy vibes from this?   
  
HOMOSEXUAL   
I’m confused right now. 

  
ZEBRA   
If ISAAC touches you in any inappropriate place… “remember the phrase I need an adult.”   
  
HOMOSEXUAL   
You're making it sound bad!   
  
SYLVIA   
Quiet! You worsening the implications. 

Tapes of labels scream out, “Not for you!” They are hastily scribbled on bags of greasy potato chips, glass containers of applesauce, chocolate cake, which is the only cure to his friend’s hormones. 

SYLVIA  
Oh my god. 

She bangs her head on her desk. Sounds of laughter squeak out of her. 

  
SYLVIA

-laughing-

Sweet Jesus. 

She looks up from her desk.   
  
SYLVIA

-laughing so hard tears are running down her cheeks-

This is so wrong on so many levels. 

ISAAC  
Of course, they weren’t married yet, he thought to himself. It’s not like he had much of a choice! 

The HOMOSEXUAL watches his friend scarf down his “breakfast”. 

HOMOSEXUAL  
I need an adult.

  
ISAAC   
I am an adult. 

  
HOMOSEXUAL swallows at this mildly threatening statement. 

ISAAC returns to her spaghetti breakfast. 

HOMOSEXUAL  
-proceeds to burst out laughing-

  
ISAAC   
Is something funny?   
  
We cut to the HOMOSEXUAL leaning on the farmhouse. 

SYLVIA  
That’s not your child?   
  
HOMOSEXUAL   
Of course not. That's JOHNs child.

SYLVIA  
-Through gritted teeth-

That fucker.

  
HOMOSEXUAL   
It was consensual.

SYLVIA  
Was it though? 

HOMOSEXUAL  
It was an orgy.

Isaac gazes at her lover.

  
SYLVIA

-continues to snicker-

God.

  
ISAAC

-muttering-

Despite the noodles stuffed between her cheeks, she felt that he was looking quite good today. His midnight hair that caressed his face caused his eyes to stand out like Hershey's kisses. The black fine hairs on his chest were wet since he returned from taking a shower. 

  
HOMOSEXUAL   
Are you narrating about me?   
  
ISAAC slurps her noodles. 

  
ISAAC   
  


How's your shower? 

HOMOSEXUAL  
Fine. 

He cocks his eyebrow. 

HOMOSEXUAL

-Very nervous-  
Wonderful.

ISAAC is trying to proposition sex. The HOMOSEXUAL catches on to this and tries to ignore her. She gives him a knowing smile.

ISAAC

-seductively-

You could bath me if you catch my drift.

  
  
  
  


HOMOSEXUAL

What do you mean?  
  
ISAAC

I want you inside me.

  
HOMOSEXUAL   
I’m gay. If you inferring we should sleep together dahling, then I am as *hell* I am not interested in having sexual intercourse with someone who is my platonic friend and professional co-worker. I am not the father of the organic matter that was drunkenly conceived on a Saturday night. Talk to John about your ability to make erratic decisions. In other words, _Thanks for asking sweetheart._

Isaac’s lip quivers. Her mood switches from horniness to despair. She collapses into a heap.

ISAAC

Am I just someone to you? I’m sorry for even asking in the first place!

She stands up from the table. Isaac slams her fork down violently. Her face is flushed with her pearly white canine spewing saliva. Isaac pushes her unrecognizable curly hair back. The HOMOSEXUAL is not taken aback from her accusation. 

THE HOMOSEXUAL  
I DIDN’T IMPREGNATE YOU. JOHN DID.

Isaac stands toe-to-toe with THE HOMOSEXUAL. 

  
ISAAC   
-Reaching a breaking point-

Are you implying that it’s my responsibility to take care of the baby?” 

THE HOMOSEXUAL  
No. I’m saying you should talk to JOHN about what you do in bed. Why are you pulling me into this?

Isaac glares at him. 

  
  
ISAAC

“I AM NOT dragging you into this pregnancy!” 

She twitches violently. The homosexual scoffs at this. 

ISAAC

-muttering-

He no longer resembles the man he used to be. His eyes lacked the lustrous glaze that was caked with eyeliner. His makeup was completely washed off. His once vibrant black hair had grown dull and greasy. His skin was pale, as he had not seen the sun in a while. 

  
  


The HOMOSEXUAL puts his hands on his hips.

  
  
  


ISAAC

-aggressively muttering-

In a sense, the homosexual felt trapped with Isaac’s pregnancy. He didn’t want to work with her. Heck, he didn’t want to be in a relationship with her. He was living with a family before this whole pregnancy thing even occurred. For one night he let her sleep with him, just for fun. 

The homosexual shakes his head. 

ISAAC  
-muttering-

Not for procreation! He didn’t even intend to procreate with her! Freddie just had to settle the score with Isaac! He had to break that promise, but this situation was important because he had to deal with the overwhelming guilt.

  
  
  
  
  


ISAAC 

-cont-

He felt guilty about being found. He felt if he wasn’t found, then the world would be destroyed. In a way, it would be worse if he wasn’t found, the group would be in even more danger. Isaac had the handmaidens at beck and call. They could teleport anywhere. The handmaids could shift shape into anyone they pleased. 

The homosexual walks out of the house. The trio exchange a cigarette. All three are confused.

  
SYLVIA   
What was that?   
  
HOMOSEXUAL   
ISAAC is angry at me?

  
JOHN 

What did you do? 

HOMOSEXUAL  
Nothing?   
  
JOHN   
I wouldn’t call that anything.

SYLVIA  
John?   
  
John continues to smoke. He leans into the building. 

  
SYLVIA

You're a goddess. Why can’t you just leave this woman?

JOHN puffs on his cigarette.

  
JOHN   
I can’t.

SYLVIA  
Why not?

  
JOHN   
It is complicated. 

  
SYLVIA   
She’s completely batshit crazy!

  
JOHN   
Of course shes batshit crazy!

A beat.

  
SYLVIA continues to smoke outside of the house. 

  
SYLVIA   
Then get an abortion!   
  
JOHN   
What?   
  
SYLVIA   
Abortion!

SYLVIA shakes her head.

  
SYLVIA   
Hanger!

  
JOHN coughs on his cigarette.

JOHN  
Are you crazy?   
  
SYLVIA   
Yes!   
  


A beat. She snaps her fingers.

  
SYLVIA   
We’ll time travel!   
  
JOHN   
We can’t time travel!

HOMOSEXUAL  
-Cutting in- 

Right! Sounds reasonable! Time travel!

JOHN  
I’m a god! I could just destroy her!   
  
SYLVIA   
You can’t just destroy her. 

  
HOMOSEXUAL   
What good would time travel do anyway? You’ll just destroy the current timeline!

  
SYLVIA   
Now that you mention that...

SYLVIA thinks for a second.

  
SYLVIA

That sounds like a wonderful idea!  
  
HOMOSEXUAL   
No, it doesn't!

JOHN  
It sounds reactionary SYLVIA!   
  
SYLVIA tosses the cigarette into the trash can. 

JOHN  
SYLVIA this sounds great on paper…

  
SYLVIA   
I know!   
  
JOHN   
Just let me finish…

SYLVIA  
It sounds like a great idea.

JOHN  
-groaning-

SYLVIA…

  
SYLVIA paces back and forth. 

  
SYLVIA   
I’ll time to travel to Italy in 1944!   
  
JOHN   
No, you won’t!

SYLVIA  
I’ll have sexual intercourse with a soldier!   
  
JOHN

Please don’t. 

  
FOX shows up. He is puffing a cigar. 

  
FOX

-horrified-  
Italy 1944?

  
He runs off.


	41. Chapter 41

The skunk is sad. 

CAMEL

What's wrong?

  
  


SKUNK

I can’t seem to function today. It’s as if I’m too disabled to function. 

CAMEL   
Don’t say that!

SKUNK   
Why not?   
  


CAMEL   
Everyone else is crazy. You're fine. 

We cut to the ZEBRA.

ZEBRA

We need to create a time army. 

Roger

What's that?

ZEBRA   
We need to go back in time.

ROGER   
That's crazy. We can’t time travel.

  
ZEBRA   
And recruit people from the past. 

ROGER   
That’s insane!

  
ZEBRA

It makes sense…

Several days after the invasion of Normandy, France. 1944.

We cut to a beach. We cut to the soldiers quietly sitting in a boat. 

ZEBRA

Wait. this sounds like a bad idea. 

FOX   
Why is it a bad idea?   
  
ZEBRA   
I don’t know. Call it a gut feeling.

FOX   
Oh no… chickening out, are we?

ZEBRA   
Maybe?   
  
THE FOX seductively walks over to the soldiers. Wearing a bikini. She approaches a soldier. The soldier aims his gun at the FOX. 

FOX   
Hey, hot stuff want to invade my beach?

SOLDIER A   
This is a restricted area. Where did you come from?   
  


FOX   
I’m just a lowly prostitute from the local village. I need some comfort. 

SOLDIER

Are you a spy?   
  


FOX   
Nein.

SOLDIER

Come over here…

  
FOX   
I’m so cold…

Cut to black. 


	42. Chapter 42

we cut to a COUPLE snuggling together.

  
LOVER   
How old are you?   
  
SYLVIA   
21.

LOVER   
25.

  
This is sean.

SEAN   
Your not a minor?   
  
LOVER   
No.    
  
Thinking to self here. 

We cut to an Illinoisan critic. 

  
RACOON   
That's nothing.

  
RACOON thinks for a moment. 

  
RACOON   
Oh MY GOD. BAD TOUCH!   
  
Dramatic sting. Alarms are sounding. He checks his calculator. 

RACOON   
If this character was born in 1943 and was kidnapped in 1963, it would make her 20. Wait a minute, she wasn’t 21, she was NINETEEN! DUN-DUN DUUUN. 

He grabs his phone to call the police. 

RACOON

“Quit arresting that guy! We have an inappropriate age difference!”

911 operator

Sir. I hardly doubt this is an emergency. The age of the minority in Illinois is  _ 18 _ . 

RACOON   
-very shrill-

18?   
  
911 operator

-sighing to self-

Sir. where is the location?   
  
RACOON   
-thinking-

420 street?   
  
911 operator

I’m going to have to arrest you for wasting my time…

We cut to several cop cars outside of his house. We cut to different characters discussing matters. 

PENGUIN

The RACOON did not read fanfiction, he lacks the in-depth lust for reading the couple staring into each other's eyes. 

CAT   
How is that important? Sounds completely random. 

PENGUIN   
Seems pretty important to me. 

CAT   
Come on SAM you need medication. 

SAM   
No, I don’t. 

CAT   
Yes, you do. 

We cut to ISAAC. Heavily pregnant. We cut to the door which bangs loudly. 

  
SAM   
Do you need help?   
  
ISAAC   
No. 

  
She waves him away. SAM walks out of the house.    
  
ZEBRA   
Well?   
  
SAM shakes his head. THE ZEBRA watches from outside of the window. The banging of the door grows louder, echoing. The ZEBRA peers at the window. We cut to JOHN covered in blood. 

  
JOHN   
ISAAC!   
  
ISAAC   
What?

  
JOHN   
I need more blood. My beauty is wasting away. 

  
ISAAC   
You’ve got to be kidding me. 

  
JOHN   
Isn’t this one of the consequences of being a night goddess? My skin looks terrible. 

ISAAC examines JOHNs skin.    
  
ISAAC   
You don’t look a day over 20. 

  
JOHN   
Look at me ISAAC! My skin is withering away!

  
  


We cut to a cop car in front of the farmhouse. ISAAC freezes. John is soaked in blood. The street suddenly fills with the sound of another cop car. It sounds inhuman, as the cop car pulls up to the driveway. 

JOHN  
Christ. What does he want now?  
  
ISAAC  
They’re getting suspicious. 

JOHN  
Of us?  
  


ISAAC   


You tell me. You're the father of my child. 

JOHN

I didn’t do anything.

ISAAC grunts. She is having cramps. She is very aggravated at JOHNs uncooperative. 

ISAAC   
Don’t make a peep.    
  


She rubs her temples.    
  


Unbeknownst to her, the HOMOSEXUAL has made his escape. We cut to him digging his feet into the soft mud. 

HOMOSEXUAL

-attempting to attract the officer's attention-

ISAAC rushes to the bathroom. We cut to her vomiting. She needs to vomit.    
  
PENGUIN   
  
She wants to remember what it was like before the pregnancy, before the possession, even occurred. 

PENGUIN

Isaac?   
  
ISAAC continues to vomit. 

  
ISAAC   
-Calling from inside the bathroom-

Sam…

  
PENGUIN   
Are you doing alright?   
  
ISAAC   
I’m in pain…

She continues to vomit. Outside of the door Roger waits covered in blankets.    
  
ROGER   
Fuck my life. Now I’ve got myself a secondary hole.    
  
She sniffs. PEGGY attempts to comfort her.    
  


PEGGY

-winces-

Hey now…

  
ROGER

Jesus H. what am I going to do now?   
  
PEGGY   
You could always bind your chest.

ROGER   
Isn’t that unsafe?   
  
PEGGY   
I don’t think so. 

  
ROGER

-sniffs-

  
  


A HANDMAIDEN overhears their conversation.    
  
HANDMAIDEN   
-quietly-

Binders are dangerous…

  
This is an extension of PEGGY in which she hates. The quiet introverted type. Her goosebumps are raised. 

  
PEGGY

-aggressively-

What?

ROGER   
Peggy maybe this isn’t the time and place…

  
PEGGY   
No. you again?   
  
Her nostrils are flared up. She wrings her neck. Her neck cricks as she twists her neck. This is an aggressive stance.

cut to black. 


	43. Chapter 43

The rapid knocking completed with the furious shouts for her to come out disappear…

DOG

What's going on?

  
FOX  
An apparent flashback. I think.

DOG  
Whats a flashback?  


FOX  
  
A method used by filmmakers to use up precious time. 

DOG  
So cheating?

FOX  
Yes, cheating.

SYLVIA is pacing around back and forth. 

DOG  
Can we use a flashback?

FOX  
-looking at the camera-

We can’t afford it. 

The DOG gestures to the camera.    
  


DOG  
WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE CAN’T AFFORD A FLASHBACK?  
  


FOX  
WE JUST CAN’T.   


DOG  
This is ridiculous. 

SYLVIA  
What was life like before the pandemic?  
  
SKUNK  
I struggled with depressive episodes. 

SYLVIA  
Are you bipolar?

SKUNK  
No. I just become irritable.

SYLVIA

What was that like?

SKUNK  
I just feel tired all the time. 

SYLVIA  
Is this too personal?  


CAMEL   
I just remember the silence. 

  
SYLVIA   
The silence?

  
CAMEL   
There was this feeling of complete silence.

  
SYLVIA   
Could you elaborate?   
  
CAMEL   
Like the world just stopped working. 

  
SYLVIA

Stopped working?

  
CAMEL nods. 

CAMEL   
Like it just froze in place.

DOG   
It feels like I’m being muffled.

  
SYLVIA   
Muffled?   
  
DOG   
Like I’m wearing this bandana over my mouth.    
  
SYLVIA   
Is it hard to wear a mask?   
  
DOG   
Not really.

  
SYLVIA   
What do you think about the protesters?   
  


DOG   
I think its kind of silly. We’re not in kindergarten people. 

  
  


SAM   
It’s insane. 

SYLVIA   
What's insane?   
  
SAM   
I’m autistic in the pandemic. 

  
SYLVIA   
And that makes that insane because?

  
SAM

Why am I considered disabled?

SYLVIA

You are. 

  
SAM   
THE THING IS I’M NOT CRAZY. EVERYONE ELSE IS CRAZY. 

  
  


PEGGY   
I have crippling anxiety. Not the pretty type either. I’m just so introverted.

A beat.

  
PEGGY   
I wish I was an extrovert.    
  


Another beat.

  
PEGGY   
I just don’t like people. 

Another beat.

  
PEGGY   
I just wish people would stop putting essential oils on me. Essential oils won’t cure my anxiety, Karen. 

  
Another beat.

  
SYLVIA questions PEGGY.

PEGGY   
Essential oils?   
  
SYLVIA   
What are the essential oils?   
  
PEGGY   
Its when people spray oils that make you feel better. 

SYLVIA   
Does it help?   
  
PEGGY   
It doesn’t. 

  
Another beat. 

  
PEGGY   
All I know is that my aunt tried to spray it on me when I was a young teenager. 

  
SYLVIA   
But the smell?   
  
PEGGY   
It smells wonderful. 

SYLVIA   
How do you feel about your depression?   
  
PEGGY   
Nothing seems to work. 

A beat.

  
PEGGY   
I just want someone to tell me that there's going to be an end of the tunnel. 


	44. Chapter 44

They have escaped a zombie attack. It was minutes after driving through a giant cornfield. Inside of the car, One of the characters slouches down. He crosses his arms.

PEGGY

Crosses his arms was my favorite phrase back in the day. 

A beat.

PEGGY   
Think about it. The phrase crossing his arms has a bit of a ring to it. 

Another beat.

Peggy

If anything it’s more likely then not that I struggled with developing descriptive sentences. 

  
  


The character cannot believe he was so close to revisiting puberty. 

PEGGY  
By reaching puberty, I am of course referring to the space-time phenomenon for some reason turns people into fetuses. 

Survivor

Oh my gosh. Oh gosh. 

PEGGY

What?  
  
Survivor

-sobbing-

I could have turned into a fetus. 

  
PEGGY  
-slowly -

A fetus. I don’t want to be infected. Being infected meant sacrificing his memories. Memory was like a strip of film that faded if I was infected.

He tries not to think about the carefree past that ended five minutes ago.

PEGGY   
That's an unrealistic amount of time for a pandemic to start. 

Another beat. 

PEGGY   
Then again the world was shut down by the unspeakable virus... 

Another beat.

  
PEGGY   
In an event of a pandemic, it should take at least two weeks for a country such as the US to even react. Judging by the slow amount of time it took for the united states of America (i.e two to four weeks) to take action during such a pandemic, chances are that the flu has taken countless amounts of lives. My life is already fucked over. 

A small child sleeps in the driver's seat of the RV. He wrinkles his nose. It smells like cheese rotting in the country of France. The setting sun makes an uneasy glaze in his hair. 

SKUNK

What will happen come dusk? Is it safe to flick on the lights? Are they going to make camp or was it too dangerous?

Mini skunk

It is unsafe to move.

  
SKUNK   
I have no idea what you’re talking about...

  
Mini skunk

We’re in the middle of a pandemic.

  
  


Sin number one. The song on the radio is copyrighted. 

Roger laughs as the song. 

ROGER   
That guy is a complete and utter prick. 

CAMEL   
How do you know that? 

ROGER   
That guy is a vegetarian prick. 

He continues to laugh very hard. The camel shuts off the radio. 

CAMEL

What’s your problem?

  
ROGER   
-laughing-

I believe in the…

  
  


The camel cuts him off. ISAAC RETURNS TO THE TOILET. SHE VOMITS CHUNKS INTO THE TOILET. 

All of a sudden she slumps over the crimson streaked toilet, exhausted with the threat of her stomach exploding. Her pasty white fingers grip the toilet. Isaac rubs her stomach. 

PENGUIN

The babies made an uneasy dip.

PEGGY  
Uneasy dip.

  
She paces around very agitated. 

PEGGY  
Uneasy dip?

She paces around the room.

  
PEGGY   
Her water broke SAM. Just say her water broke. 

PENGUIN

After weeks of kicking her stomach, the twin babies were ready to come out. 

  
PEGGY   
Just say her water broke SAM.

Isaac tries to lay down. 

“HELP!” she shrieked. “MY WATER JUST BROKE!” 

  
SAM freezes at this.    
  
PEGGY

Don’t just stand there! Call for help!

SAM

Uh...

  
He sticks his head out of the window. 

  
SAM   
There’s a lady outside!

PEGGY   
No! Run outside!   
  
SAM   
Now you tell me!

  
PEGGY   
Run outside!   
  
SAM   
Stop yelling at me!

  
PEGGY   
I’m not yelling at you!   
  
SAM   
Stop infantilizing me!

  
He runs out of the bathroom. 

  
PEGGY   
Are you all alright?

ISAAC   
-screaming-

Is there a doctor in the house?

PEGGY   
I’m going to take that as a no...

To her horror, the window she tried using as a microphone is closed. Her cramps increase in intensity.

  
ISAAC

Jesus Christ, what have I done?   


  
  
  


PEGGY   
You tell me.

ISAAC   
Have you grown bored with me?

PEGGY   
It used to be fun…

ISAAC   
I used to get angry. You used to laugh when I got angry. 

PEGGY   
I was in another world with you.

ISAAC   
Another world is right.

  
PEGGY   
I’m so disconnected.

ISAAC   
How are you disconnected?   
  
PEGGY   
You started discussing a higher power. 

ISAAC   
Did I do that?

  
PEGGY   
It’s not as fun anymore. 

  
ISAAC   
Peggy, I got better. 

PEGGY   
I’m not. I’m on an emotional high. 

ISAAC   
You seem like you're getting better. 

  
  


A doctor runs up the stairs. 

DOCTOR   
-wheres the patient?-

PEGGY points to ISAAC. The doctor rushes over to ISAAC. It is SAM in a lab coat. 

DOCTOR   
I am a doctor!   
  
ISAAC   
Are you sure about that?

PEGGY

Sam what are you doing?   
  
DOCTOR

Now just lie on the floor...

  
PEGGY   
Sam.. you have no qualifications to be a doctor…

Isaacs contractions start. As a result of this blood is leaking out of the floor. THE DOCTOR ATTEMPTS TO NOT GAG. 

ISAAC   
I NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL YOU INGRATE. 

  
DOCTOR   
NOW IF YOU WEREN’T BEING SO MEAN IN THE FIRST PLACE…

PEGGY   
SAM!

  
DOCTOR   
NOW TRY TO BREATHE EVENLY. 

ISAAC ATTEMPTS TO SUCK IN AIR. 

  
DOCTOR   
IS THIS YOUR FIRST TIME?   
  
ISAAC   
IT IS! WHAT’S GOING ON WITH ME?

DOCTOR

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW THE FEMALE OVARIES WORK?

  
ISAAC   
PLEASE TELL ME WHATS GOING ON?   
  
DOCTOR   
YOU’RE NOT SOME TIME TRAVELING SHIFTSHAPER?    
  
ISAAC

NO!

  
DOCTOR   
YOU ARE FEMALE RIGHT?

ISAAC LIES ON THE BLOODY PUDDLE. 

DOCTOR   
WHERE IS THE HUSBAND?

  
  
  


PEGGY

HANG ON A SECOND. 

SHE WALKS UP TO SAM.    
  
PEGGY   
SAM… DO YOU KNOW WHERE MY MEDICATION IS?   
  
SAM   
-THINKING-

I THINK SO. 

PEGGY   
I need you to take my medication.

  
SAM   
PEGGY I’m in the middle of something. Go get it yourself. 

  
PEGGY walks out. 

INSIDE THE CABINET IS A BOTTLE OF ADD MEDICATION. 

PEGGY GLANCES AT IT. SHE ANALYZES IT. FOR HER THE MEDICATION ZOMBIES HER.   
  
CHAMELEON   
THAT STUFF IS A TRANQUILIZER.

  
PEGGY

WHAT IS?   
  
CHAMELEON   
THAT STUFF ROTS YOUR BRAIN. 

  
PEGGY   
-THINKING TO SELF-

I NEED IT. 

  
SHE TURNS AROUND TO FACE THE HANDMAIDENS. THERE IS FOOD IN THE PANTRY.    
  
HANDMAIDEN   
YOU DON’T NEED THAT STUFF DO YOU?   
  
HANDMAIDEN 2

IT’S NOT GOOD FOR YOU.

  
HANDMAIDEN 3 

IT’LL HURT YOU.

  
THESE HANDMAIDENS ARE HER FRIENDS. IS SHE COMPLETELY FREE?   
  
PEGGY   
NOT GOING TO TAKE THE MEDICATION. 

  
HANDMAIDEN 1

GOOD. 

  
SHE TURNS AROUND. PEGGY SMASHES SOME OF THE PILLS INTO DUST WITH HER HOOF. VERY QUIETLY, SHE MOVES PAST THE HANDMAIDENS.   
  
PEGGY   
ARE YOU THIRSTY?   
  
HANDMAIDEN 1

PARCHED.

  
PEGGY OFFERS HER A GLASS OF WATER. THE HANDMAIDEN TAKES A SIP FROM IT. THE HANDMAIDEN BECOMES VERY DROWSY. 

HANDMAIDEN 2 BECOMES VERY FIDGETY. SCRATCHY.

  
THE THIRD ONE BECOMES DRUGGED. 

  
PEGGY   
THERE WE GO.

  
ALL THREE OF THE HANDMAIDENS ACT VERY STRONGLY. ALL OF THE CHARACTERS ARE VERY ANTI-MEDICATION.    
  
HANDMAIDEN   
I HAVE SO MUCH ENERGY!

  
THIS IS A REPRESENTATION OF PEGGY BEING MEDICATED. THIS IS A DREAM-LIKE STATE. ALL THREE HANDMAIDENS ARE VERY TWITCHY, SLUGGISH. 

  
PEGGY LEAVES. 


	45. Chapter 45

SAM

You are a female right?

Isaac nods. The doctor sighs at this. 

DOCTOR   
Wheres the father?   
  
ISAAC   
Outside?

  
DOCTOR   
Outside.

  
He puts his head out of the window. At least he would be safe for now. 

ISAAC turns to the window. 

ISAAC

“I think he’s getting arrested.” 

  
DOCTOR   
Why is he getting arrested?

HOMOSEXUAL runs outside.

  
HOMOSEXUAL   
You have the wrong person! I’m not the pervert.

COP   
Sure we believe you.

  
The cop thinks homosexuality is a pervert. 

  
SAM   
I don’t think that's how getting arrested works…

  
COP   
Come out of the chicken coop!   
  


HOMOSEXUAL   
“I’m telling you! I am not a pervert!”

The cop pulled his shades down and rubbed his temples. 

  
VO   
Where's the wife?   
  
ISAAC raises her sweaty head.

  
SAM    
Hang on a second. Isn’t one of the required classes for being a doctor… and I am stretching this out a bit… Isn’t one of the requirements of being a doctor learning about … oh what's the word I’m looking for… the study of the fetus?

  
ISAAC shakes her head. 

  
ISAAC   
Can you please tell me whats going on?   
  


  
SAM

-scoffing-

What's going on is that your giving birth! You should know this already! “How old were you when you had your first period?” 

ISAAC   
I was 28.

SAM   
Whoa. 28?   
  
ISAAC   
-changing her story somewhat-

I was 13.

SAM   
There we go. 

  
A beat.

  
SAM   
Hang on was your gender- nevermind that sounds like a stupid question to ask. 

ISAAC violently nods her head.

  
SAM   
That's not possible…

  
Peggy

Not according to some people it's not…

  
SAM   
How do you know that?   
  
PEGGY   
I can see an FTM *technically* giving birth…

SAM   
But not an MTF?

PEGGY   
  


-wincing-

Correct?

SAM   
-Sarcastically muttering- 

“Great. Just great! “When a female has a baby, then it usually takes nine months for the baby to come out. When the baby comes out, then the mommy has to go into labor which helps the baby escape the womb.” 

  
ISAAC   
I’m sorry I might have gotten deaf in one ear. Are you saying I have to give birth to the baby?

  
SAM   
What have I been telling you?

  
ISAAC   
I’m on acid. 

  
SAM   
No. You’re going to need to be on several pain killers. 

Isaac hollers at this. She starts to have labor contractions

  
ISAAC   
The baby is coming through!

  
SAM   
Chill out. 

  
ISAAC

-roaring-

Screw you! “ARGH! The baby’s coming through!”

To suppress the pain, she bites down on her lip, producing a bit of blood. 

  
ISAAC

“Ok, this isn’t helping.”

cut to black. 


	46. Chapter 46

Her back is worn as if she was sleeping on a bed composed of rocks. Isaac pulls herself up.

SAM

Easy now…

  
ISAAC   
It is coming…

  
She grunts. 

  
ISAAC   
-grunting-

She grunts even harder. 

ISAAC   
Help…

  
She is in pain. 

  
  


The action helped a little bit, as the baby could now slip through with more ease, but her contractions increase in intensity. 

DOG   
Do you ever wonder where you coming from Chameleon?   
  
CHAMELEON   
I came from a car.

  
DOG   
A car?   
  
CHAMELEON   
I was conceived in a car.

  
DOG   
Really?   
  
CHAMELEON   
I was funny-smelling too.

  
DOG   
-thinking for a bit-

Who were your parents?   
  
CHAMELEON   
Parents?

  
DOG   
You don’t think that funny smell was-

CHAMELEON   
It was like an old car from the 90s type of smell.

  
DOG   
Right. That weird smell. That wasn’t an old car, was it?   
  
CHAMELEON   
It was cigarette butts.

  
DOG

You don’t think that was_   
  
CHAMELEON   
What are you insinuating?   
  
DOG   
-wincing-

A very proper relationship between a boy and his mother?

  
CHAMELEON   
Oh, don’t be so ridiculous.

A beat.

  
CHAMELEON   
What's wrong with a proper relationship between a boy and his mother?

DOG   
Nothing is wrong with that type of relationship…

ISAAC continues to go into labor…   
  


The contractions grow in intensity. Louder and louder until… the pain is unbearable.....She reacts as such...

The DOG stands into the doorway. He doesn’t believe his eyes. He has a pregnant woman on his hands.

  
DOG

-to his partner-   
I need back up. 

The English officer 2-ways his radio. 

The woman turns around. Her pupils are dilated. She leans back on another male, presumably her husband. The officer creeps up to the panicking man. 

ENGLISH OFFICER   
Bloody goodness mate, are you ‘er husband? 

  
  


ISAAC   
Bloody ‘ell! I’m in pain! “my contractions are starting to get worse!” 

THE DOCTOR

Help, I found this pregnant woman going into labor! 

The cop sighs to himself.

  
THE DOCTOR   
-under his breath-

When will these foreigners ever learn? It’s L-A-B-O-R. Not L-A-B-O-U-R. pfft. The British pronounce words differently.

ISAAC stops breathing. She starts screaming. 

The officer is unfazed by this. 

COP

“Miss, how far along are your contractions?”

ISAAC

  * In direct pain-



“At least four to five minutes apart.”

Her face is flushed. Drenched with sweat.

  
ISAAC   
-trying to speak-

Is this normal? 

It would be against protocol, but this lady needs to be driven to a hospital. ASAP. He yanks her arm, giving her enough weight to stand up. 

ISAAC   
I need to pull myself to a hospital. 

English cop

Come on Miss…

ISAAC   
Get down the stairs. Through the door. Into the car…

DOCTOR   
Shouldn’t be too hard…

ISAAC   
Just get me to a hospital…

Outside a storm appears to brew…

ISAAC gestures to a HANDMAIDEN. The HANDMAIDEN rushes over to her. The handmaiden rubs Isaacs's face. 

HANDMAIDEN   
I love you...

  
ISAAC brushes the HANDMAIDENs face. 

  
ISAAC

Thanks…

The handmaiden is talking to her friends. Her friends are cheering her on. Roger stands in the doorway awaiting instruction. Furious, she walks up to them. 

  
ROGER

How could you do that? Support a band who went to tel Aviv, which in turn financed the massacre of several Palestinians? Does no one have any decency anymore?

  
The HANDMAIDEN ignores ROGER. PEGGY watches the two discuss matters. 

HANDMAIDEN   
I’m so shy around people…

  
HANDMAIDEN 2

I understand. I’ve gotten nasty replies over the fact I ship my OC with myself.

  
HANDMAIDEN   
I think I might be on the autism spectrum…

  
  


HANDMAIDEN 2

Why do you think that?

  
HANDMAIDEN   
I was such an introvert in college. People around me call a space cadet… I’m socially awkward around people. 

This catches PEGGY's attention. 

PEGGY   
Aye!

  
The HANDMAIDEN turns around. She is frightened of PEGGY. She has found her toxic. Dramatic zoom up on PEGGY who is standing on a porch. Lighting flashes in the distance. She is furious. She slinks down the front end of the porch. 

  
HANDMAIDEN   
PEGGY. _ I don’t want you here. _ Alive. 

PEGGY   
Do you have any idea how much damage you’ve done?   
  
She paces around the handmaiden who is surrounded by other handmaidens. Almost like a feral animal stalking its prey.

THE CHAMELEON   
This should be fun. 

  
Outside the two begin to argue.    
  
PEGGY   
You shouldn’t be here.    
  
HANDMAIDEN   
Now be reasonable…

  
PEGGY   
Do they know about you?  _ What did you do to me? _

  
HANDMAIDEN

Oh PEGGY that was years ago…

A song plays on the intercom of the ambulance.    
  
COP   
What is that song?   
  
DOG

It is another copyrighted song.    
  
COP   
Dammit. I wanted to use that song.

  
DOG   
Listen…

  
The two listen to the copyrighted song that wasn’t from a well-animated film about a biblical character from a major studio that has a lawyer on hand. 

DOG   
That's an organic sound. 

  
  


COP

We’re going to be so sued. 

DOG   
The wait shouldn’t ISAAC be driven to the hospital?   
  
COP   
-sipping coffee-

No.

  
DOG   
We should drive ISAAC to the hospital. 

  
COP   
SAM can take care of that.

  
DOG   
Don’t you mean the doctor?   
  


COP   
Sure. 

  
We cut to SAM in the middle of traffic. His white striped car faces a silver hatchback. He anxiously taps the steering wheel. His foot is on the gas pedal. 

The cop car swerves out of the traffic. 

DRIVER   
Hey A-hole! Watch where you’re going!   
  
SAM looks at the rearview mirror. He is watching for Cop cars. 

  
DRIVER 2

Screw you, buddy!

  
One of the drivers flips off SAM.

This action causes many drivers to become frustrated. One driver becomes irate. He beats his horn on his steering wheel. 

The cop car speeds over to the pothole. He fumbles with the wheel. 

Isaac (our new protagonist) holds her stomach. She is pregnant.

SAM   
Since when are you the protagonist?   
  
ISAAC   
Just shut up!   
  
SAM   
I thought you were the antagonist.

  
ISAAC   
I am not the antagonist!   
  
SAM   
This is an outrage!   
  
ISAAC   
AH!   
  
SAM   
You ruined a relationship!   
  


ISAAC   
I’m not a bad person!

SAM   
Yes, you are!   
  
ISAAC   
You're acting unprofessionally for a doctor!   
  
SAM   
-realizing something-

I bet you have herpes.

  
ISAAC   
What?   
  
SAM   
I just checked the charts.

ISAAC   
What?!?   
  
SAM   
That's all you do. You ruin relationships with other people.

  
ISAAC   
No, I don’t! I have to protect the babies.

SAM   
OH, YOUR BASTARD CHILDREN?   
  


ISAAC   
How dare you.

  
SAM   
Your illegitimate children?   
  
ISAAC   
They’re not illegitimate…

  
SAM   
Your lying aren't you?   
  
ISAAC   
I’m not lying.

  
  


She leaned over to the cop.

CAT 

“Could you pull over?”

SAM   
I can’t risk that.

  
THE DOULA appears next to him. 

THE DOULA

Well, I’m the doula and I say PULL OVER!

SAM screams. He runs out of the car. 

DOULA

I need you to disappear.

  
SAM is gone. 

MAIDEN

Our pure beings face corruption. I’ve noticed our handmaidens become frustrated with their lifestyle. They demand freedom from their oppression. When Damon and her brother are born, all of their demands will cease.” 

Isaac’s eyes widen in horror. 

ISAAC

Why didn’t you tell me I would be giving birth to the bringer of Armageddon? 

Kendra slams the gas pedal. She buckles her self in front of the car. 

DOULA 

-cont-

“If I told you, then it wouldn’t have been a surprise.”

Isaac gives her a horrified stare. Kendra chuckles to herself. 

  
  


DOULA

“I’m kidding. If I told you, then there would have been a chance that you would miscarry from the shock. Now peel off your pants!”

Isaac continues to give her a blank stare. 

The cop car plunders through the traffic. She glances into the mirror. 

Kendra

Hang in there, Baby! Mama’s going to give birth in a safe environment!

She bites her lip. Isaac is suffering from nausea and stomach pains. She lifts her arms from removing the tights, and skirts. Her arms and legs are sore. 

She is furious, as the babies inside her womb. Her fists are tightly clenched.

For the first time in her life, Isaac wants to strangle Kendra for not informing her about the demon babies.    
  
Kendra happily tunes out Isaac’s words of pure fury. Isaac, already weak from nausea, somehow manages to drop so much F-Bombs in a matter of minutes. 

Kendra ignores the death threats, the threats of maiming her and her friends. Isaac pounds the bulletproof wall that separated her and Kendra. 

ISAAC

“You JUST HAD to let me give birth to the succubus growing inside of me!”I’m going to die aren’t I?”

  
  


Kendra shakes her head. Isaac puts her head in her hands. Her contractions don’t matter anymore. Even though she is in great pain, Isaac felt a mixture of frustration and aggression and strength.

SAM   
  
  
Strength?   
  
PEGGY   
Strength?   
  
ROGER

The only strong thing is his anus. 

The newfound hormones gave her a desire to wrestle an alligator in the mud.

SAM   
-screaming-

Are you kidding me?

  
PEGGY   
That's completely inaccurate!

  
ROGER   
DICK!

  
PEGGY trots over the handmaiden. The HANDMAIDEN begins to ignore her. Like a celebrity to a fan. 

PEGGY   
What happened to you? 

  
The handmaiden is almost a god at this point. 

  
ISAAC tries not to cry. Her tears rush to her warm cheeks. It is a heartwarming moment. It is also a horrifying moment. 

  
  


She steals a look at the bloody towel. Her back hurts like crazy. The contractions are coming. Each cramp is like an echo. This time, it is like the contractions are increasing in intensity. 

Cut to black.


	47. Chapter 47

SAM

I KNOW I SHOULD FEEL GRATEFUL.

HE SHAKES HIS HEAD..

SAM

I’M NOT GRATEFUL. I'm MORTIFIED.

ANOTHER BEAT.

  
SAM

-ADDRESSING THE AUDIENCE-

YOU WANT ME TO SOUND GRATEFUL?   
  


ANOTHER BEAT.

SAM

NO I’M MORTIFIED THAT I FORGOT TO SHOW THE CORRECT EMOTION. 

THE PYSHCOLOGICAL DEFENSES HAVE BEEN RIPPED APART. 

SAM  
NOW I SOPPOUSE YOU WANT ME TO THANK YOU. 

ANOTHER BEAT.

SAM

I’VE BEEN UNDER A LOT OF STRESS. I’VE BEEN WORKING ON ASSINGMENTS. 

SAM

-ADRESSING THE AUIDENCE-

SO WHEN YOU MADE ME STAND UP ON THE CLASSROOM, I WAS MORTIFIED.

SAM

YOU CAME IN WITH YOUR ADDITITUEE FOR GRATITUDE BULLSHIT, SMILING BECAUSE YOU KNEW I HAD BEEN DEPRESSED.

ANOTHER BEAT.

  
SAM

YOU KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP WITH ME. 

ISAAC starts breathing more shallowly. Breathing for her is increasingly difficult. She has to keep going. This baby is not not kill her. The urge to cry and swear is becoming necessary for her to resist passing out.    
  
She shrieks in pain. The tears raced down her cheeks as she makes a primal screech. The baby’s coming out. 

ISAAC  
KENDRA! Something is comming out of my secondary hole!

KENDRA

Out of your secondary hole?

ISAAC

If I recall correctly, I had a pair of testicles!

KENDRA stomps on the brakes. 

KENDRA

You what now?

ISAAC

-screaming-

KENDRA

ISAAC why didn’t you tell me this?

ISAAC

I didn’t want to make this hard for you!

KENDRA

It is already hard for me!

ISAAC screams.

  
KENDRA

Christ! Why didn’t you tell me this?

ISAAC

\- continues to scream-


	48. Chapter 48

The police car plows through the traffic. Cars are flying through the sky. The police car is enchanted to violate laws of physics and gravity. 

Kendra doesn’t have to worry about the lives of not-so-innocent drivers. 

RACOON   
Unbelievable. 

  
SKUNK   
What is?   
  
RACOON   
Is it too hard to just get high on Adderall?   
  
SKUNK   
High on Adderall?   
  
RACOON   
I’ve misspoken. 

  
SKUNK   
You get high?   
  
RACCOON   
No. No. All I want to do is take Adderall. 

  
SKUNK   
Do you get high?   
  
RACOON   
-grimaces-

Probably. 

  
SKUNK   
I didn’t mean to say it like that. 

  
RACOON   
I just feel numb when I take Adderall.    
  
SKUNK   
Numb?   
  
  


RACOON   
Like I’m feeling those emotions but they’re miles and miles away.    
  
  
Cars begin to defy gravity. 

  
SKUNK   
What the hell was that?   
  
RACOON   
It appears to be flying cars.    
  
SKUNK   
What is going on?

  
RACOON   
Someone needs Adderall. 

SKUNK   
You're the one to talk.

  
RACOON   
I’m on Adderall right now. 

The handmaiden glances at the siren button. Kendra slaps the button. The siren causes cars to move out of the way. 

  
SKUNK   
What do you think about the CHAMELEON?   
  
RACOON   
I think it's an unhealthy relationship.

  
SKUNK   
But who am I to judge?   
  
RACOON   
I don’t think she came from a healthy relationship.   
  
SKUNK   
What do you mean?   
  
RACOON   
I think The CHAMELEON is a byproduct of a dysfunctional cycle. 

  
SKUNK   
Dysfunctional?

The RACOONs heart begins to pound. A HANDMAIDEN is nearby.    
  
RACOON   
Don’t move.    
  
SKUNK   
Huh?   
  
RACOON   
Don’t move. HANDMAIDENs can smell negative energies.    
  
The RACOON begins to sneak over the highway. The HANDMAIDEN begins to jerk its head up. Very robotic. Sniffs. The SKUNK begins to sneak over the highway. The HANDMAIDEN begins to run towards her. It is clear to the RACOON that the CHAMELEON cannot protect her. THE RACOON gives a small swallow. The HANDMAIDEN begins to robotically analyze her.    
  
RACOON   
Keep your head down. 

The HANDMAIDEN begins to robotically snatch the RACOON. THE RACOON begins to scratch the dirt. The HANDMAIDEN forces her to make eye contact. RACOON does not make a single noise.    
  
HANDMAIDEN   
Put your paw up.    
  
The RACOON does not do this. She begins to freeze. The group puts their hand up. The RACOON puts her paw up as instructed. The HANDMAIDEN is speaking to her as if she were a very small child. 

  
HANDMAIDEN

Now, let's change matters…   
  
RACOON   
Hey, you’re changing the game! That's cheating!

HANDMAIDEN   
-ignoring her-

Lift your right hand if your present.   
  
For all, it is a game of duck duck goose. The RACOON lifts her right paw. She doesn’t want to be attacked this time. The HANDMAIDEN drops the RACOON.

HANDMAIDEN   
If you’re happy with yourself raise your right hand.   
  
RACOON does not raise her right paw. The HANDMAIDEN takes notice. 

  
HANDMAIDEN   
Hang on. RACOON I noticed you didn’t raise your right paw. 

  
The crowd of handmaidens falls silent. They all turn their gaze to the RACOON. The RACOON freezes as the HANDMAIDENs condescending grin grows wider and wider as if to indicate she has caught her prey. 

  
HANDMAIDEN   
-very loudly-

ARE YOU UNHAPPY WITH YOURSELF?

  
The RACOON falls silent. She does not nod.    
  
RACOON   
I dunno. 

This is a primitive reaction. The HANDMAIDEN begins her attack. 

  
HANDMAIDEN   
Why aren’t you happy?

RACOON

-Muttering to herself-

I don’t know.

This is how she reacts. Her brain is shutting down. This is utterly humiliating. The HANDMAIDEN is attempting to take down the walls she has built as a small child. The RACOON is having none of this. 

  
RACOON   
-repeating to self-

I don’t know.   
  


She curls into a small ball. The HANDMAIDEN attacks her once more. Her cheeks are white.    
  


RACOON   
I don’t know.

She closes her eyes. Her body is frozen. White. Unlike some of the other handmaidens who thrive in the spotlight, the RACOON briefly shuts down. She knows better than to joke about her insecurities. 

  
  


RACOON   
I don’t know. 

HANDMAIDEN   
Why aren’t you smiling?   
  
The RACOONs DADDY can’t rescue her. The chameleon, whom she sought as a mother figure, cannot help her. This is a moment of disconnect. She laughs. This is a not very genuine laugh. This is a red flag.

  
RACOON   
-laughs-

  
The HANDMAIDENS continue to attack her.    
  
RACOON   
-begins to laugh hysterically-

The HANDMAIDENS continue to attack her once more. 

  
RACOON   
-laughs very hysterically-

  
  


The HANDMAIDENs let up. The RACOON begins to give a smile. She continues to hysterically laugh. The anxiety-ridden RACOON continues to laugh until tears rush into her eyes. Something inside her begins to change. She clutches a tree bark. Her nails dig into the bark. No. she must hold the shame back. She shoots the HANDMAIDEN a dagger ridden glare. She continues to wheeze laugh. She contorts her body. Her head is rushing. No. She must hold back. No. She must repress unwanted emotions. She closes her eyes. She continues to laugh. A moment. Those airplanes. Those bi-planes hanging from the museum. Her blood is boiling. She hangs on the tree. Papa. She used to clutch her papa so closely. The university. She used to hang on them. Her nails dig sharper into the brown bark. Think about the man in new york sitting on the nails. The cartoonish squeal. The tom-like wail when he sat on that toilet his son placed… The child-like peal of laughter that came from his son. Her nails dig into the sharp bark. Red. Massacre. The handmaiden's guts spill across the sharp bark. Her head is rushing. No. a fine mist of red. She continues to wheeze. She leans on the bark. A brief moment of dissociation. The ground gives away under the ground. She continues to wheeze, tears rush to her face. Red. Crimson red. All she can see is a sharp crimson of red. 

  
  
  


It took a while for the traffic to clear up which frustrated Kendra.   
Kendra stops crashing into cars.

RACOON   
Driving into buildings?   
  
The skunk is mildly horrified. 

  
SKUNK   
What was that-

  
RACOON   
-laughs-

  
SKUNK   
Do you do that?

  
RACOON   
Use the power of telekinesis?

  
SKUNK nods.   
  


The handmaid's driving is terrible to the point of destroying buildings. 

RACOON   
I disengage with reality as a form of coping. 

  
SKUNK   
Ouch.    
  
RACOON   
Yea. 

  
SKUNK   
I think I do the same thing?   
  
RACOON   
That's how we cope with life. By pretending we don’t exist.   
  
SKUNK   
Do you build walls?   
  
RACOON nods.    
  
  


RACOON

Serves my parents right for not tending to my emotional needs as an infant. 

Kendra flies through living rooms, restaurants, and bedrooms to reach her destination.

  
SKUNK   
I think we’re almost there!   
  
RACOON   
I think your right. 

  
SKUNK   
We’re going to make it.    
  
RACOON   
No, we’re not…   
  
SKUNK   
Yes, we will!

  
RACOON   
What's the point?   
  
She turns to the skunk. 

  
SKUNK   
What is the point?   
  
RACOON   
We are too late. We can’t perform an abortion. 

  
SKUNK   
You might have a point there.

  
RACOON   
Unless we can suffocate an embryo with the whatever it is you call it- *the umbilical cord* like the ending of that time-traveling movie about that guy who uses diaries to go back in time... I forgot what it was called…

  
SKUNK grimaces.    
  
RACOON   
Traumatizing. I know. 

She finally swerves the police car in the parking lot. The buildings are dome-shaped. It is held up by two dozen columns. The swirls are eye-catching. 

RACOON   
Its a hospital. 

Isaac can’t believe her eyes. Surely this was the wrong building.

  
RACOON   
Its a hospital. 

There was no way she could give birth in this beautiful building.

  
RACOON   
It’s a fucking hospital. 

  
Sharp inhale. 

Kendra takes a deep breath. She unbuckles her seatbelt as she analyzed the birthing situation. 

  
RACOON   
It’s…

She hesitates...

  
RACOON   
A hospital. 

How does someone go to the maternity ward in under fifteen minutes?

  
RACOON   
Do you walk into the front door?   
  


Kendra has two options; walk and have the baby fall out, or crash into the maternity ward. 

  
RACOON   
  
Who uses the phrase literally in a sentence? Just walk inside the hospital!

  
SKUNK   
What is she doing?

The latter seems like a bad idea. Screw it, there has to be another way to get Daemen out. 

  
SKUNK   
With a coat hanger?

  
KENDRA

  
“I have no idea how to take someone to the maternity ward.” 

She hits the brakes, upon deciding that maybe it was a drive-through maternity ward. 

  
SKUNK   
No.

  
RACOON   
You're not going to drive right through the hospital?

  
SKUNK   
She’s going to drive right through the hospital.

  
RACOON   
Right through the hospital… That's very stupid! 

KENDRA   
ISAAC holds on. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.

  
ISAAC holds onto a chair.    
  
SKUNK   
Wait a minute!

  
RACOON   
Lady wait a minute!   
  
SKUNK   
Think about the baby!   
  
The car slams on to the entrance of the hospital. The car is undamaged of course, but there was now a car-shaped crater in the entrance. 

A secretary pops her head out. 

SECRETARY   
Excuse me Ma'am, but you cannot crash into the hospital by using a stolen vehicle! Go back and use the parking lot like everyone else!

Kendra clenches the wheel and pulls the car into reverse. She backs the car up.    
  
She puts her head out of the window. 

KENDRA   
You know this woman is carrying the prophesied twins right?

  
Cut to black. 


	49. Chapter 49

SECRETARY   
She’s carrying those babies? Wait a second. Let her come out?!   
  
RACOON

How does she know about those twins?

  
SKUNK   
She shouldn’t. 

Isaac has enough energy to bring herself out of the car. Kendra opens the door for her. The secretary runs to the semi-beaten car. She peers into the window.

SECRETARY

“Isaac?” 

Isaac tries not to fall over. the pain seems like the only stimulant. She looks up at the stranger. The stranger yanks her hand to steady the expecting mother. 

  
RACOON   
Wait a minute. She’s going into labor?   
  
SKUNK   
I’m in hell.

  
RACOON   
I need some coffee. 

SKUNK   
I should have seen it coming. 

  
RACOON   
Seen what coming?

  
SKUNK

The end of the world.

  
RACOON

The end of the world?

  
SKUNK

Our bodies are just temporary vessels.

RACOON takes in the hospital. 

RACOON   
I’m calling dibs on ROGER.

  
SKUNK

No, you can’t.

RACOON   
Who says I can’t?

  
SKUNK

Because you don’t want him.

RACOON   
Why not?

  
SKUNK

Don’t you know that our mortal bodies are temporary?

  
RACOON   
You said that already.

SKUNK

What if Rog has you know-

RACOON

Lady bits?

  
SKUNK nods at this. 

RACOON

Lady bits.   
  
RACOON sighs. She walks into the hospital.   
  
RACOON   
I’m fine with lady bits. 

  
SKUNK   
You are?

The raccoon's phone begins to buzz. The raccoon picks up the phone. 

RACOON   
Hello?

She scowls.   
  
RACOON

What do you mean your wife is miscarrying?

She shakes her head.

RACOON

What do you mean *it’s gone?*

Another beat. She tilts her head slightly. 

  
RACOON   
What do you mean the fetus transported into a different host?

SKUNK

Did it transport?

We cut back to the basement.

PENGUIN

Looking back, I should have seen it coming. At 20, I should have known that my days assembling an army were limited. A few minutes ago, I witnessed the true meaning of fear. 

  
PEGGY   
What's going on?

  
PENGUIN

We were in a basement. Mick started to miscarry. That might have been a problem, but if we had a donor to give birth to the baby then things would be ok. I assumed that events would turn out for the better. I didn’t think about the concept of fear. In the movies, there was always a hero that stopped the antagonist's plans. We had to hide from Daemen. 

The Penguin continues to monologue. 

  
  
  


Penguin

-still monologuing-

Even if she was vulnerable at the infant stage, Daemen could still destroy us. We couldn’t destroy her or hurt Isaac at the pregnancy. The last time we saw Isaac, she was possessed by Daemen. she had one baby. I didn’t recall two babies! 

PEGGY   
We don’t know that…

PENGUIN

-still panicking-

How do we know that?

PEGGY   
Sam you having an anxiety attack.   
  
PENGUIN   
So what if I am?

  
  
Maria glances at the horse giving birth. 

  
MARIA   
are you feeling sick?

JOHN    
So what if I am?   
  
MARIA   
Just checking…

  
MARIA

Hang on a second. How am I supposed to be alive at this point?

JOHN   
I think this is supposed to be an allegory to the first Christmas.

She lies her head back. She lets out a scream.

cut to black. 


	50. Chapter 50

Olivia bites her nails.

  
OLVIA   
I think she might have complications. 

SKUNK   
Stop biting my nails!   
  
OLVIA   
I cannot.

  
SKUNK   
That’s assault!

  
PEGGY   
Ouch!   
  
OLVIA   
I’m sorry!

She continues to bite other characters' nails. 

SAM   
That’s obnoxious!   
  
OLIVIA   
Apologies!

The DOG arrives on scene.

  
DOG   
My dearest!   
  
THE RACOON 

My love!

The two begin to embrace. The DOG takes notice of JOHN lying on the bed. 

  
DOG   
-taking off his hat-

Good lord, what is going on?

JOHN   
I have to take your wifes place. 

  
DOG   
Excuse me?   
  
JOHN 

To give birth.

  
DOG   
Am I on qualides?   
  
RACOON   
No Dearest.

DOG   
I need a scotch. 

  
RACOON   
Right away dearest.    
  
SHE pours herself a scotch. 

DOG   
What is going on?   
  
RACOON   
Smashed up adderall.   
  
DOG   
That didn’t answer my question.

  
RACOON   
Oh really?   
  
DOG   
-takes a swig of whiskey-

RACOON shoots a glance at the chameleon. 

  
RACOON   
There’s something off with the Chameleon. I just can’t put my finger on it. 

DOG   
Your just projecting. 

  
RACOON   
I don’t know.    
  
DOG   
Its a mild case of projection.

  
RACOON   
Everytime I see her, my stomach turns into knots. 

  
DOG   
You sure?   
  
RACOON   
-swigs a glass-

I’m sure.

  
DOG   
Are you ok?   
  
RACOON gestures towards PEGGY.

  
RACOON   
PEGGY I need you to do a favor. 

  
PEGGY   
You rang?   
  
RACOON   
I need you to seduce Roger.

  
PEGGY

No.

RACOON

You need to assert your dominance. 

  
PEGGY   
How do I do that?   
  


RACOON

Read his body language.

ROGER is the kitchen. PEGGY walks inside. 

  
PEGGY

You seem tense. Do You want a massage?

  
ROGER   
My shoulders are very sore. 

  
PEGGY proceeds to give her a massage. It is established she is the personification of envy. 

  
ROGER

That feels good. 

She flops on the chair.    
  
ROGER   
Your cheap. Real cheap. 

  
She gives a sigh. 

ROGER   
I’m just tired…

  
PEGGY   
Tell me about it.   
  
She gives a nibble of his ear. She is asserting her dominance by seducing ROGER.

  
ROGER   
Your nothing but a cheap girl…

  
PEGGY   
Cheap?   
  
ROGER   
Nothing but a call girl.

  
PEGGY leans into ROGER. 

John is in labor. The DOG stands by.   
  
JOHN   
-panting-

  
DOG   
Hold my hand.

  
JOHN clutches the DOGs hand. 

DOG   
Not that tight…   
  
JOHN   
Christ!

  
RACCOON smirks at JOHNs predicament. 

  
RACOON   
How are ya holding up?   
  
JOHN   
Is this what pain feels like?

  
RACOON   
Of course this is what giving birth feels like.

  
JOHN   
What?   
  
RACOON   
Just hold still..

  
JOHN   
Ah!   
  
RACOON   
It shouldn’t be that hard.

JOHN gives another scream.   
  
The RACOONs head shoots up.

  
DOG

How would you like to run away with me?   
  
CHAMELEON   
Its not going to work.   
  
DOG   
Of course its going to work.

  
CHAMELEON   
My mother won’t allow it.

DOG   
Its going to work.   
  
CHAMELEON   
Its not going to work. 

  
DOG   
Don’t worry about it. 

CHAMELEON   
Why would we leave?

DOG

Don’t you want to be independent?   
  
CHAMELEON   
....

DOG   
Well?   
  
CHAMELEON   
My mother wouldn’t allow it. 

  
DOG

Why not?

  
CHAMELEON   
She wouldn’t.

  
DOG glances at the CHAMELEONs mother.   
  
DOG

-softly-   
She’s a tiny old lady. Whats the worst that can happen?

We cut to a slam of the door.    
  
DOG   
Drive!   
  
CHAMELEON begins to turn the key. The elderly lady runs after them.   
  
DOG   
DRIVE.DRIVE.DRIVE.DRIVE.

  
CHAMELEON   
Shit!   
  
DOG   
Hit the gas!

  
She does so.    
  
We cut back to the present. The DOG turns on the radio. He averts his gaze from the chameleon. 

Radio announcer:

Right. The powers that be…

  
The DOG shuts off the radio. Annoyed. 

  
DOG   
Right.   
  
JOHN squeezes his hand. DOG squeals at this. The CHAMELEON turns the radio back on. The TWO wince at the radio. 

ROGER   
What are you listening to?   
  
SLYVIA   
Music my mother would listen to when she divorced my father.

ROGER

This is music from the hangover.   
  
SYLVIA   
It is.

  
ROGER   
This is trash. Change the music.   
  
SYLVIA grimaces at the choice of music.   
  
ROGER   
Now this is more like it.

  
SYLVIA groans. The music is unpleasant.   
  
ROGER   
What?

  
  
  
  


JOHN gives out one final scream.    
  
ROGER   
Holy shit!   
  
SYLVIA   
I’m going to need some whiskey.   
  
ROGER 

Do you even drink whiskey?   
  
SYLVIA

I drink beer. I’ve been drinking LIQUOR since I was 17. AMERICA. 

  
ROGER   
You're mean when you're sober.

  
SYLVIA   
And you’re mean when you get slightly drunk.

  
ROGER   
I AM NOT!


	51. Chapter 51

  
THE DOG does not shout. He should have been confused about the moon goddess giving birth in Mick’s place. 

Instead, he is silent.

  
DOG

…

He is exhausted. The infant squirms in his arms. Blood is on his paws.

DOG

We are but simple immigrants.

  
A Clydesdale begins to narrate.

  
CLYDESDALE   
We are but simple immigrants. We want to forge a family in this land of greed and sin.

DOG   
Shouldn't you be in school?

A record scratch.

  
CLYDESDALE looks around. HE gets ambushed by a truant officer.

  
Truant Officer

Come back here you little wanker!   
  
CLYDESDALE struggles.   
  
SKUNK   
Is he going to be ok?   
  
CLYDESDALE   
My sister!   
  
SKUNK   
We barely know each other. 

  
  


SKUNK   
-angry-

If I knew how this was going to end up I might as well have gotten suspended. 

There was an awkward pause.

  
PEGGY   
What are you talking about?   
  
SKUNK   
I wish I had done something with my life. I wish I didn’t go through these classes feeling like a drug addict. I should have pulled the fire alarm when I had the chance. Might as well have gotten myself suspended.   
  
PEGGY   
…

  
SKUNK   
At least I’m not a whore. No. he is not my brother.

  
The Clydesdale gives a protest as he is hauled offscreen.   
  
John turns his head. 

  
JOHN   
You sired this kid!

  
DOG   
He is not your child!   
  
JOHN   
You-

  
DOG

Go on.

  
JOHN   
You-you bastard!

DOG

Fuck off. You're not my wife. 

The SKUNK closes her eyes.   
  
SKUNK   
Someone is going to get killed.

  
SYLVIA turns around.   
  
SYLVIA   
What do you mean by that?   
  
SKUNK   
-swallows-

I hope it’s me.

  
SYLVIA   
What did you say?

  
SKUNK   
Nothing.

  
SYLVIA   
How could you say that?

SKUNK   
Why don’t you leave me alone?

  
SYLVIA

I’m trying to help you!   
  
SKUNK   
Stop prying!   
  
SYLVIA   
I’m not prying!   
  
SKUNK   
It sure feels like it!   
  
SYLVIA   
Why you-

  
SKUNK   
Frick off!

  
SYLVIA is speechless. The SKUNK storms off. 

JOHN   
  


we don’t have much time. Daemon will destroy everyone if we don’t fight him-

EVERYONE

-scattered-

Wait, what’s going on? I’m not prepared to fight a b- I don’t have a sword. I don’t understand hand to hand combat. 

  
DOG   
Hang on. How do we know this?   
  
JOHN

…

  
DOG

Are you suggesting that we fight a baby?

  
JOHN   
…

  
DOG   
That's murder!

  
JOHN   
You must.

  
DOG   
-sighing-

Why?   
  
SYLVIA   
JOHN this doesn’t make sense. Why would we kill a baby?   
  
JOHN says nothing. 

  
SYLVIA   
John?   
  
JOHN   
It must be done.

  
  


The scene fades as the protagonists walk down the street. Two figures slowly appear. 

SAM

To call it a hospital room would be an overstatement. 

The room is dim, save for homemade candles. The candles smell funky.

  
SAM   
  
What are they made off?   
  
MARIA   
Menstrual blood.

This causes some gagging from the rest of the crew. The flames give a pink glow as they flicker. 

  
  
SAM   
What's the plan?   
  
SYLVIA   
We murder a baby.

  
SAM   
Excuse me?   
  
SYLVIA

-repeating-

We murder a baby.

  
SAM   
May I enquire why?

  
SYLVIA   
Isaac has given birth to the antichrist.   
  
SAM looks at the camera.   
  


SYLVIA   
We need to sneak into the operating room.    
  
SAM   
Did I found the nurse's clothing?   
  
SYLVIA   
Nurse clothing?

  
SAM   
I forgot what they were called.

  
SYLVIA 

Scrubs?

SAM   
Scrubs!   
  
SYLVIA tosses everyone scrubs. Everyone appears to be slightly bloody from birth. The first instinct would be to take a shower.

  
We cut to a shower. All females are standing. Blood is being washed off. The SKUNK stares at the showerhead.

  
SYLVIA

Care to explain yourself?   
  
SKUNK   
I’m all over the place.

  
SYLVIA   
Elaborate?

  
SKUNK   
I’m horny. I’m sad. I’m hopeless one second…

  
SYLVIA   
That doesn’t explain a lot.

  
SKUNK   
It does.

  
We cut to the group reconvene in the hospital lobby. The group has realized they can take down some handmaidens. 

HANDMAIDEN   
We’re going to use magic!

  
SKUNK   
Oh no…   
  
SYLVIA arms herself with a broom.    
  
SAM 

Does that appear to be the infant we saw earlier?    
  
SYLVIA   
That’s impossible…   
  
SAM   
-twitches nervously-

OLVIA   
Magic? I don’t know how to use magic?   
  
SYLVIA   
None of us do you dipshit!   
  
SAM   
Language!   
  
SYLVIA   
I don’t know how to use magic! None of us know how to use magic!

SAM

Uh, we need Guns, not hocus pocus spells!

  
SYLVIA   
We can’t use guns!   
  
SKUNK   
We can’t trust Sam with guns...

  
HANDMAIDEN

Well the first thing you need to learn is the fire spell

  
SAM   
Fire spell?   
  
SKUNK   
We can’t trust SAM with a fire spell…

  
SYLVIA   
fire spell?   
  
SKUNK   
-takes a double take-

A fire what now?

she takes her two forefingers and pushes down. 

HANDMAIDEN   
A fire spell. It’s a defense mechanism. 

One of the maidens turns around. She drops her tools.

PENGUIN

Ok, we are massively outnumbered. At least I know a fire spell. That’s good news. 

  
SKUNK   
Wait SAM I can’t trust you with using a FIRE SPELL! THATs Out of your executive functioning skills.

A sting. 

The handmaiden produces a sharp scalpel. 

  
SYLVIA   
-to self-

The lucky charm on my neck will protect me. I can do this.

Mary bends her knees and thrust her forefingers down and breathed in. It was as if the two fingers became a flamethrower.

  
SAM   
Are you ripping off anime now?   
  
SYLVIA   
Probably.   
  
SKUNK   
That's completely original.   
  
SAM   
That explains a lot. 

Georgia, one of the handmaidens, makes a battle cry as she jerks her thumb upwards. Instead of water, she accidentally produced a type of gas, which must have increased the flame range.

  
SYLVIA   
I smell gas.   
  
SAM   
Hit the deck!   
  
He ducks.    


Mary coughs but she is surprisingly unaffected. SYLVIA bends her knees as well. She is another handmaiden. Her flowery kimono makes a swift dip as she swung her spear at me. SYLVIA instinctively ducks to avoid the spear. 

  
SKUNK   
You are an American! How are you wearing a kimono?


	52. Chapter 52

RACOON Presses her thumb upwards. In doing so, she accidentally produces a jet of water. The handmaiden is knocked back into the table by the sudden jet stream of water. At the moment she is completely incapacitated. 

The raccoon leaps over to her arch-nemesis. 

  
  


UNKNOWN FIGURE

Wait a minute. 

The unknown figure walked over to her side. She grabs the raccoons fist. 

“You must learn to punch properly.”

She lifts her right arm. she swings her fist.

RACOON 

I want to punch her in the face. 

THE UNKNOWN figure holds the RACOON fist.

  
UNKNOWN FIGURE

Patience, child. Combat is not about punching people in the face. It is an art. You must use combat to survive. to successfully defeat your enemies, one must use hand to hand combat and sword to hand combat to achieve their goals. To use combat, you must harness it properly.

The RACOON frees her hand.

  
UNKNOWN FIGURE

Excuse me, why are you punching Isaac in the face? 

She smiles at him. 

  
RACOON

Come on! You can’t tell me that I’m not allowed to punch random citizens in the face?

UNKNOWN Citizen

You can’t do that.

  
ISAAC screams louder. Ahead is crowning.

RACOON   
Why can’t I punch her in the face? She’s a traitor!

UNKNOWN FIGURE   
We don’t solve our problems by punching people in the face.

  
RACOON   
I wish!   
  
THE UNKNOWN FIGURE grabs her hand once more.   
  
RACOON   
Hey!   
  
UNKNOWN FIGURE   
Leave.   
  
RACOON   
Let go of my hand!

UNKNOWN FIGURE   
I’m not. 

We cut to a flashback. The world has ended.    
  
UNKNOWN FIGURE   
RACOON I can’t run away with you.

  
RACOON   
Why not?   
  
UNKNOWN FIGURE sighs.   
  
HE turns to face her.   
  
UNKNOWN FIGURE   
I can’t leave.

  
RACOON   
Why can’t you assert your independence?   
  
UNKNOWN FIGURE does not respond to her question.

  
RACOON   
Why don’t we talk anymore?

we cut to the present. 

RACOON   
Uh-oh.

  
ISAAC continues to scream. OLVIA grabs the clamps.   
  
RACOON   
Wait!    
  
OLIVA drops the clamps.

  
RACOON   
We still have a chance!   
  
OLVIA   
Give it up already! The baby is suffocating. 

  
RACOON   
Give me five seconds?   
  
OLVIA scowls at her. RACOON proceeds to lose consciousness. She leans on the bed rail.

RACOON   
Hang on.

  
She proceeds to vomit in the trashcan. 

  
DOLPHIN   
Are you doing ok?   
  
RACOON clutches the trash can. She slips on the blood.

  
DOLPHIN    
Do you need a moment?   
  
RACOON nods. She leaves the hospital room. 

  
SKUNK 

-offscreen-

Oh god, the fetus is attacking us!

  
SKUNK gives a mild scream.    
  
SKUNK   
Back!

  
ROGER proceeds to enter the hospital room. He gives out a scream.

  
ROGER   
Christ!

  
The fetus begins to attack. It is attached to ISAAC.

  
ROGER   
Oh my god. Is that a fetus?   
  
ROGER slips on some of the blood. 

  
ROGER   
Get away from me!   
  
THE FETUS turns to him. 

  
SYLVIA   
-hissing-

ROGER quiet.

ROGER freezes.

  
SYLVIA   
ROGER?   
  
ROGER does not move. 

  
SYLVIA   
ROGER don’t touch the fetus.

  
She arms herself with the broom.

  
ROGER   
There we go!   
  
SYLVIA presses herself against the fetus with the handle of the broom. 

The FETUS leaps like a cobra.

  
SYLVIA   
Roger!   
  
ROGER gives a sharp laugh.

  
SYLVIA    
MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!   
  
  
SYLVIA STRIKES WITH THE BROOM.   
  
SYLVIA   
Come over here ROGER!   
  
ROGER 

That's a fetus?   
  
THE FETUS strikes like a cobra. 

  
  


ROGER is frozen in place. HE slowly turns around.    
  
SYLVIA    
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?   
  
ROGER   
-laughs maniacally-

  
SYLVIA   
Do you want to die?   
  
ROGER   
Everyone has to die at some point.

  
SYLVIA   
I’m not ready for death. 

  
ROGER   
We’ve have to go.

  
SYLVIA   
What do you mean “we?”

************************************


	53. Chapter 53

Isaac tries not to flinch. Her skin is blotchy from the third-degree burns. She doesn’t know how she earns them. She tries to pull herself up. Her tights are wadded up on the floor. She leans over her stomach as she inspects wiry tights. For some odd reason, the thighs are coated with blood. She falls back on the ripped couch. 

ISAAC   
Did I miscarry?   
  
The howl of the baby answers her question. 

The RACOON begins to speak.

  
RACOON   
  
As a Thursday ends...

She gives a swallow.

  
RACOON   
A Friday begins.    
  
She clutches her medication.    
  
RACOON   
If I took my medication tonight will everyone leave me alone?

She laughs somewhat bitterly.    
  
RACOON   
Will the pain be muffled if I just take my medication at six pm?   
  
She glances at the pill bottle.    
  
RACOON   
I just want it to stop.   
  
She looks at the ruined city. 

  
RACOON   
I just don’t want to be in so much pain. 

The city greets her.    
  
  


RACOON   
Who gives a flying fuck anyway?   
  


She looks at the bottle of pills.    
  
RACOON   
Why am I on pills?   
  
She observes the city.

  
RACOON   
Because of my mood swings.

RACOON glances at the pills in her paw.    
  
RACOON   
I hate it. I hate the cheeriness. Its just offensive. I hate going back. I don’t need help. 

  
She sniffles.

RACOON   
I don’t need help at all.    
  
RACOON   
Why am I on medication?   
  
She thinks for a moment. 

  
RACOON   
Do you know what would be great? Lets put everyone else in the entire world under heavy doses of additional medication. Lets put everyone in therapy where you get told every Friday by some stranger ina super happy voice to be nice to each other. 

The raccoon observes the city.   
  
RACOON   
I’ve got an even better idea. Let’s talk down to them.    
  
No one is next to her.    
  
RACOON   
Oh! Better idea! Let’s treat everyone like small children. 

  
  
  


The CHAMELEON begins to laugh.   
  


CHAMELEON

Bad day?   
  
RACOON   
Leave me alone.   
  
CHAMELEON   
Get some sleep.   
  
RACOON   
What do you mean by that?   
  
CHAMELEON   
Your sleep-deprived.

  
RACOON says nothing. 

  
  
  
  
  


ISAAC is lying on the hospital bed.

  
ISAAC   
Did I give birth?

  
She is having a break from reality.

DAEMEN   
No, you didn’t.

Isaacs’s heart beats faster and faster. She briefly slaps herself.

  
ISAAC   
How did you grow up so fast?   
  
DAEMEN   
I just did.   
  
ISAAC swallows.

DAEMEN   
You must be confused about the nature of these events. Nevermind the confusion.Fredrick and I shall marry at noon.

  
ISAAC   
Your marrying your father?   
  
DAEMEN tsks at this. 

Isaac pushes to sit up. To sit up, meant having electrifying pain in her thighs rise to her stomach. 

  
ISAAC briefly retches. 

  
ISAAC   
Is this real?   
  
DAEMEN   
Wake up.

  
She smacks her on the head.

  
DAEMEN   
Watch your tone missy.   
  
ISAAC being the insecure musician weeps. She trembles in the hospital bed.    
  
JOHN does nothing as he watches.    
  
JOHN   
ISAAC is just quiet.

  
He doesn’t say anything to DAEMEN. She has the power to disintegrate him with the snap of her fingers. DAEMEN storms off. JOHN does nothing as he knows its just a hallucination. 

  
JOHN   
-quietly-

ISAAC.

  
ISAAC does not move. Is too exhausted. 

  
JOHN   
Isaac?

  
ISAAC lies on her stomach. 

  
JOHN leaves the room.

  
  


CAMEL   
At least you don’t live in your mother's basement. You have a job.

  
RACOON   
How does that make sense?   
  


CAMEL   
-addressing the RACOON-

You're young.   
  
RACOON   
I can’t tell what's worse. Becoming obese or getting help. 

  
CAMEL   
You have some degree of independence.

  
RACOON   
My thought process.

  
CAMEL   
At least you aren’t echoing your parents.

  
RACOON   
What am I going to do?

  
CAMEL   
Just talk to him.

  
RACOON   
His mother is in the same room.   
  
CAMEL   
It shouldn’t be too bad.   
  
RACOON   
I feel like I’m wearing a wire.   
  
CAMEL   
A wire.

  
RACOON

I feel like I’m in a drug bust.

  
Cut to black. 


	54. Chapter 54

RACOON   
I’m not looking forward to this.

  
CAMEL   
What?   
  
RACOON   
People.

  
CAMEL is not amused by the lack of answers.

  
RACOON   
I just want to sleep.   
  
CAMEL   
  
Sleep?   
  
The camel demonstrates this by curling up in a fetal position.

  
RACOON   
Like that.   
  
HANDMAIDEN appears.   
  
HANDMAIDEN   
-cheerfully-

How much did you sleep last night?   
  
RACOON   
....

  
HANDMAIDEN   
Do you know what would be a great idea?   
  
The RACOON tunes out the handmaiden.

  
RACOON   
I just can’t stand the fear.

  
CAMEL   
What are you afraid of?   
  
RACOON   
I can’t stop thinking about that boy.

  
CAMEL   
Guilt?   
  
While the HANDMAIDEN talks on, the CAMEL thinks of a plan.

  
RACOON

I just don’t want to deal with the waking world right now.

  
CAMEL curls up on the armchair.

  
CAMEL   
You could go to Tel Aviv. Rub it in his face.   
  
The RACOON glances up.

  
CAMEL   
Learn the language, convert to Judaism.

  
RACOON   
Could I possibly do that?   
  
CAMEL   
Your young enough.

  
RACOON   
Could I take chances to go to tel Aviv?

  
CAMEL   
I think you can.   
  
RACOON   
Is this a delusion?   
  
CAMEL   
Perhaps.   
  
RACOON   
Am I experiencing a delusion?   
  
CAMEL   
Maybe this is all a big delusion.

  
RACOON   
But I exist?   
  
CAMEL   
Perhaps we exist on a metaphysical level. 


	55. Chapter 55

DOG and the moon goddess stare at her. DOG falls silent. He tries to say something but quickly shuts his mouth. The SKUNK glances at JOHN. THE SKUNK tries not to snicker at their petty argument. The future husband and wife lower their heads in shame. 

SKUNK   
You didn’t think this through.   
  
JOHN   
I’m not getting married.

  
SKUNK   
Too bad!

  
JOHN   
I’m not getting married to him.

  
SKUNK   
You don’t have a choice in this.   
  
  


JOHN

I’m not attracted to him.   
  
SKUNK   
What are you attracted to?   
  
JOHN   
Pussy.

  
She looks around.

  
SKUNK begins to act frantic.   
  
SKUNK   
Oh god. Oh god.

  
JOHN   
What am I going to do?   
  
SKUNK   
You?   
  
She laughs.   
  
SKUNK   
You know the rules.   
  
JOHN   
That's not my child.   
  
SKUNK   
You had a child out of wedlock.   
  
JOHN   
Don’t remind me.   
  
SKUNK   
What now?   
  
She paces around.   
  
SKUNK   
Christ. This isn’t good.

  
JOHN   
Do you tell me?   
  
  


SKUNK   
John when you gave birth to the DOGs offspring, you’ve claimed motherhood. 

  
JOHN   
No kidding.

  
SKUNK   
Christ. Christ.

  
JOHN   
I’m not getting married to him.   
  
SKUNK   
What are we going to do?   
  
She laughs nervously.

  
JOHN   
There's nothing wrong with liking pussy.   
  
SKUNK   
You have a problem managing your anger. You need to learn how to not use women as punching bags. 

How are we going to tell ROGER?   
  
JOHN   
ROGER?   
  
SKUNK   
How is ROGER going to react to this?   
  
JOHN   
By bleeding?   
  
SKUNK   
Crying? 

The two begin to think of a plan.   
  
SKUNK   
We’re living in the post-apocalyptic world.   
  
JOHN   
Aye. The powers that be bully us into submission.   
  
SKUNK scowls.   
  
SKUNK   
I might be PMSing.

  
JOHN   
Don’t tell me that!   
  
SKUNK shrugs.

  
SKUNK   
I’m trying to warn you that my mood swings get pretty bad…

  
JOHN is mildly disgusted by this.   
  
SKUNK   
Oh, come on girls have to…

  
JOHN   
Gross!   
  
SKUNK   
No wonder my breasts are sore…   
  
JOHN   
Anyway, we are living in the dog days.   
  
SKUNK   
What are you talking about?   
  
JOHN   
We are being oppressed…

  
SKUNK   
Oh yes, the government…   
  
JOHN   
-somewhat softly-

A very important judge died today…

  
SKUNK   
What?   
  
JOHN   
We’re ruled by rapists pedophiles…   
  
SKUNK   
Dark days ahead…

  
  


The SKUNK shakes her head. She curls underneath the blanket. She leaves the room. 

SKUNK   
It won’t matter, right?

  
CHAMELEON is unhappy about this.   
  
CHAMELEON   
What? We’re fucked!   
  
SKUNK

It-

Her voice slows.

  
SKUNK slows as she lays on a branch.   
  
SKUNK   
Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. 

  
JOHN   
What is our plan?   
  


SKUNK   
How are we going to tell ROGER his babe is married to someone else?   
  
JOHN   
Oh, his babe?   
  
SKUNK   
He thinks your his babe.   
  
JOHN   
Which babe?   
  
SKUNK   
The babe with the power…

JOHN bops her on the head for this.   
  
JOHN   
I’m not getting married to him.   
  
SKUNK   
Cause your not gay.

The cartoonish blob goes through the maze. It has one mission, eat the multi-colored ghosts that haunt his very li- He has to earn those points. He has to save the girl, he has to become the hero. 

WAA-WAAA.

He loses the game. 

ROGER

DAMMIT!

Roger kicks the machine. He does not feel torn about John not paying attention to him. Maybe it was his fault. All he has to do is improve himself. What did Isaac have that he didn’t? A perm! That’s it! Roger needs a perm!

  
ROGER

No. a perm sounds stupid.   
  


PENGUIN   
  


John would immediately fall over him.

  
ROGER   
Shut up SAM.

  
SKUNK   
ER ROGER?   
  
ROGER TURNS AROUND.

  
PENGUIN   
Roger twisted his head to face you.   
  
SKUNK   
-Somewhat warningly-

What?

He shoots her a look of frustration.   
  
SKUNK   
I just want to tell you that JOHN is getting married.

A beat.

  
  


ROGER   
Good for him.

  
SKUNK   
Oh good.   
  
ROGER   
I’m content with this.   
  
SKUNK   
No angst?   
  
ROGER   
Nope.   
  
SKUNK

Aw...

  
ROGER   
Just silent rage. 

  
SKUNK   
Rage?

ROGER   
Married? He’s getting married?

  
He grips his ears. Tears rush to his cheeks as he fails to attempt to process the information. 

  
SKUNK   
Wait a second. You have a penis.   
  
She thinks to herself.   
  


ROGER   
Of course, I have a penis. 

  
He rubs his cheeks as he attempts to not look embarrassed.    
  
SKUNK   
Did you sell us out?   
  
ROGER   
I regrew the penis.

  
  
  


CHAMELEON   
So how did it go?   
  
RACOON   
You know what?

She takes a sharp inhale of her cigarette.   
  
RACOON   
Fuck him. Fuck him in the arse.

  
CHAMELEON   
That bad huh?   
  
RACOON   
He didn’t even acknowledge me. 

  
CHAMELEON   
Oh boy…

RACOON   
I just feel so abandoned…

  
She takes another exhale of her cigarette…

CHAMELEON   
Do you ever wonder if he likes you back?   
  
RACOON   
Are you saying this is my fault?   
  
CHAMELEON   
I mean he talks to you…

  
RACOON   
I don’t think he likes me…   
  
She takes another puff of the cigarette.

  
CHAMELEON   
Why do you think that?   
  
RACOON   
I always say the wrong thing. 

CHAMELEON   
But you can improve?   
  
RACOON   
It doesn’t feel like it.

  
CHAMELEON   
You just gotta practice. 

  
RACOON   
What do you mean to practice?    
  
CHAMELEON shrugs at this. She curls up next to the RACOON.

  
RACOON   
How do I practice?   
  
CHAMELEON   
It takes time.    
  
RACOON extinguishing cigarette.

  
CHAMELEON   
Why am I here?   
  
RACOON   
Why am I here?    
  
She scoffs.

  
RACOON   
You were adopted.

  
CHAMELEON   
Adopted?   
  
RACOON   
Yeah… You and the blind girl…

  
A beat.

  
RACOON   
Both adopted.   
  
CHAMELEON   
I don’t belong here.   
  
RACOON   
I respect you.   
  
  


CHAMELEON   
Respect me?

  
RACOON   
No. I mean I project myself onto you as an unhealthy coping mechanism. 

  
CHAMELEON   
Perhaps its just guilt.    
  
RACOON   
Maybe it is guilt.   
  
The RACOON yawns.   
  
RACOON   
I don’t know what I have to be guilty about. I’m a villain but what crime did I commit?   
  
CHAMELEON   
The crime of existing. 

  
  


The RACOON laughs at this. 

Cut to black. 


	56. Chapter 56

We open to a post-apocalyptic scenery. Two characters are discussing matters. So John came out as gay on live T.V.

  
JOHN   
I’m not gay!   
  
ROGER   
I don’t like you!   
  
LIZARD   
Oh, how adorable. The couple is arguing.   
  
JOHN   
I don’t like dicks!   
  
ROGER   
good!

Big deal. 

“It’s not like I have any romantic feelings for him or anything.”

  
CHAMELEON   
So what is going on is there’s no romantic tension. 

  
CAMEL   
Did you tell John you had romantic feelings for him?   
  
ROGER   
I don’t like him!   
  
CAMEL to SEAL   
I told you SYLVIA should have chloroformed him when we had the chance. 

ROGER   
What?

Roger rubs his wet cheeks as he tries not to look embarrassed.

  
ROGER   
I’m not gay!

  
JOHN   
Neither am I?   
  
CHAMELEON   
If you like pussy, doesn’t that make you a lesbian?   
  
JOHN   
Now you're walking on extremely thin ice!   
  
CHAMELEON   
What?   
  
JOHN groans at this.   
  
CHAMELEON   
So your right. You're a lesbian.    
  
JOHN   
Am not a lesbian!

The CHAMELEON talks to SAM.   
  
CHAMELEON    
SAM what’s going on?   
  
SAM

The world felt screwed up. The skies, the ground, and fate were laughing in his face. Why did John run away to leap into someone else's arms? John said he loved him! On live television! All of a sudden the ground gave away under his feet. It wasn’t the sky anymore, it was fourteen to sixteen year old’s laughing in his face. Young mothers giving him the look of death, as he was the homewrecker to John and Isaac’s relationship- Roger was no more ticked off then destroyed internally. He didn’t want to look into John’s face. He ran out of the rec room. Roger didn’t want to run out of the rec room, he wanted to sprint out of the house. He wanted to sprint to the ends of the earth. He wanted to fly away from the earth and through the galaxies. Why doesn’t he put himself on a stranded island? He asked himself. His heart was broken into a million shards. His body felt as if it would collapse. Good. he wanted to melt into nothing. He was nothing more but a hollow shell.

  
  


CHAMELEON   
Ok then... 

THE CHAMELEON turns to the CAMEL.   
  
CHAMELEON   
We’re going to MOUNT VERNON IOWA. 

CAMEL   
Why?   
  
CHAMELEON   
Visiting relatives.   
  
CAMEL   
Sounds reasonable enough.

The two walk off. The seal follows them.    
  
CHAMELEON   
What do you think you're doing? 

  
BLIND SEAL   
FOLLOWING YOU TO IOWA.

CHAMELEON   
Oh no, you don’t.   
  
BLIND SEAL

I’m going to need you to guide me.   
  
CHAMELEON   
No blind jokes.

  
BLIND SEAL   
I have a disability. I can laugh.   
  
THE CHAMELEON sighs at this.   
  
CHAMELEON 

Come on then. 

  
CAMEL   
Shouldn’t be so hard…   
  
The TRIO walk offscreen.    
  
We cut to the trio walking on the street.   
  
  


BLIND SEAL   
How long until mount Vernon? 

CHAMELEON   
Three hours.

  
BLIND SEAL   
Three hours?   
  
CAMEL

Going to a college?   
  
CHAMELEON   
Yep.   
  
CAMEL   
In the event of a pandemic?   
  
CHAMELEON   
Yep.   
  
CAMEL   
Are you insane?

We cut to a smash of a beer bottle. A mother protests.   
  
MOTHER   
No! JIMMY!   
  
Another smash of a beer bottle. A flip of a fair. Very dramatic. 

  
BLIND SEAL    
What’s going on?   
  
CHAMELEON   
You bitch!   
  
THE MOTHER AND THE CHAMELEON begin to bump heads.

  
CHAMELEON   
I’m going to have intercourse with your son!   
  
MOTHER   
Like hell, you will!   
  
The two begin to fight.

  
  


CHAMELEON   
What am I doing with my life?   
  
CAMEL   
You have a problem.   
  
CHAMELEON   
I compare myself to other people.

  
Another beat.   
  
CHAMELEON   
Do I sound like a-

  
CAMEL   
No, you don’t.

CHAMELEON   
I’ve said too much. 

  
CAMEL   
No, you haven’t. 

  
  


We cut to a college. 

  
CHAMELEONS brother

Now here are the buildings.

  
CAMEL   
How interesting.

  
CHAMELEON is looking into the buildings.    
  
CAMEL   
Do you think you can walk on the sidewalk?   
  
CHAMELEON   
Sorry?   
  
CAMEL   
Do you think you can ride a horse into traffic?   
  
CHAMELEON   
That sounds risky?   
  
CAMEL   
I mean what if the world replaced cars with horses?   
We cut to a building locked down. We cut to a store locked down. Everyone is wearing masks.   
  
CAMEL   
We can’t go into that building.   
  
CHAMELEON   
Aww! No shopping?   
  
CAMEL   
Since when do you shop?   
  
CHAMELEON   
Shopping is human interaction.

CAMEL   
Eh. we’ll buy it online.    
  
CHAMELEON   
That’s going to take two days!   
  
CAMEL   
It will be a quick two days.

CHAMELEONs brother gestures to the buildings.   
  
CHAMELEONS brother

Now those peers would get together, but now it's closed due to the virus. 

CHAMELEON   
How many buildings are closed?   
  
CHAMEOLEONs brother

quite a few.

  
CHAMELEON   
…

She thinks of another question. The BLIND SEAL begins to speak.   
  
BLIND SEAL   
How's your homework?   
  
CHAMELOENs brother

Pretty good. 

  
  


The CHAMELEON sits on the brick building.   
  
CHAMELEON   
Wait a minute, your mother isn’t supposed to accompany you on a college campus?   
  
The CAMEL and the Chameleon's brother begin to speak.   
  
CHAMELEON   
How was I supposed to know that was a red flag?   
  
The CAMEL and HER BROTHER continue to speak.    
  
CHAMELEON   
God!

She begins to panic. She paces back and forth. 

CHAMELEON   
-panicking-

Shit!

As a result of this, she begins to disengage. The lights grow brighter. 

The CHAMELEON says something.    
  
CHAMELEON   
Are you doing alright?   
  
CHAMELEON’s Brother

I’m doing fine.   
  
CHAMELEON   
That’s good. I have a 52-hour project.   
  
CHAMELEONs Brother

I just have to read.    
  
There is a bit of separation anxiety. She wishes she can hold her brother. Now is not the time. 

CHAMELEON   
...I miss you.

  
CHAMELEON’s brother 

… I miss you too. 

  
  


We cut to the trio walking back to Illinois.   
  
CAMEL   
Don’t start…

  
CHAMELEON   
What have I done wrong? Was I that stupid?   
  
CAMEL   
You aren’t your brother.

  
CHAMELEON   
What do I have to gain from this experience?   
  
CAMEL   
You go to college…   
  
CHAMELEON   
Don’t cuddle me!   
  
The BLIND SEAL walks down the street. The CHAMELEON picks her up. 

  
  


CHAMELEON thinks for a second.    
  
CHAMELEON   
At least I have a job.   
  
She looks at the street.   
  
CAMEL   
Are you on your period?   
  
CHAMELEON says nothing. 

CHAMELEON   
What's the point? By Monday I’ll be pissed off.   
  
She looks at the fields.    
  
CHAMELEON   
I should raise horses.   
  
CAMEL   
Horses?   
  
  


CHAMELEON   
I hate this lifestyle I’m living. I want to change.    
  
CAMEL   
How are you going to change it?   
  
CHAMELEON   
Shoveling horse shit.   
  
CAMEL   
Your grandfather can barely hear. The two of you are space cadets.   
  
CHAMELEON

Please cover me in horse shit. 

  
CAMEL   
Perhaps look-

  
CHAMELEON   
Oh, come on! I’m not that daft!

  
  
  


The moon goddess found herself anxiously waiting for her wedding dress. 

OLIVIA

Hey! Here are your dress and accessories! 

She tosses them to her. Olivia leaves the room.

  
CHAMELEON   
What the hell is going on here?   
  
JOHN   
We’re having a wedding.   
  
CHAMELEON   
No, we’re not.    
  
JOHN   
I told Dean the good news.    
  
CHAMELEON   
That you’re a lying wench?   
  
JOHN   
How dare you?   
  
CHAMELEON   
And you probably have syphilis?   
  
JOHN   
That was one time!   
  
CAMEL   
You’ve had intercourse with the enemy. I don’t think that's a forgivable offense.   
  
JOHN   
It was a quick one.   
  
CAMEL   
A quick one?   
  
JOHN   
Quick locker room sex!   
  
CAMEL   
Why are you marrying him?   
  
JOHN    
I’m cheating on him.   
  
CHAMELEON   
I knew it. You were a lesbian.   
  
JOHN   
I’m going to ignore that.   
  
CHAMELEON   
There’s a lesbian bar down the street. 

JOHN   
I told you for the last time. I am not a lesbian.   
  
CHAMELEON   
Sure. 

  
JOHN   
I’m just going to take out some life insurance.    
  
CHAMELEON   
You what now? 


	57. Chapter 57

JOHN   
I have decided to call myself LUNA

Luna smooths out the wrinkles on her dress. 

RACOON   
Luna huh?   
  
JOHN/LUNA   
Luna.   
  
RACOON   
That’s your new name huh?   
  
A beat.

  
RACOON   
It’s very pretty. Like the moon...

Roger slams the door open. His fury could no longer be contained…

He immediately bursts into tears.   
  
RACOON   
What's with you?   
  
ROGER   
I have been betrayed…

  
RACOON   
Christ LUNA. You have terrible taste in boys…

  
LUNA

Aye. I know.    
  
RACOON   
They’re all in English. Have poor teeth. Bla Bla Bla.    
  
LUNA   
I haven’t seen that before…   
  
RACOON   
Of course, they’re all the same.

  
ROGER continues to sob. RACOON tsks at this.    
  
ROGER

You could have told me that you were cured of the Youth Virus! 

RACOON   
-questioning-

Youth virus?

  
LUNA   
Youth virus. It’s not a virus. It’s more of a time-space phenomenon that was caused by time travel and sex.

RACOON shoots her a weird glance. 

  
RACOON   
Now you tell me. 

LUNA   
I think it happened at one point. Now that I’ve become god, I am immune. In hindsight, it's kind of cheating. 

  
Luna falls to her knees.

  
LUNA

It was bloody DOGs fault! He impregnated me!

  
RACOON   
Really?   
  
LUNA   
The rubbers broke!

  
RACOON   
The rubbers broke.    
  
LUNA looks at ROGER who has collapsed onto the floor. 

LUNA   
It wasn’t my fault!   
  
RACOON   
Just break it off with him.    
  
  


LUNA   
I can’t break it off.    
  
ROGER is sobbing. Curled up into a fetal position.    
  
RACOON   
Break it off or else I’m going to break your neck.   
  
LUNA   
I’m not breaking up with ROGER.   
  
RACOON realizes her mistake.   
  
RACOON   
Why are you marrying my husband?   
  
LUNA   
Because of the law!

A beat.    
  
RACOON   
I hope you sleep with one eye open. 

  
SYLVIA walks up to ROGER.   
  
SYLVIA   
What's wrong with you? Going through the red tide?   
  
ROGER makes muffled noises.    
  
SYLVIA   
Just watch out for the period monster.   
  
ROGER   
Period monster?   
  
SYLVIA 

The period monster.    
  
ROGER   
What's the period monster?

  
SYLVIA   
A period monster. The period monster is…

She thinks for a second. 

SYLVIA   
Are you feeling ok?   
  
ROGER   
Actually…

He lowers his voice.   
  
ROGER   
I’ve been experiencing…

A beat.   
  
ROGER   
No. I shouldn’t be telling you these types of things. 

  
SYLVIA

Is something wrong?   
  
ROGER swallows. 

  
ROGER   
Been experiencing spots…

SYLVIA

Spots? Where?   
  
ROGER swallows once more. 

  
ROGER   
In my underwear.   
  
SYLVIA   
Underwear.   
  
ROGER gives her a grim glance.    
  
ROGER

Hemmeriods.

SYLVIA   
Didn’t you regrow your penis?   
  
ROGER nods. 

  
  
  
  


ROGER

How could you? We were going to get married!

  
DOG   
You were going to get married to my wife?   
  
ROGER nods.   
  
DOG   
Are you insane?   
  
RACOON   
Oh, she’s your wife now?   
  
The DOG gives a swallow.   
  
DOG   
Dearest!

  
RACOON   
Don’t you dearest me!

  
DOG   
It’s…

RACOON   
Don’t you start with that bullshit!

  
DOG swallows.   
  
RACOON   
I hope you sort this out.   
  
DOG   
What out?   
  
RACOON/ROGER   
(in unison)   
The marriage!

  
DOG   
Ah right. The marriage. 

RACOON turns to ROGER.   
  
ROGER   
Are you doing alright? 

  
The SKUNK turns to the CHAMELEON. ROGER is present.   
  
ROGER   
How are you doing?   
  
SKUNK   
Me?   
  
ROGER   
How are you surviving the apocalypse?   
  


A beat.    
  
ROGER   
Your grinning. Did something happen today?   
  
SKUNK   
I went out with a group of activists.   
  
ROGER   
Good! Good!

  
  


SKUNK   
There’s nothing that pleases me than the socialist ideal.   
  
ROGER leaves. The SKUNK turns to the CHAMELEON. The RACOON enters. 

  
SKUNK   
I don’t think it’s going to work…

  
CHAMELEON

Why not? I was adopted, wasn’t I?

  
RACOON   
You're here. That’s all that matters.    
  
A beat.   
  
RACOON   
Your angry aren’t you?   
  
SKUNK   
Angry? Yes.

  
RACOON   
Why?   
  
SKUNK   
I’ve written screenplays. But a play?   
  
RACOON   
What?   
  
SKUNK   
Haven’t I done enough?   
  


RACOON

Let's focus on surviving.    
  
SKUNK   
How am I going to survive in the wilderness?   
  
RACOON   
You’ve done a lot given your situation. 

SKUNK   
I feel like I haven’t done enough?

  
  
RACOON turns to the two characters. 

RACOON   
Have I told you about the period monster?   
  
SKUNK   
The period monster?   
  
RACOON   
THE PERIOD MONSTER.   
  
SKUNK   
THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS THE PERIOD MONSTER. 

  
RACOON   
THE PERIOD MONSTER IS REAL.

  
SKUNK   
Oh my god!   
  
RACOON   
I’m telling you. The period monster does exist.

A scream cuts off the RACOON.    
  
RACOON   
Run.   
  
SKUNK   
Excuse me?   
  
RACOON   
Just Run.   
  
The SKUNK and the CHAMELEON begin to take off. We cut to ROGER who is howling.    
  
CHAMELEON   
What’s going on?   
  
RACOON   
Just go!   
  
The two begin to dash. ROGER limps after them.    
  
ROGER   
You-you promised…

RACOON   
Keep going!   
  
CHAMELEON does not look back.   
  
ROGER   
S-s-

His body begins to transform. A small wound blisters into a small phallic shape.    
  
ROGER   
Come back!

He tries to hold her. The CHAMELEON pulls the SKUNK along. A trail of blood follows them.    
  
RACOON   
Keep going!   
  
ROGER   
S-s-s

The CHAMELEON grabs the blind girl's hand. 

BLIND GIRL   
What’s going on?   
  
CHAMELEON   
The PERIOD MONSTER!   
  
The Trio begins to run into the woods. Manically. In a fit of survival. From within the wound, blood gushes from the wound. A failure from the Daemens part.   
  
ROGER   
You promised me!

  
CHAMELEON   
Don’t look back!   
  
The trio race inside the forest. Stumbling. Fumbling.grunting. 

SKUNK   
I think I know a place!

The blind girl turns around trying to find her place. 

  
  


SKUNK   
Remember boys and girls the only way to revolution is through action.   
  
CHAMELEON   
You might say that.    
  
She shrugs.

  
CHAMELEON   
At the end of the day… we’ll be napping in the dirt.   
  
SKUNK   
We’ll be punks.   
  
CHAMELEON   
Born through the pain. As I say. 

  
SKUNK   
And live through the pain.    
  
CHAMELEON 

Don’t say that. 

CHAMELEON finds herself at the gas station. She orders some medication.   
  
CHAMELEON   
Shouldn’t we be worried about the period monster?   
  
SKUNK   
Uhh…

ROGER is trying not to cry.   
  
SKUNK   
I don’t think so.   
  
ROGER   
I’m fine.    
  
SKUNK   
You're getting blood on your pants.    
  
ROGER   
Blood?   
  
  


SKUNK   
Blood.Your bleeding.   
  
ROGER bites his lip.ROGER begins to ruffle through bags of produce. 

  
ROGER   
I’m fine.   
  
She begins to weep. Bites her lip. 

  
ROGER   
My stomach is hurting.

Tears rush to her eyes. ROGER grabs some tampons. 

  
SKUNK 

Are you sure about that? 

  
ROGER 

I am experiencing some heavy clotting.    
  
SKUNK hands her some tampons. 

ROGER   
Thank you.   
  
SKUNK

No problem.    
  
ROGER is feeling somewhat merciful today. She rushes offscreen.   
  
CHAMELEON   
Hang on a second.    
  
SKUNK   
What is it?   
  
CHAMELEON   
What happened to us?   
  
SKUNK   
What do you mean?   
  
CHAMELEON   
We’re creators, right?   
  
  


SKUNK   
No, we’re survivors.

A beat.    
  
CHAMELEON   
Do you remember the roads of colorado? Just being there in the moment, and writing not giving a care in the world?

  
SKUNK   
We’re not allowed to not care.   
  
CHAMELEON   
Don’t you think its a bit silly we’re expected to contort ourselves like putty?

  
SKUNK   
Silly?

  
CHAMELEON   
Next thing you know you living a boring 9 to 5 job conforming to the rules of our peers.    
  
SKUNK   
You think so? 

CHAMELEON   
What is the point of creativity? What is originality?   
  
She thinks for a second.   
  
CHAMELEON   
You can’t just write something down and say I was inspired by a coked-up seventy-year-old musician from north London! That's not creative! That’s slavery! That’s conformity! You're conforming!

  
Another beat.   
  
CHAMELEON   
You can’t just sing a song telling people to feel better! You have to sing a song full of emotion! Pain! 

Another beat.   
  
CHAMELEON   
What are your hopes? Dreams after this?   
  
SKUNK   
I want to go to the movie theatre.

  
CHAMELEON   
You’ve done something today, haven’t you? You can’t conform! 

SKUNK   
I want to be an arthouse director!   
  
CHAMELEON   
Louder!   
  
SKUNK   
I want to be an anarchist! I’ve built up walls!   
  
CHAMELEON nods at this. 

SKUNK   
I want to destroy those walls!   
  
CHAMELEON   
Good!   
  
SKUNK turns around. She holds the CHAMELONs medication in her paw. 

SKUNK   
What am I doing?   
  
CHAMELEON   
Conforming.    
  
SKUNK   
That's impossible!   
  
CHAMELEON   
You’ve got to break those rules. 

SKUNK   
How?   
  
CHAMELEON   
Just break them. Like sticks. 

  
THE SKUNK and the BLIND GIRL look at her as if she has gotten completely insane. 

CAMEL approaches them. 

  
CAMEL   
Every time I hear the phrase get up I remind myself that at least I don’t work in a factory. 

  
The SKUNK is holding the medication.   
  
SKUNK   
You're awful.   
  
CAMEL   
Rog is on her period, isn’t she?   
  
The SKUNK nods.   
  
CAMEL   
Oh, that's wonderful. Roger is on her period.   
  
THE SKUNK shivers in the September breeze. 

  
CAMEL   
First its menstruation. Soon it’ll be listening to covers of music from the late 50s. Then it’ll be shaving badgers. Or was it-

He snatches the medication from the SKUNK.   
  


CAMEL   
I’ve forgotten it. Next, it will be supporting a drone strike in good knowswhere. Then the slaughtering of several ingenious people.    
  
He bites into an apple.    
  


CAMEL   
You haven’t changed a bit. Still a schoolgirl I see. 

  
SKUNK   
Let's go home. I’m getting pretty exhausted.   
  
CAMEL laughs at this. 

  
CAMEL   
A little school girl aren’t we? 


	58. Chapter 58

LUNA   
Roger is something alright?

  
ROGER   
-screeches-

LUNA   
Wading through the red tide I see.    
  
ROGER   
-continues to screech-

  
LUNA   
Do you need anything?

  
ROGER

-sobbing-   
I don’t know maybe it’s the fact that blood is gushing out of my-

A truck honks cutting her off. 

  
  
  


LUNA   
you look depressed. 

  
ROGER   
Maybe it’s the fact that my ovaries are bleeding?   
  
ROGER begins to sob.

  
LUNA   
How are you going to fight now?   
  
ROGER   
I can’t! I can’t go outside!   
  
LUNA   
Oh right, the sun.   
  
ROGER   
I can’t let anyone see me like this. 

  
  
  
  


LUNA   
Aw. poor jilted lover! I know what we can do in this situation! We can throw a massive party on the bus!

  
ROGER   
In the middle of a pandemic?   
  
LUNA   
I-

She briefly pauses. 

  
LUNA   
Now that you think about it having a party in the middle of a pandemic isn’t very smart.

  
ROGER   
Do you think?   
  
LUNA   
Not a party person?   
  
ROGER   
Nope. 

  
LUNA   
That’s odd. You’d think you’d be a party.

  
ROGER   
I hate parties.   
  
SYLVIA   
Me too.   
  


ROGER   
Shocker. You don’t like parties?   
  
SYLVIA   
Nope. 

ROGER awkwardly glances at this. 

  
  
  
  
  


ROMAN SOLDIER

Mittent pars possumus?

***We can throw a party?***

SYLVIA is briefly slapped.

  
SYLVIA   
Ouch!   
  
LUNA   
You don’t even know Latin you dingus!

  
SYLVIA   
I’m teaching myself Japanese!

  
LUNA   
You just butchered the Latin language!   
  
SYLVIA   
What do you know about Latin?   
  
LUNA   
I know a lot of people who would be disappointed in that sentence. 

LUNA   
Nihil!

She gives a shake of her head. She bops SYLVIA again.

  
LUNA   
Nihil!

  
ROMAN SOLDIER

quomodo possumus mittent pars in bus? 

  
LUNA   
I’m very disappointed in you. 

  
SYLVIA   
Oh, you? disappointed?

  
LUNA   
That’s not a real sentence in Latin!   
  
SYLVIA   
How do I know Latin?

LUNA   
You don’t!   
  
SYLVIA

I will butcher the Latin language!   
  
LUNA   
Like infernum you will!   
  
SYLVIA   
Oh *infernum* big words.    
  
LUNA   
Please stop trying to speak Latin!   
  
SYLVIA scowls at this.   
  
SYLVIA   
Infernum. 

  
LUNA   
Sylvia, Latin is a language that…

  
LUNA groans at this.

SYLVIA   
Now I’m pissed.   
  
LUNA walks away.

  
SYLVIA   
If my father had paid attention to me more I would have done greater things.   
  
SYLVIA looks at LUNA.

  
SYLVIA   
What has become of me? I sit at the desk… expecting to fill the mold.    
  
She thinks for a second.    
  
SYLVIA   
No. they want a happy story of inspiration. They want to know my weaknesses.

  
SYLVIA thinks for a second.   
  
SYLVIA   
Is it my mother who overstepped my boundaries? 

A skunk walks onscreen.   
  
SKUNK   
Is it my fault?    
  
SKUNK thinks for a moment.   
  
SKUNK

What am I waiting for? The right song?   
  
SKUNK looks at Sylvia.   
  
SKUNK   
What do I want? I’m in pain, aren’t I?   
  
SYLVIA 

It isn’t my fault…   
  
SKUNK   
In a few moments, it won’t matter…

She looks at SYLVIA. She faces the camera.   
  
SKUNK   
Who do I blame? Myself?   
  
SYLVIA   
Is it my mother who never gave me a chance?   
  
SKUNK   
Or did I never give myself the chance?   
  
SYLVIA   
I will never escape this prison I’ve made.   
  
SKUNK   
I’ve got to keep going. Even if it kills me.    
  
SYLVIA   
Was I born broken? Why does my mother hate me so?   
  
SKUNK   
No. Don’t say that.

  
SYLVIA   
But I was born broken.

  
SKUNK   
That's what your brain says.   
  
SYLVIA   
All everyone wants to hear is a condensed story. They want me to seek a higher power. Nobody wants to hear about my pain. 

  
SKUNK   
That may be true. 

SYLVIA thinks for a second.    
  
SYLVIA

What if I teach myself to drive?   
  
SKUNK   
I’ll never learn how to drive.    
  
SYLVIA   
Don’t say that…


	59. Chapter 59

SKUNK   
We can’t teleport.   
  
OLIVIA 

That settles it! We need to take our minds off the terrible events that happened in the last 44 hours.

  
SKUNK   
What happened?   
  
OLIVIA

You just got chased down by a monster.    
  
SKUNK   
Are you thinking what I’m thinking?   
  
OLVIA   
Dance party in the pandemic?

SKUNK   
Doesn’t that sound like a bad idea?    
  
OLIVIA shakes her head in confusion.

Partygoer

Hey! This is going to be one heck of a party!   
  
OLIVIA

Who said anything about a party?   
  
THE SKUNK glares at her.   
  
OLIVIA   
We’re not going to have a party.   
  
The party walks off.   
  
OLIVIA   
Virgin.   
  
SKUNK   
Just want to keep everyone healthy. 

  
  


Olivia starts to dance to the loud music pouring from the radio. She fails to notice the wail of the tornado siren. The hail pounds the window. Someone's phone buzzes. 

  
Partygoer

Twister!   
  
OLIVIA   
Twister.

  
PARTYGOER   
Let’s go. 

  
OLIVIA

We can’t go.

  
PARTYGOER

C’mon. 

OLIVIA   
Doesn’t look that bad...

Smash cut to black. Fade out to the wail of the sirens. 

We cut to the trio armed with little weapons. 

Chameleon

What time is it? 

  
SKUNK   
I forgot…

  
The BLIND GIRL is leading. 

  
SKUNK   
Aren’t you scared?   
  
BLIND GIRL   
...no.

  
She walks around. She listens.    
  
BLIND GIRL   
Safe.

  
SKUNK   
Are you sure?   
  
BLIND GIRL   
You tell me. 

SKUNK   
…

  
THE BLIND GIRL listens. She is quiet.   
  
BLIND GIRL   
Hang on.

  
SKUNK   
Is there a danger?   
  
BLIND GIRL continues to listen.   
  
SKUNK   
Hello?   
  
BLIND GIRL

Quiet!

  
Complete silence. The two continue.   
  
BLIND GIRL   
How are you holding up?   
  
SKUNK   
I am about three seconds from throwing something.   
  
BLIND GIRL   
Oh?   
  
Another beat. 

  
SKUNK   
I won’t throw anything at you.    
  
BLIND GIRL   
Please don’t. 

  
SKUNK   
I promise. 

  
BLIND GIRL   
Is the school in session?   
  
  


SKUNK

No. I don’t think so.   
  
The two stop at a gate. The BLIND GIRL climbs over the fence. The two see Isaac muttering to herself. 

Isaac clings to her child.   
  
ISAAC   
I’m not going to be my father.   
  
She coddles the baby. Almost suffocating him.

ISAAC 

Christ…

  
She suffocatingly holds onto the child.

  
ISAAC   
I’m never going to let you out of my sight. 

The trio walks through the house. 

  
  


BLIND GIRL

I can’t wait to conquer the world!

  
SKUNK   
Hush. Child. No world-conquering will happen today.

  
BLIND GIRL    
What do you think that was like? Isaacs life?

  
The SKUNK   
The lady in front of us said that ISAAC has some issue-

She cuts herself off.    
  
BLIND GIRL   
What do you want out of your life?   
  
SKUNK   
I-I

  
BLIND GIRL leads her along the forest path. 

BLIND GIRL   
I want to hear a story.    
  
SKUNK 

No, you don’t.

  
ISAAC has followed them. She has become attached to the child.    
  
ISAAC   
I’m going to conquer this dimension. 

As soon as she speaks, the doorbell rings. DAEMEN/ISAAC has reached full maturity. 

  
OFFICER   
Is this your daughter?

Isaac freezes in her tracks. DAEMEN is acting the part of the concerned parent. 

DAEMEN/ISAAC   
My daughter is inside.    
  
OFFICERs let themselves in. 

  
  


ISAAC has not nurtured DAEMEN. DAEMEN clings nearby. A carbon copy of her mother. She has grown quite obese. 

  
DAEMEN   
Mother!   
  
ISAAC   
I don’t know what to do with you.

  
DAEMEN   
You never let me do anything!   
  
ISAAC   
Now that’s bullshit. 

  
DAEMEN   
At least I’m leaving the household!   
  
ISAAC   
I’m coming with you.   
  
DAEMEN   
Like hell, you will. 

We cut to an office. Post-apocalyptic. A young version of ROGER approaches.   
  
ROGER   
All I’m saying is that the system is bullying people from day one.    
  
PEGGY   
It isn’t fair.    
  
ROGER   
Surely a bit of independence?   
  
PEGGY   
From what?   
  
ROGER   
The mother's teat.

  
PEGGY   
And how have you done that?   
  
ROGER   
Drove myself to Beirut.

PEGGY   
Beirut! I went to Montana.

  
ROGER   
I’d say your independent.   
  
PEGGY   
Independent?   
  
ROGER   
You bring food. 

PEGGY   
How do I drive myself to Beirut?   
  
ROGER   
You just need a permit. 

  
PEGGY   
-laughing-

I don’t need a permit.

  
ROGER   
That’s because you have wings. 

ISAAC couldn’t keep herself from crying. Her precious curls fell to the floor, as the scissors click behind her shoulders. Midnight black curls that used to accompany her now grow limp and weak.

  
CAMEL   
Let me get this straight. Did you let a 28-year-old woman into a highschool?   
  
LUNA   
It made sense at the time.    
  
CAMEL   
She’s having an episode.

  
LUNA   
It made perfect sense. 

CAMEL   
Why does that sound familiar?   
  
LUNA   
I have no idea. 

Upon arrival at the “Military academy,” she is stripped of her sweater.

  
SECRETARY   
I need you to go to the nurse's office.   
  
ISAAC   
Erm. The nurse's office?   
  
SECRETARY   
The nurse's office. Are you daft or something? 

The two women take her to the front office where she is told to go to the nurse's office. 

SECRETARY    
Biological sex?   
  
ISAAC   
Male.

  
SECRETARY   
Nice try. You’re not going into hard labor. 

She doesn’t need to worry about her chest being revealed as she is still flat as aboard. 

The clicking becomes rhythmic as she ponders what had happened- 

Isaac sits down on the cream-colored bed. The head nurse pulls out the ugly square-shaped basin. Her eyes widen.

  
ISAAC   
What are you going to do?

SECRETARY   
Just hold still sweetie.   
  


clumps of black curly hair lay on the black and white tile floor. Her poor curls! 

  
ISAAC

-sobs-

  
SECRETARY   
That's how it usually is.

  
  


Secretary

You are no longer a person with feelings. To become a soldier is to learn how to kill without feeling guilty.

The razor nips at her ear. The nurse places the scissors on the metallic bin. 

Isaac can barely look at her reflection. THE HEAD NURSE bursts into the room. 

THE HEAD NURSE   
Quit crying! Your tears will do no good here!   
  


She continues to shave Isaac’s head.

HEAD NURSE   
You’ve got head lice. 

ISAAC continues to sob. 

  
  
  
  


To insult her injury she was given a gray sweater and a navy skirt with black tights gripping her thighs. There were no feminine or masculine girls at the school. They were one gender. Their hair was trimmed to their ears, tights miserably hugging the accompanying navy skirts.

SKUNK   
Am I on mushrooms?

  
BLIND SEAL   
Probably.

  
SKUNK   
Christ. I’m on mushrooms.

  
BLIND SEAL

You are. 

  
The soldiers did not hold heavy backpacks. Instead, they held flat purses.

  
BLIND SEAL   
That doesn’t make sense.

  
SKUNK   
What doesn’t?   
  
BLIND SEAL   
Who brings small purses to a school?   
  
ROGER   
So this is an American high school. 

  
BLIND SEAL   
...ROGER what are you doing here?

ROGER   
In the middle of a pandemic?   
  
BLIND SEAL   
We’re still in a pandemic?

To the student body, Isaac was homeless.

  
BLIND SEAL   
Right. This doesn’t make sense.    
  
SKUNK   
How do they know she’s homeless?   
  
BLIND SEAL   
The student body shouldn’t be that cruel.   
  
SKUNK   
She’s 28. She’ll figure it out. 

BLIND SEAL   
How do you know she’s 28? 

She lacks a backpack or a purse which made her unpopular with the student body. 

SKUNK   
How dare you not conform to the feminine standards of beauty. 

  
  


She has an odd accent, which caused her to slur, making her sound drunk. 

SKUNK   
That's racist against the British?   
  
BLIND SEAL   
What are we doing here?   
  
SKUNK   
We’re in a parallel dimension stupid.    
  
BLIND SEAL   
Finding temporary housing?   
  
SKUNK   
We’re finding temporary housing. 

  
BLIND SEAL   
Why is everything so complicated? 

  
  
  


Isaac soon learns that the walks down the hallway began to become death walks. It takes great strength to pull her legs to move. 

  
BLIND SEAL   
I’m going to drug the school water supply with medication.    
  
SKUNK   
She’s *special*!   
  
CHAMELEON   
Where are you going with the medication?   
  
BLIND SEAL   
I’m going to drug everyone who claims to be on the spectrum without actual evidence with government-mandated stimulants. 

  
She shakes the bottle of stimulants. 

  
SKUNK   
That's illegal?   
  
BLIND SEAL   
So is taking children of illegal immigrants. 

She is given a meager plastic bag, which rips. The class roars into laughter.

  
ISAAC   
I’ll make you all sorry!   
  
The teacher hands her a giant backpack. No one is concerned with the fact that she is a 28-year-old woman. We cut to a hallway. 

  
SKUNK   
I had a nightmare about this.   
  
BLIND SEAL   
About going to school?   
  
SKUNK   
I’ve graduated from high school. Why am I getting nightmares about being in school still?   
  
BLIND SEAL   
I think that’s normal.   
  
SKUNK   
Is it?

As a dare, some of the girls pretend to be nice to ISAAC. They came up to her.

GIRL ONE

Hey, you’ve got something on your face. 

ISAAC   
Where?   
  


The minute she looks down at her skirt, one of her ‘friends’ pulls it down exposing her white bloomers. Even during the weeks when she bled, it’s hysterical to see the poop stain that formed underneath her butt.

One of the girls throws a tampon at her.    
  
ISAAC   
_screams_   
  
GIRL    
YOU NEED MORE TAMPONS?

  
She throws more tampons at ISAAC. 

  
  


Military school is unpleasant. Wake up-time was around 6 a.m, and class starts at seven-thirty. Most of the students are still asleep at this time. 

Here we have the beginning of the influencer. It starts with one comment. Then two more. Just play the rules. Stare into the camera

  
ISAAC

Hey guys!   
  
Comments flow in. Start drama.    
  
ISAAC   
I’m so shy.

  
Bashful playing. Blinking. 

  
ISAAC   
There are two sides to the story. 

  
  


  
  
Act like an animal. Whore yourself out. Beg.    
  
ISAAC   
It’s not my fault!   
  
Power grows. Like a social ladder. Your climbing this social ladder. You have this powerful need.    
  
ISAAC   
Stop attacking me!   
  
The peers are her subjects. LUNA tries to intervene with the fighting. ISAAC scratches her on the cheek. 

  
ISAAC   
-sobbing-

I’m so depressed!

  
The movement is rather erratic. The peers come to her aid. She is the queen. Pulling in the likes. She is this social butterfly. 

  
  


The CAMEL arrives in the room. When he arrives at his first-class Bullying 101, most of the students are still asleep or Snapchatting. Or screwing around on their computers. 

ISAAC of course is surrounded by her loyal followers. Like a queen bee surrounded by her hive. 

  
THE CAMEL is unable to afford a computer. He slams a book on a desk. He puts his head onto the desk. The TEACHER prods him awake.

  
TEACHER   
Falling asleep, are we?   
  
CAMEL   
No sir. 

  
TEACHER 

You should get more sleep.    
  
CAMEL sighs to himself. 

  
  


ROGER   
You don’t beat us with canes?

  
SKUNK   
You were beaten with canes?   
  
BLIND SEAL   
If I was beaten with a cane, my mother would have risen hell…

  
ROGER   
This is America?   
  
SKUNK   
Did you transfer here or something?

ROGER   
afraid so.   
  
SKUNK   
You ok? You look a little green around the gills. 

  
ROGER   
You speak metaphors.    
  
SKUNK   
Of course, I do.    
  
CHAMELEON   
Wait they still use corporal punishment? I thought that was only in rol dal books!

  
ROGER   
Are you ok?   
  
SKUNK   
She’s American.

BLIND SEAL   
Alright, I’ve drugged the water supply with the medication. We just have to pretend to be students. 

  
ROGER   
I’m fine. Hang on a second.   
  
ROGER   
What class is this again?   
  
  


Bullying 101 was a history of the variations and history of bullying.

MRS.RUSSO

Today's lesson is giving a swirly, But first I have to give you a new term; and dangerous nerd. These types of nerds are very common- 

She is cut off.

  
CHARLIE, another peer, appears to be on fire. 

  
MRS.RUSSO

Charlie, why are you frantically waving your hand as if you’re butt was set on fire?

Charlie’s rear end is indeed on fire. She is trying to notify the teacher. 

  
  
  


Mrs. Russo, can I go to the nurse, my rear seems to inexplicably catch on fire? 

Mrs. Russo gives her a sweet smile 

  
MRS.RUSSO

Charlie put your hand down, this is not an emergency.

  
CHARLIE   
  
please? My butt’s aflame and I need to cool it off before the fire alarm goes off...

As soon as she says those words, the alarm indeed goes off. Isaac is not familiar with the flashing box or the ear-splitting noise it produces. 

  
ROGER   
Oh. A fire alarm.    
  
SKUNK   
I hate those…

  
ROGER   
Eh.   
  
SKUNK   
I thought that everyone had that reaction to the fire alarm. 

At that moment she became afraid of the flashing box.

She reacts as though she was going to die. The flashing lights become overwhelming to the point where her senses are pulled to an extreme. 

The teacher slaps her book closed. She glares at Charlie in annoyance.

  
MRS. RUSSO 

Now Charlie, stop making a huge fuss about being on fire. 

CHARLIE   
I’m going to head off to the dormitory.   
  
ROGER   
I don’t think that's a good idea!   
  
CHARLIE   
Why not?   
  
ROGER   
Remember. Stop drop and roll…   
  
ROGER stops thinking for a second.    
  
ROGER   
I forgot. 

SKUNK   
Did you forget?

  
She rolls her eyes. Charlie leaves the room. 

ROGER   
That’s stupid.    
  
SKUNK   
Charlie is a fatality.

  
BLIND GIRL   
RIP CHARLIE.

  
ROGER   
Why would you go to the dormitories? 

  
SKUNK   
I don’t know.   
  
ROGER   
There has to be a point!   
  
SKUNK   
I’ve had a long day.   
  
Everyone leaves the classroom. Cut to black. 


	60. Chapter 60

RACOON waits in the basement. 

  
RACOON   
What did I do this time?   
  
DOG   
Did you do something?   
  
RACOON   
Does it feel like I did something wrong?   
  
DOG   
I’m sure its nothing. 

  
RACOON   
I’m going to fail. I know it.    
  
DOG   
Stressed out?   
  
RACOON   
Stressed out? I? 

DOG   
You’re experiencing stress.   
  
RACOON   
I’ve ruined it.   
  
DOG   
What have you ruined?   
  
RACOON   
No one gets it.   
  
DOG   
I don’t understand…   
  
RACOON   
I ruin relationships!

  
The RACOON tosses a dart at aboard.   
  
DOG   
Ruin relationships?   
  
RACOON   
No one likes me!

  
DOG tosses another dart at the board.

  
DOG   
Did you do something?   
  
RACOON   
I proposed to the wrong guy!   
  
DOG   
Was he cute?   
  
RACOON   
No! I’ve butchered it!   
  
DOG   
How have you butchered it?   
  
RACOON   
There's a guy in my group who likes me…

A beat.

RACOON

… I know it. 

  
DOG   
Ah, boy trouble.   
  
RACOON   
I’m not supposed to be sexually attracted to anyone!   
  
She throws another dart at the board.   
  
RACOON   
It's like I’m abandoned!   
  
She throws a third dart in the basement.

  
DOG   
That’s terrible.

  
RACOON puts the darts down.   
  
DOG   
Did you have a bad day? 

RACOON   
...possibly.   
  
She takes a drink.   
  
RACOON   
Do you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to throw myself out the window. I’m going to scratch myself so hard…   
  
DOG   
A kid is watching.   
  
RACOON   
Hm?   
  
A small child watches the two.   
  
DOG   
Hey…

  
SMALL CHILD   
Are you cutting again?   
  
RACOON   
No. no.

  
The small child leaves.   
  
RACOON   
I’m  _ scratching _ . Not cutting. 

She takes another drink.   
  
RACOON   
Twat.

  
DOG   
You don’t understand stress, do you?   
  
RACOON sets her drink down.   
  
RACOON   
No. 

DOG   
This is hell. 

  
RACOON   
You telling me?   
  
DOG   
We’re literally in hell.   
  
RACOON   
Ah.    
  
DOG gestures to the small child.    
  
RACOON   
Shit. 

  
DOG   
What is he going to do about it?   
  
RACOON   
Pipsqueak. 

DOG

What are you doing?   
  
RACOON   
Not sleeping. 

DOG   
You should be sleeping.   
  
RACOON   
What's the point of sleeping?   
  
DOG   
That's not healthy.   
  
RACOON

Of course, it isn’t.

  
DOG

Why do you do it?

  
RACOON   
I see no point in sleeping.   
  
DOG   
There's got to be a point of sleeping.   
  
RACOON   
I’m terrified of sleeping.   
  
DOG   
It’s sort of like dying isn’t it?   
  
RACOON   
Dying?   
  
She sips her drink.   
  
DOG   
It is.   
  
RACOON   
I’m afraid of dying.   
  
DOG   
You're young.   
  
RACOON   
I don’t feel young.   
  
  


DOG   
You don’t?

RACOON   
I’m only 20.   
  
DOG   
20 huh?   
  
RACOON   
20.

DOG   
That’s not very old…

  
RACOON   
…

She takes a sip.

DOG   
Aren’t you tired?   
  
RACOON   
Why would I be? 

  
DOG   
What are you afraid of?   
  
RACOON   
I’m afraid of unleashing the monster.

  
DOG   
-begins to laugh-

RACOON   
What's so funny?   
  
DOG continues to laugh.   
  
DOG   
You're funny.   
  
RACOON scoffs at this. 

  
  


  
RACOON   
What's the point of sleeping?   
  
DOG   
It's good for you?   
  
RACOON   
I want to sleep. I just can’t find myself sleeping. 

  
DOG   
Are you stressed out about anything else?   
  
RACOON   
Class.   
  
DOG   
Class?   
  
RACOON   
I did all the work. I’m not going to survive this semester.

**************************************************************


	61. Chapter 61

CHAMELEON

I overslept.

She vomits.

  
SKUNK   
virus?   
  
CHAMELEON   
No. Anxiety.

  
SKUNK   
You're not sick?   
  
CHAMELEON   
No. Just unprepared.

  
SKUNK   
Are you sure you're not sick?   
  
CHAMELEON   
Quit raising my anxiety levels.

SKUNK   
Come on!   
  
ISAAC stands on top of a rock. It has begun snowing. 

TEACHER   
I don’t care if you're the queen of England! You don’t plug your ears in during a fire drill!   
  
ISAAC   
I don’t understand why SAM gets away with it!   
  
TEACHER   
This has nothing to do with SAM!   
  
ISAAC   
You just want me to stay quiet, don’t you?   
  
TEACHER   
…

ISAAC   
It’s because SAM’s a boy, isn’t it?

TEACHER   
SAM is sensitive to these types of things. 

  
ISAAC   
You let him get away with murder!   
  
TEACHER   
It’s not very acceptable!   
  
ISAAC   
It’s because I’m a girl, isn’t it?   
  
TEACHER   
No.

  
ISAAC   
It is!

The RACOON gives a tug to the SKUNK.   
  
SKUNK   
What is it?   
  
RACOON   
We should go?   
  
ROGER   
Leave? Why?   
  
RACOON   
…

She looks at him.

  
RACOON   
Your infected aren’t you?   
  
She takes a step back.   
  
RACOON   
You're infected!   
  
ROGER   
What are you talking about?   
  
RACOON   
Corporal punishment is outlawed in England.   
  
ROGER   
I’m a millennial!   
  
RACOON   
Are you trying to kill us?   
  
Her heart is racing.    
  
RACOON   
Infected!   
  
She grabs the trio of characters.   
  
RACOON   
Come on! We’ve got to hit the road!   
  
SKUNK   
What’s wrong with you?   
  
RACOON   
He’s infected!   
  
ROGER   
Now you're acting crazy!   
RACOON’s heart begins to race. Everyone has their attention on the raccoon. She begins to breathe somewhat erratically. Her body is experiencing an anxiety attack. 

RACOON   
God. Why does the world feel like its spinning?   
  
She stumbles in the snow.    
  
RACOON   
I can’t take it anymore!   
  
She attempts to grab the skunk.

  
RACOON   
-wheezing-

Tears rush to her face.   
  
RACOON   
I quit! I’ve had it!

She fumbles around some more. The lights begin to dim. She collapses into the snow. 


	62. Chapter 62

LUNA

Where is everyone?

The aisles are clear. No one is in the pews. 

  
LUNA

Oh, come on. 

The DOG emerges from a curtain. DOG

Wait, did no one seriously come?”

DOG   
I thought you didn’t want to get married?   
  
LUNA   
I don’t!   
  
DOG   
Does the plot devise?

  
LUNA   
No! We have to get married or else I turn into a giant bird!   
  
  
  
DOG   
You what now?    
  


LUNA does not pay attention to him. 

DOG 

Ah well, the wedding is ruined.

LUNA

this isn’t happening! 

  
DOG   
Welp, time to leave. 

He turns to leave. LUNA moans to herself. 

DOG   
Is that a sexual moan?

LUNA does not pay attention to him. 

LUNA

This wedding shall commence! 

DOG   
Let me get the wedding ring…

He trips and falls. Luna is growing impatient, tapping her foot. 

DOG   
Here we are!   
  
He produces a golden ring with a diamond in the middle of the circle. The FBI crash into the chapel.   
  
FBI agent

Freeze! FBI!   
  
DOG   
Oh no, did someone tip off the federal agents about getting married to an unregistered citizen? Oops. 

  
LUNA shoots him a death glare. She does not notice the ring that has found its way into the floorboards. 

Luna glances at the floorboards. she begins to change before the dog's eyes. Fur rips out of her arms and legs. Her wedding dress tears as her arms and legs matched that of a lion. She resembles a mixture of a chimera and a lion. ROGER stands close by. As does Sylvia. She takes a deep inhale. 

ROGER the horse is slowly smirking at DOG. We cut back to SYLVIA who is attempting to swallow her emotions. In an attempt to self soothe, she begins to mutter a phrase over and over again. 

  
SYLVIA   
-panicking-

All these squares make a circle. All these squares make a circle. All these squares make a circle. All these squares make a circle. 

ROGER is smirking at DOG staring at his wife who has become a monster. 

SYLVIA

-to self-

What am I doing? What Am I doing?

A fox walks onscreen. He is covered in a leotard.   
  
ROGER   
What are you doing?   
  
DOG   
Excuse me?   
  
ROGER begins to attack him verbally.   
  
ROGER   
Don’t you have any shame?   
  
DOG   
Did I do something?   
  
ROGER proceeds to lecture him.    
  
ROGER   
You did something wrong you prick.    
  
DOG   
That’s uncalled for.

DOG stares at her fiance. SYLVIA begins to grow frantic.   
  
CAT   
Did something happen today?   
  
SYLVIA   
I can’t help but wonder if we’re slaves of our creation?   
  
CAT   
Hard day?   
  
SYLVIA   
I just have a lot of assignments.

  
CAT   
Sounds reasonable.   
  
SYLVIA   
I just feel like a zombie…

A CAT

A zombie?

  
THE CAT laughs. 

SYLVIA   
I-I   
  
She spits into the ground.    
  
SYLVIA   
Are you cunting kidding me?   
  
CAT   
That's a new one!   
  
SYLVIA   
I blame watching “exorcist.” 

CAT

When did you watch the exorcist?   
  
SYLVIA   
I was sixteen. 

  
CAT   
Where did you hear that language?   
  
  


SYLVIA   
There's a scene where the girl turns her head and asks do you know what your ****ing daughter did?

  
CAT looks at her.   
  
CAT   
Chickening out, are we?   
  
SYLVIA   
What?   
  
CAT   
I said, chickening out, are we?   
  
SYLVIA   
Chickening out?   
  
CAT   
Come on Sylvia. How do you feel?

SYLVIA   
Rage.   
  
CAT   
Rage?   
  
SYLVIA nods at this.   
  
CAT   
What did that look like?   
  
SYLVIA

I just thought of the word cunt repeatedly.   
  
CAT   
Do you think it is due to stress?   
  
SYLVIA   
How the cunt should I know?   
  


The cat laughs at this.   
  
SYLVIA   
God, what a cunt. 

  
  
  


The cat laughs at this.   
  
SYLVIA 

Such a cunt. 

CAT   
Stop saying that!   
  
SYLVIA begins to rage.    
  
SYLVIA   
Cunt! Fucking cunt!

She takes off her jacket. ROGER continues to rant and rave at the DOG.

  
SYLVIA   
Cunt. cunt. Cunt. cunt. Cunt. cunt. Cunt. cunt. Cunt. fucking cunt!   
  
She takes out an earring.

  
SYLVIA   
ROGER. Come over here you…

SYLVIA

-somewhat explosively-

CUNT!   
  
CAT   
Fantastic. Earthly rage.

She walks offscreen.   
  
ROGER   
What did you call me?    
  
The ground begins to shake. ISAAC begins to run. 

  
SYLVIA   
-choking-

Come over here you product of incest!

Full-blown rage. In the background, a siren begins to wail. 

ROGER   
Is that the best you can do?   
  
SYLVIA stomps on the ground.    
  
ROGER takes a step forward. He begins to froth at the mouth... The music is off. 

  
SYLVIA   
-mocking roger-

Is that the best you can do?   
  
ROGER is not taken aback by this. SYLVIA is engulfed by rage. It is a fire that cannot be ignited. 

  
SYLVIA   
What are you gonna do about it you cunt?   
  
ROGER   
-smirking-

Cunt huh?   
  
His words are drenched with poison. 

  
SYLVIA   
Where have I seen it all before?   
  
She attempts another attack. ROGER is briefly shocked. 

Kendra and Deacon stare down at the monstrosity. 

  
HANDMAIDEN

DOG, use your fingers to change the monster into a canary!

  
DOG

What?

  
  


The HANDMAIDEN stares at him.

Use your fingers as if you were mimicking a bird.    
  
DOG folds his fingers. He flips them up and down. The monster slowly morphs back into his wife. 

DOG

I cast you out, and bind you into a canary form!

LUNA   
You prick!

DOG

transformation in three, two, one.

Luna does not realize what was happening as her body contorts like a machine. Her limbs shrink to the size of twigs. Her head enlarges to two times the size of her body. She does not scream with agony. 

FBI AGENT   
Holy crap you turned your wife into a bird.    
  
DOG   
She’s not my wife. She’s an unregistered American citizen.

  
FBI AGENT   
You didn’t think this through did you?    
  
DOG    
I didn’t 

FBI AGENT 2

Bird! Bird!

Luna had turned into a giant bird briefly, then shrinks down to normal size. 

DOG immediately grabs a golden cage from his bookcase. 

DOG

if she’s going to sing, at least she can do it here. 

He places the bird in the cage.

FBI agent

What the fuck man?   
  
DOG   
I just turned my wife into a bird.    
  
FBI AGENT glances at him. 

Cut to black. 


	63. Chapter 63

PENGUIN

What’s my point in this? 

CHAMELEON   
It's none of your business. 

She glances at John's son who is swaddled in blankets. He is cooing. 

  
PENGUIN   
Can I pick him up?   
  
CHAMELEON   
No.   
  
She looks around.   
  
CHAMELEON   
This doesn’t make any sense. 

  
  
  


PENGUIN   
We must become one. 

The CHAMELEON sighs at this. 

PENGUIN   
Are we not going to discuss the fact there was an FBI raid?   
  
CHAMELEON   
A what now?   
  
PENGUIN   
A raid.

  
CHAMELEON   
We were raided?

PENGUIN   
We were.

The HOMOSEXUAL sighs at this. 

  
  
  
  
  


CHAMELEON   
If it meant destroying his body or the universe, it would make perfect sense to sacrifice his body. 

She thinks for a moment.

  
CHAMELEON   
No, it doesn’t!   
  
HOMOSEXUAL   
What doesn’t?   
  
CHAMELEON   
It doesn’t make much sense to *sacrifice your body* to a god!

HOMOSEXUAL   
Of course, it does!   
  
CHAMELEON   
No, it doesn’t!

  
  


His eldest daughter grabs his arm. He sucks in his last reward. 

DOG   
Sucked in his last reward?   
  
CAT   
I think it means breath. He sucked in his breath. Your reward for a living is breathing. 

  
DOG   
That makes sense.   
  
CAT   
No, it doesn’t. 

DOG   
Poetic.

The cat pats the dog's cheek. 

  
CAT   
No.    
  


The form fades until they form into a metaphysical being. This being is neither human nor alien. This definition of perfection resembles a horse. This transformation becomes more apparent as bones reform into limbs and hooves. The length of their hair flows from their shoulders. Their shoulders bend into shape as their backs are strengthened to fit their rib cages. From the shoulders, feathers grow in clusters to become wings. The horse is Omni as it is omnipresent. 

It can see the future, the past, and the present.

Time is now at its beck and call. 

CHAMELEON   
Well shit.

The OMNI does not pay attention to the CHAMELEON. Instead, it turns its attention to the SKUNK.   
  
OMNI   
Are you proud of yourself?

  
SKUNK   
Me?

The forest begins to melt. SYLVIA calls out for JOHN.

  
SYLVIA   
JOHN!   
  
She runs inside the forest.   
  
SYLVIA   
JOHN? Where are you?   
  
The wind howls.   
  
SYLVIA   
JOHN?   
  
No answer.   
  
SYLVIA runs through the thicket.   
  
SYLVIA   
John, where are you?   
  


  
  


OMNI

Are you proud of yourself for mocking that mentally disabled girl?   
  
SKUNK   
..no.

OMNI   
Why did you do it?   
  
SKUNK   
I-I 

She thinks for a moment. She is at a loss for words. 

  
SKUNK   
I just wanted her to go away. 

  
OMNI

Why couldn’t you be kinder?

  
The SKUNK shakes her head.   
  
SKUNK   
I didn’t want to get made fun of!   
  
OMNI   
So you made fun of her?   
  
SKUNK   
It was so long ago!   
  
OMNI is not amused by this answer. The SKUNK is becoming uncomfortable about this.    
  
SKUNK   
Let's change the topic. 

  
OMNI   
No!   
  
SKUNK freezes.

  
SKUNK   
I’m not disabled!   
  
  


OMNI   
Why couldn’t you be more like Katie who was nice to everyone?

  
SKUNK   
I’m not Katie!   
  
OMNI   
Katie was nice to everyone! Why couldn’t you be more like her?   
  
SKUNK   
I’m nothing like Katie alright?   
  
OMNI   
Why do you have to be so irritable?   
  
SKUNK   
Stop it!

OMNI   
Why can’t you be nicer?

SKUNK   
I’m not that disabled! Let’s change the subject!

  
  


SYLVIA   
What’s going on?   
  


Isaac hates P.E. She is forced to swim of course, but she is acting as she hates it. One of her peers pushes her into the pool. Being a clone, ISAAC never really learned how to swim.

As she falls into the pool her legs melt together. Scales multiply on what used to be her legs. All of a sudden she has the sudden urge to breathe. 

SYLVIA   
You should be drowning right now.    
  
ISAAC proceeds to drown.

  
SYLVIA   
JOHN?

Gills protrude from her neck, sucking in and releasing water. Her tail shimmers as it swung back and forth in the water. It gleams when the sun’s beams hit it in the right spot. It was dark blue and it changed to seafoam green at the top of her stomach. In the swimming pool, she has become a mermaid. 

SYLVIA   
Now that's just cheating.   
  
ISAAC   
“What’s going on?” 

SYLVIA   
Your cheating.    
  
ISAAC   
YOW! 

She screams. Bubbles of water flow out of her mouth. Isaac swims up to the YMCA concrete. The students are horrified. But not as horrified as SYLVIA.   
  
SYLVIA   
Where’s JOHN?   
  
Before ISAAC can speak she is cut off by the aggressive tweet of the whistle.   
  
SYLVIA   
-semi threatening-

Where’s my husband you cunt?

COACH   
  
“Congratulations, “You’ve earned your first detention!”

SYLVIA   
For what?   
  
COACH   
For turning into a mermaid in the pool.   
  
SYLVIA thinks for a moment.   
  
SYLVIA   
That is a 28-year-old woman.

COACH   
What are you talking about?

  
Before SYLVIA can answer she is cut off by the scream of the student. 

STUDENT   
“Eww! She just bled in the pool!” 

SYLVIA   
How do you know that a 28-year-old woman has bled in the pool?   
  
ISAAC

let me get the net. 

STUDENT   
Here, wow, you’re disgusting”.

  
SYLVIA

Not a student. 

The student grabs the net. she lifts Isaac out of the pool. she twists the net causing Isaac to fall on the cold hard pavement. 

COACH

Do you want four hours of detention?

ISAAC

Shut it!    
  
She stands up.   
  
ISAAC   
Don’t you understand I have feelings?   
  
She turns to the frightened students.   
  
ISAAC   
I have feelings too!   
  
She scrunches her face as she tries not to cry. 

  
COACH   
EIGHT HOURS of DETENTION! 

  
ISAAC

You’re walking on thin ice! Would it hurt to be nice for once? 

She widens her eyes in desperation.

  
  
COACH

IN-SCHOOL SUSPENSION! OK? YOU HAVE IN-SCHOOL SUSPENSION NOW! HAPPY? 

  
ISAAC

FINE! LET ME SUFFER! BUT I HOPE YOU PAY DEARLY FOR YOUR MISTREATMENT!

She jumps into the swimming pool. She wanted to try to learn how to become a better soldier. She jumps out of the chlorine infested waves. As she makes the magnificent jump, she miscalculates the jump between the water and the concrete. She hits the concrete with a sickening smack. 

SYLVIA   
Karen, you’re not that bright.

  
KAREN   
Wait that's not a student?

  
SYLVIA returns to the bus. She freezes at the sight of John in the birdcage. 

SYLVIA   
JOHNs a bird.   
  
She calls for a DOG.   
  
SYLVIA   
Why is JOHN a bird?   
  
DOG   
SYLV, I’m discussing matters with the nice FBI agent.    
  
SYLVIA   
When did we get raided?

  
DOG   
We just got raided. 

SYLVIA   
That doesn’t answer my question.

THE SKUNK has received a savage beating. She has developed a mild crush on ROGER. SHE is staring at the window. She is applying a cold bag of frozen beans to her bruised cheek. 

SKUNK

Roger?

he turns around in surprise.

  
ROGER   
It's you.   
  
SKUNK nervously taps the seat.   
  


SKUNK   
I’ve just gotten my ass kicked.

  
ROGER   
I don’t appreciate being cloned. 

  
SKUNK   
I don’t want to live either.   
  
  


ROGER   
Just tell me whats going on.   
  
SKUNK   
I trashed the basement this morning. 

ROGER   
Why?   
  
SKUNK   
Do I need to explain it?   
  
ROGER   
Yes?   
  
SKUNK   
Sometimes I-

She cuts herself off.    
  
SKUNK   
I don’t know what to say sometimes.   
  
  


ROGER   
Oh?   
  
SKUNK   
I’m not going to make it ROGER.   
  


ROGER   
Why not?   
  
SKUNK   
I can’t live on my own. You did it when you were twenty.

  
ROGER   
I went to Beirut when I was 17. I had roommates. 

  
SKUNK   
How did you do that?   
  
ROGER   
I drove.

SKUNK   
I can’t drive.   
  
ROGER   
Why not?   
  
SKUNK   
I feel like I’m unable to.   
  
ROGER

Spouse you could?   
  


SKUNK   
Huh?   
  
ROGER   
Drive?

  
SKUNK   
You don’t understand how hard it is. 

ROGER   
What’s your life’s purpose? Sit around gaining weight and watch Reddit all day?   
  
  


SKUNK   
I guess.   
  


ROGER   
What do you want to do with your life?   
  
SKUNK   
I don’t have a plan.   
  
ROGER   
You don’t have a plan.   
  
SKUNK   
Someone once told me that I was setting myself up for failure for staying up so late.   
  
A beat.   
  
ROGER   
What a prick! Fuck him in the arse!

SKUNK   
What?   
  
ROGER   
Screw around. See if I care. No one has the right to judge you for staying up late.   
  
SKUNK   
I had to work late!   
  
ROGER   
Late?   
  
He scoffs.   
  
ROGER   
Oh, that’s _ normal. _

  
SKUNK   
That's normal?!?

ROGER nods in affirmation.   
  
SKUNK   
Why are you so nice to me?   
  
  
ROGER   
I’m on pot.   
  
He gives a shake of his head.   
  
ROGER   
Suppose you could drive?   
  
He shakes his head once more.   
  
ROGER   
Where would you go?   
  
SKUNK   
Montana.   
  
She scoffs.   
  
SKUNK   
What's the point? My parents will accompany me. 

  
ROGER   
You live with your parents…

We cut to an abandoned apartment. ROGER awakens to a distant hum. He reaches for his wallet.    
  
ROGER   
Hang on. Where’s my wallet?   
  
He looks around. The sheets are bloodstained. He attempts to move. He recoils with pain. 

ROGER

Ow!   
  
He winces in pain.   
  
ROGER   
Where am I?   
  
He sits. The pain killers are wearing off.

  
ROGER   
Hello?   
  


He limps out of bed. His underwear is soggy with blood.   
  
SKUNK   
He made a fatal mistake making fun of me.    
  
She sits at the edge of the bus. So far away that they cannot hear the high pitch screech of terror.    
  
SKUNK smokes a cigarette. SYLVIA sits nearby. 

  
SKUNK   
What's with you?   
  
SYLVIA   
JOHNs a bird.   
  
SKUNK   
A bird?   
  
SYLVIA nods.    
  
SKUNK   
How is he a bird?   
  
SYLVIA gestures to the cage. 

SYLVIA   
What happened to you and ROG?   
  
SKUNK   
He thought that living with my parents was funny.

  
She admires her new prize. It appears to be an appendage of ROGERs. SYLVIA does not question where the SKUNKs' new prize came from. 

  
SYLVIA   
Did he dump you?

SKUNK   
One could say that…

  
SYLVIA   
Harsh...

  
SKUNK lies next to the bus.    
  
SKUNK   
Want to discuss why JOHN’s a bird?


	64. Chapter 64

It takes a while to find the chosen one. The SKUNK is wearing the necklace. It glimmers seductively as she turns in her sleep. 

SYLVIA   
No.   
  
DOG   
She’s the chosen one.   
  
SYLVIA pulls him aside.

  
SYLVIA   
She’s too young.    
  
DOG   
She’s got the necklace. 

  
SYLVIA   
Let me fight.   
  
DOG   
You don’t have the necklace.

  
SYLVIA   
What's your excuse?   
  
DOG   
Excuse me?   
  
SYLVIA   
What’s your excuse?   
  
DOG   
For what?   
  
SYLVIA   
For giving her the necklace?

  
DOG   
I guess I have no excuses.   
  
SYLVIA   
Right. 

  
  
  
DOG shakes her awake.

  
SYLVIA   
Please don’t do this. 

  
DOG   
Why not?   
  
SYLVIA   
She can’t take down a demon.   
  
DOG   
How come?   
  
SYLVIA   
She’s got a disability. 

  
The SKUNK jerks awake at this. 

  
SKUNK   
Too disabled?   
  
  
She glares at SYLVIA. Unamused.   
  


SKUNK   
Am I too disabled? *fuck off!*   
  
SYLVIA restrains herself from attacking.   
  
SKUNK   
Is that all you want to hear?   
  
She turns to the DOG and SYLVIA.   
  
SKUNK   
All you want me to be is this weak and defenseless…

She spits in the ground.   
  
SKUNK   
All you want me to be is this weak and defenseless *thing* who has nothing more to say but I am disabled!   
  
She looks at the two.   
  
  


SKUNK   
I’m fighting the demon!   
  
SYLVIA   
No, you won’t   
  
SYLVIA attempts to snatch the necklace from the SKUNK.   
  


SYLVIA   
You won’t be able to handle it!

  
SKUNK   
You never let me do anything!   
  
She resists.   
  
SKUNK   
ROGER went to Beirut when he was a teenager!   
  
SKUNK looks at the two of them.   
  
SKUNK   
What have I done? I went to Montana when I was a teenager with 

My father!

SYLVIA   
And your brother?   
  
SKUNK   
And what will I be doing? I will be sucking my mother's teat when I am 80!   
  
SYLVIA   
You’re not fighting the demon.   
  
SKUNK   
All you wanted to hear is I’m disabled! All you want is control!   
  
SYLVIA   
That’s not true…   
  
SKUNK   
All you want is to hear about how poor little skunk is disabled. All you want me to say is how much pain *I’m in*!

  
SYLVIA

-somewhat sarcastically-

Keep fighting the disability. That won’t backfire. 

  
RACOON

I can’t do that. I’m barely an adult, and you expect me to fight a giant demon?

SYLVIA   
It's more than fighting the demon.   
  
RACOON   
Then what is it?   
  
DOG   
The fate of the world depends on you.

  
RACOON

It can’t be true.

  
DOG

it is true. Accept your fate for we have plans tomorrow.

RACOON   
Are you insane?   
  


The next morning.

The next day, the raccoon wakes to find herself at a gas station.

  
SAM   
The gas station seems abandoned so it seemed suitable at the time.

  
RACOON   
Why a gas station?   
  
SAM   
Did it make sense at the time?   
  
RACOON   
Why are we at the gas station?

SAM   
I have no clue.

  
RACOON   
Well, I’m fucked.

She slams herself on the bus seat. 

Luna the canary is screeching her head off.

RACOON   
That's not good.   
  
SAM   
What isn’t it?   
  
RACOON   
I think there's some gas.   
  
SAM   
Gas?   
  
RACOON   
The canaries used to go ballistic when they were put in the coal mines. 

She walks out of the bus. She stops watching the DOG shaving his legs. 

  
  
  
RACOON   
I would be lying if watching you trying to shave your legs didn’t jolt me awake.


	65. Chapter 65

SAM

Let me explain the situation better. To infiltrate the place Isaac was at, we have to crossdress.

RACOON   
We have to crossdress.

SAM   
Yep.

RACOON   
Why?

SAM

The females know how to put skirts on, and wear sweaters.

  
RACOON   
Of course, they do!   
  
SAM   
Is ROGER going to kill us?

RACOON   
Perhaps.   
  


SAM

-ignoring Racoon-

They have to yank their tights on. 

The males on the other hand do not know how to shave their legs without wincing in pain. 

DOG   
Seriously?   
  
SAM   
I can’t believe I have to do this!   
  
DOG

Do what?   
  


SAM   
Crossdress?   
  
DOG   
I’m not going to crossdress!

DOG scrunched his face as soon as he saw the razor and the wax paper. 

  
DOG   
I’m sorry, who are you?   
  
Ilona

Your future daughter?   
  
DOG

-sarcastically-

That makes total sense.

  
Ilona

It doesn’t hurt. But it will sting.

DOG   
That's completely contradictory!

she rubs the lotion on a patch of hair on his legs. 

DOG   
Please don't. This seems weird. Why am I cross-dressing to go to a high school?

The DOG settles on the grass. She rubs the wax on his legs.

  
DOG   
This doesn’t seem too bad.

Ilona

Your acting calm about getting your legs waxed.

  
DOG 

This is soothing. 

She removes the wax paper.

thirty seconds later, he immediately regrets that decision. He tries resisting from screaming in pain. 

Resistance was futile as he opened his mouth to release the pain. 

DOG  
“AARGH! THIS IS VERY PAINFUL!”

  
Ilona

Of course, it is!   
  
DOG   
How do you do this?   
  
He leans back as he wails at the sky.

DOG   
Oof!   
  
He bites his lip.

  
DOG   
Christ!   
  
Ilona

You promised to be cool about this!

DOG   
This is a stupid plan!   
  
Razors lay near the trash can. DOG proceeds to kick and scream. 

Roger yanks on his tights. 

SKUNK   
Uh oh.

  
SYLVIA   
How did she come back here?   
  
SKUNK   
She?   
  
SYLVIA   
He?   
  
She looks at the skunk. The SKUNK proceeds to yank on her skirt.   
  
SYLVIA   
What is she doing here?

  
SKUNK   
Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. 

  
SKUNK shoots a glance at SYLVIA. Roger must’ve snuck on board. Roger notices the two of them. She rushes over hatefully.   
  
SYLVIA   
Oh crap!   
  
SKUNK   
Don’t move.

  
ROGER storms over to the two of the girls. She is quickly raging at the two of them. She is angsty scowling at the two of them.

  
ROGER   
Explain where the hell my penis is?

SKUNK   
Your penis.   
  
The two of them shoot a glance at ROGER. 

  
SKUNK   
I don’t know where it is?   
  
SYLVIA   
You asking the wrong person?   
  
SKUNK   
How'd you get here?   
  
ROGER is seething with rage.    
  
ROGER   
Where the hell is my penis?   
  
SKUNK   
Your penis.   
  
SYLVIA   
Maybe it walked away?   
  
SKUNK

-laughing nervously-

Did it walk away?   
  
ROGER continues to give them a deadly look. The two pretend to shuffle around. The two characters are trying to avoid an awkward glance. 

  
SYLVIA   
Wheres the baby?   
  
SKUNK   
An orphan?   
  
ROGER is unimpressed with the conversation.   
  
ROGER

-pissed-

I am not sitting down!   
  
SKUNK glances at ROGER   
  
SKUNK   
Have you been holding it in?   
  
ROGER   
I don’t know how to pee without a penis.   
  
The two notice that ROGER has covered her pants with her shirt. She has urinated herself.   
  
SKUNK whiffs and scowls.    
SYLVIA   
Come here. 

We cut to the inside of the bathroom.    
  
ROGER   
Wait!   
  
She struggles a bit.   
  
SYLVIA   
You have to sit down!   
  
She forces ROGER down onto the toilet seat. ROGER proceeds to relieve herself.

  
SKUNK   
-gagging-

Gross.

A fine puddle of urine pools at the end of the toilet. ROGER continues to urinate as the SKUNK assesses the situation. Her legs are trembling as SYLVIA releases her grip on ROGER. ROGER has stopped struggling. She glares at SYLVIA.   
  
SKUNK   
That's odd. You would think…   
  
SYLVIA

You’re looking at the same species who have encountered the coronavirus.   
  
ROGER   
\- shuddering-

That's how you do it, you imbecile?   
  
SYLVIA

That's correct.

  
ROGER grunts in pain. She is unhappy. Her genitals are quite sore.

ROGER   
…

She glares at SYLVIA.   
  
ROGER   
I don’t need your help.   
  
  


SYLVIA   
You're not accustomed to this. 

The SKUNK leaves the bathroom to get some clothes. ROGER continues to scowl at SYLVIA. Risking locking herself in the toilet, she stands up. She dries herself off.   
  
ROGER   
I’m not accustomed to this?   
  
She laughs sarcastically.   
  
ROGER   
I’m going to kill you one of these days. 

SYLVIA   
You're a prick.   
  
ROGER

....

  
ROGER scoffs. She quietly thinks of a violent retort. THE SKUNK RETURNS WITH A SKIRT.

  
  


ROGER

I can’t believe that I have to wear a skirt.

  
She thinks for a moment.   
  
ROGER   
Scratch that. I’m not going to wear a skirt.   
  
SKUNK   
Do you want to fit into high school?

A record scratch.   
  
ROGER   
A what now?   
  
SKUNK   
Do you want to sneak into a high school?   
  
ROGER   
No!

  
SKUNK GLANCES AT THE CAMERA. 

SKUNK   
YOU LOOK CUTE IN A SKIRT.   
  
ROGER   
I AM NOT WEARING A SKIRT!   
  
SHE BAWLS.

  
SKUNK   
COME ON!   
  
ROGER CONTINUES TO BAWL AS SHE GRABS THE SKIRT.

  
SKUNK   
Alright. We’re going to need to shave your legs.

  
ROGER   
Please don’t!

She continues to sob as SKUNK reaches for the razors. 

ROGER is continuing to bawl as the SKUNK turns on the shower nozzle. The SKUNK proceeds to wrestle her clothes off. Roger is essentially stripped of her clothing. PEGGY walks in. watching the two females wrestle, she awkwardly walks out of the room. She slams the door shut.    
  
ROGER   
No! No!   
  
SKUNK begins to scrub her hair down. Her clothes clinging to her privates, she scrubs ROGER down. ROGER proceeds to thrash as the SKUNK lathers her hair.    
  
ROGER   
Wait a minute!

ROGER   
Hang on! Let me scrub my hair!   
  
SKUNK   
No! That's the wrong kind of shampoo!

The two begin to struggle in the shower.   
  


PEGGY trots out slightly traumatized. DOG is in full drag. 

PEGGY

This is legal right?   
  
DOG   
Probably not.   
  
PEGGY   
Legal?   
  
DOG   
What's going on in there?   
  
PEGGY   
Don’t come in.

  
DOG   
Why not?   
  
PEGGY   
You’ll be interrupting something? 

The DOG shakes his head. 


	66. Chapter 66

SKUNK

Aww, you look so adorable with a skirt on.

she smirks at him. Roger glares at her with tears in her eyes. 

ROGER

Say that again.

she growls under her breath. 

SKUNK   
You look cute with a skirt on?   
  
ROGER   
I’ll show you cute!

He chases her around the gas station. 

SKUNK   
Haha! Nanah, you can’t catch me!

She taunts as she runs through the frozen food aisle. We cut to the chameleon.

  
CHAMELEON   
I slept very poorly last night. 

  
DOG   
Did you have a hard time sleeping last night?   
  
CHAMELEON   
No. I got up at 7;30. Turned off the alarm, then fell back to 

Sleep.

DOG   
Did anything interesting happen?   
  
CHAMELEON   
I went to this alternate dimension. I picked up a watermelon at my school.    
  
She gestures as if exaggerating how big it was.

CHAMELEON   
It was heavy.

DOG   
How heavy was it?   
  
CHAMELEON   
Like the size of a human being.   
  


She shows him the watermelon. 

  
CHAMELEON   
Is it a watermelon? Or is it a pumpkin.

  
Outside the gas station a SOLDIER and HIS WIFE make love on the steps.

  
DOG   
You beat it up slightly.

DOG points at a small bruise on the huge watermelon. 

  
CHAMELEON   
I know. But I’m going to be late for audio class! I just passed it when I came here!   
  
DOG   
You’ll be fine!   
  
CHAMELEON   
Are you sure?   
  
DOG   
I’m quite positive you’ll be fine.   
  
CHAMELEON   
But my class!   
  
DOG   
I’ll just tell the professor.

  
CHAMELEON   
But I’ll be put to death!   
  
DOG   
You’ll be fine. 

Chameleon

Are you sure?   
  
The DOG nods. He picks up the enormous watermelon. 

  
DOG   
You’re not going to be put to death.   
  
The CHAMELEON   
Ooh I’m in trouble!   
  
DOG   
Where's your class?   
  
CHAMELEON   
That way!   
  
She points offscreen. She notices the clock.   
  


CHAMELEON   
What year is it?   
  
DOG   
I’m not quite certain.

  
She points at the couple in fornication. The lovemaking has intensified. 

  
CHAMELEON   
Is that ROGERs parents?   
  
DOG   
No. Don’t stare. you’ll scare them off.

The man glances at the CHAMELEON. It is an expression of “Do you like what you're seeing?” He glances down and continues to ravage his wife. The CHAMELEON walks past them. Somewhat disgusted. 

CAMEL   
What happened last week?   
  
SKUNK   
I went to a meeting.    
  
CAMEL   
Oh?   
  
SKUNK

My mother was listening the entire time. I didn’t mind this.    
  
CAMEL   
Why was your mother with you?   
  
SKUNK   
I happened to be dropping off some books.

  
CAMEL   
Books?   
  
SKUNK   
I was waiting for the nasty email.

CAMEL

Where they overdue? 

The SKUNK nods at this.   
  
SKUNK   
They were a day from being overdue. I would have been executed for dropping off the books at a later date.   
  
SKUNK leans on the gas station. She looks into the window. ROGER is seen cursing about putting on the skirt. ROGER is then seen weeping as she puts on the skirt.   
  
SKUNK   
Any way, I screamed about revolution.    
  
She looks at the CAMEL.

  
SKUNK   
My mother was laughing as I asked how we can start a revolution.    
  
She leans on the street lamp. The fires of a revolution of not ignited yet. 

SKUNK   
See socializing is like riding a bike. Many people learn how to at least ride a bike.    
  
She looks at the bus.   
  
SKUNK   
I sucked at riding my bike.   
  
She looks back at the dog.   
  
SKUNK   
I wore training wheels until I was eight. Many people don’t wear training wheels at that age.

She scoffs.   
  
SKUNK   
Most of the time I fell onto the sidewalk. The sidewalk was my enemy.

  
  


  
  


SKUNK

It's not “I’m shy and quirky so I must have a neurological disability. It's more like why does my environment hate me so much? Why can’t I ride my bike normally?” 

She looks at the bus.    
  
SKUNK   
Why am I the one with a problem? 

She looks at the dog.   
  
SKUNK   
I just remembered something.   
  
DOG   
What is it?   
  
SKUNK   
It feels like my mind has gone blank.

She peers into the glass.   
  
SKUNK   
The first time I said that it felt off.   
  
A shot of the bus.   
  
SKUNK   
I suppose you want me to say it’s ok to not be ok.

DOG   
Shouldn’t you talk about it?   
  
SKUNK   
I once saw a peer get crowned. People talked about her in glowing terms.    
  
She tosses a cigarette on to the ground.    
  
SKUNK   
She picked on me. You know whats ironic? The phrases they said. It was like a puppet being controlled. I feel like a puppet being controlled.

  
She turns to leave.   
  
Cut to black. 


	67. Chapter 67

The canary broke through the birdcage. It emits an evil screech as its bones grew and twisted out of proportion.

SYLVIA   
JOHN?   
  
She turns around. The bus should be shaking.   
  
SYLVIA   
John!   
  
She rushes over to the bus.

  
SYLVIA   
JOHN!   
  
She stops. The bus explodes like a giant bird bursts out of the bus. SYLVIA freezes.   
  
SYLVIA   
Uh oh.    
  
She turns around and runs to the gas station. The bird digs into the gas station snatching both the SKUNK and the DOG.

  
SYLVIA   
Should we be doing something?   
  
RACOON   
Nah.

  
SYLVIA   
That monster who used to be my husband, erm wife just took off with our crew members! We should be doing something!

RACOON   
That is a giant bird. I am not messing with a giant bird. 

  
SYLVIA groans at this. 

  
RACOON   
What?   
  
She looks at the horizon. 

  
RACOON   
Oh, come on!

She runs offscreen. We cut to the two being covered in talons. 

SKUNK   
One minute I was getting chased by an irate clone, the next, DOG and I are flying in the sky with giant talons gripping our bodies.

The winds roar as the giant bird flies through the clouds. DOG is nearly undressed. He is wearing a skirt and tights. 

DOG is trying not to scream in terror, but he does close his eyes in terror. 

We cut back to the raccoon.   
  
RACOON   
Why don’t I like my mother?   
  


She stops to think. As she does, the wind blows. The bird is flying farther and farther away. 

She thinks for a moment.   
  
RACOON   
I guess I never did like my mother. As a child, I never did like my mother. 

She thought for a second.

  
RACOON   
I feel like she's in my way. 

She shakes her head.

  
RACOON   
I remember feeling like she's trying to get in my way.

She thinks for a moment.   
  
RACOON   
But what's the point of trying to leave the house?

  
She continues to run under the bird. 

  
RACOON   
My mother is so overbearing!

She tries to run underneath the bird. 

  
RACOON   
But what's the point of trying to leave the house? I’ll just get torn apart by my peers.

  
The bird continues to fly underneath the clouds.

  
RACOON   
If my mother would only let me take more risks! I’m not an infant for christ sakes!

She continues to run underneath the bird.

  
RACOON   
Why didn’t I take more risks?

The bird begins to fly underneath the castle. The RACOON stops. 

  
  
  


The two find themselves in the middle of a throne room. 

DAEMENs mother

Sit.   
  
They do not sit. 

SKUNK

DOG and I have so many questions.

  
DOG  
No, we don’t. 

  
1 SKUNK ignores him. 

SKUNK

Where is the clone you freaking psycho? 

DAEMENs mother scowls at this. 

DAEMENs mother

You do realize I can hear your thoughts?

DOG nods. SKUNK stares her down. 

RACOON  
She can hear my thoughts?

Daemen’s mother turns to RACOONs spot.

  
DAEMEN’s mother  
What was that?  
  
SKUNK  
Probably the wind. 

  
DAEMEN

No. 

She turns to the SKUNK. Focused on her now. 

  
DAEMEN

We can compromise. You can have the host of this body if you kill a mortal. 

Before I could ask who, an image of Isaac flashes on the screen. 

DAEMEN 

You like this host, no? kill the loser, and you get the host of this body in white Spandex! 

We look at each other in horror. 

SKUNK   
If we killed Isaac, then Freddie would come back to us.

  
DOG   
We’re not killing ISAAC.

  
SKUNK   
We’ve got to!

  
DAEMENs mother

Well? Do we have a deal? 

  
The TWO are still horrified. The RACOON does not make a move. She does not think for that matter. 

I stared in disbelief.

DOG   
I can’t sing.   
  
SKUNK   
DOG?   
  


He caresses the vial. He shakes his head.

  
DOG   
I just want to be left alone.

DAEMENs mother swings the vial back and forth.   
  
DAEMONS mother

Don’t you want something DOG?   
  
DOG swallows at this. DAEMENs mother produces a vial. This will make him sing better.

  
DAEMENs mother

Surely you want to sing?

  
DOG   
I would love to sing. 

  
DAEMENs mother

Then bring ISAAC to me.   
  
DOG

SKUNK?   
  
SKUNK   
Do you want to sing?   
  
DOG   
I can’t sing.

  
DAEMENs mother smiles at this. 

DOG   
Dude. that's my friend…

  
  


DAEMEN steps back, clearly taken aback from DOGs refusal to cooperate.

  
DAEMENs mother

Is that a no?


	68. Chapter 68

DAEMENs MOTHER steps back into his/her throne.

  
DAEMEN

I can’t believe how treasonous you would act towards me.

SKUNK   
Hang on. Are you having a stroke?   
  
she produces the flaming sword from her hilt.

As the homosexual morphs into the OMNI, the skunk lifts the hilt of my sword. It claws at the sword as if it was a giant cat. 

she swings back. 

SKUNK

I don’t care if he dies inside!   
  
RACOON   
Wow! Your fun!   
  
SKUNK   
What are you doing here? 

The hilt digs inside its skin. Omni reverts to human form. He freezes when he notices the sword inside his chest. 

Ilona tries to grab her sword from the chest. The homosexual gives a brief whimper.    
  
ILLONIA

NO! he’s still in there! 

SKUNK   
Give me the sword! I don’t care!

The SKUNK yanks the sword away from ILLONIA. Kendra materializes as she takes another swing. She snatches her sword. 

  
  
  


KENDRA

It’s Keith!

  
  


She glances at the Omni. One of the handmaidens runs into another room. 

HANDMAIDEN   
ISAAC!   
  


her footsteps increase in volume. 

SKUNK

My god, She’s, even more, uglier than the last time I saw her.

Her skin is puffy from the effects of puberty. Acne oozes from her skin. Her sweater is slightly pink and oddly smells of rancid meat. Her hair is still curly, but it is much shorter than the last time the trio saw her. Her tights are saggy because she had lost a lot of weight at school. The SKUNK watches Kendra grip the sword. 

SKUNK   
This isn’t going to be fun.

ISAAC

I don’t have time to deal with you.   
  


She storms off. Furious. We cut back to a cabin. 

SKUNK   
I don’t understand…

RACOON   
Wait. what happened?   
  
SKUNK   
We have a lot of explaining to do.   
  
RACCOON   
Why is a 28-year-old woman in high school?

  
  


SKUNK   
Do we have to go back to school?

  
RACOON   
Not really. We just hang out in the basement.

  
SKUNK

Why would you send your kids to school in a pandemic? That doesn’t make sense!   
  
RACOON   
Some people are just sadists.

  
SKUNK   
You telling me this?   
  
RACOON   
Is ISAAC infected?

SKUNK   
Possibly. I don’t know nor do I care.

  
RACOON   
You should care!   
  
  


SKUNK   
Oh, boo-fucking-hoo what's the point of caring?   
  
She glances up at the window.   
  
SKUNK   
It's not like people care.   
  
RACOON   
People do care about you.   
  
SKUNK   
Oh really?   
  
She peers through the window.

  
SKUNK   
Do people care about me?   
  
RACOON   
-suddenly realizing something-

Oh what, that's a thing?

She turns on the radio. 

SKUNK   
What am I experiencing a new coping mechanism?   
  
RACOON   
Tell me about the time you peed yourself

  
SKUNK   
It was one time!   
  
CHAMELEON   
Did you pee yourself?   
  
She starts laughing.   
  
RACOON   
She peed herself on a trip to lake Michigan!   
  
SKUNK   
Hey!   
  
She lunges towards the RACOON. The RACOON dodges her. She crashes into a table.

  
  


CHAMELEON

When was that?   
  
SKUNK   
Now, don’t you start!   
  
RACOON laughs. While laughing she notices the SKUNKs artwork strewn in the basement. The SKUNK sighs at this.   
  
SKUNK   
I’m never going to see my friends again.    
  
RACOON   
You going to see them again.

  
SKUNK   
I can’t even drive. 

  
RACOON   
You have to be ready to drive. You fought a monster. I think you’ll be fine. 

  
  


SKUNK   
What if I crash into the farmhouse door?   
  
RACOON   
What's going to happen if you crash into the farmhouse door?   
  
SKUNK   
Then I attract Muriel.

  
RACOON   
Who's Muriel?   
  
SKUNK   
Muriel. The ghost of the lady who hung herself in the front tree of the yard. 

  
RACOON    
That's impossible.   
  
SKUNK

No, it isn’t. 

  
  


February. 1944. We cut to Muriel and bill fornicating in the attic of the farmhouse in Illinois.

  
MURIEL   
Affirmative!   
  
BILL   
Yes!   
  
The two proceed to make sweet passionate love in the cold freezing storage area.

  
MURIEL   
Ah!

The lovemaking is quietly interrupted by a large crash. The SKUNK has crashed her vehicle into the front entrance of the house. BILL quietly grabs his gun. 

MURIEL   
That city slicker is at it again!   
  
BILL   
DAMN IT! 

RACOON   
Have you thought about moving to the country?   
  
SKUNK   
I have.

ROGER

-loudly-

Why the fuck would you do that?   
  
SKUNK turns around to face her. She is covered in urine. Attempting to sit down. She covers herself. Very angry. 

SKUNK   
I just can’t take it anymore. I cannot stand the fast-paced suburban lifestyle, the unfairness! The mass media consumption!

She gets up and leaves. ROGER follows her. The RACOON is alone with the chameleon.

  
RACOON   
Have I always hated my mother?   
  
  


CHAMELEON   
What?   
  
RACOON   
No wonder I’m a  _ socialist _ .

She scoffs.

  
RACOON   
What if I forget everyone here?   
  
CHAMELEON   
Go to bed.

  
RACOON

-monologuing-   


Is this why I submerge myself in the world of Reddit? Am I really hurting my cause? Growing weak, feeble-minded, sucking on my mother's withered teat as I approach the age of thirty! I am but 20!    
  
RACOON yawns. She stands up. She walks inside. The CHAMELEON follows suit. 


	69. Chapter 69

The homosexual wakes up. His sheets are sweaty from the horrifying nightmare that he just had. 

Homosexual

Where am I?

SKUNK  
Don’t you have a name? 

Homosexual nods.

RICHARD

My name is richard.

SKUNK  
Ah richard.  
  


RICHARD gives a grunt.

RICHARD

Are you real?  
  
SKUNK  
Am I real? I ask myself that question all the time. 

RICHARD 

You must be real.

  
SKUNK  
I don’t feel real.

RICHARD 

Don’t be silly.

SKUNK  
I feel like I’m living in a simulation. 

It is quiet. No music is playing. The two characters stare at each other.   
  
RICHARD  
Hang on, I must be real. 

SKUNK  
Are you?

RICHARD sits back a moment. 

RADIO is off.   


RICHARD  
What year is it?  
  
SKUNK  
I’m not certain.

  
Richard checks his watch.

RICHARD   
It’s 1975.

SKUNK  
1975?

Richard nods.

SKUNK

Well thats odd. 

RICHARD  
What do you mean thats odd. 

SKUNK  
We’re in hell aren’t we?

  
RICHARD  
Hang on a bit.

  
SKUNK  
There isn’t a time or place…

RICHARD 

Or meaning. 

SKUNK  
Thats silly.

  
Richard gets up from his bed.

RICHARD  
Shall we explore.

  
SKUNK  
Shall we? 

SKUNK watches as Richard walks up from his bed. 

RICHARD   
Are you coming?  
  


SKUNK  
Are you going to bite my head off?

RICHARD laughs at this. He gestures at the skunk to come. The SKUNK gingerly walks towards him. Pausing a bit, she allows herself to walk from the dingy hotel room. 

We cut to the inside of a hotel room. Orange bright lighting. The radiator is humming rather noisy.

RICHARD   
What are you thinking about? 

SKUNK   
-slightly taken aback-

Excuse me?

RICHARD    
You’re thinking about  _ something _ .

SKUNK   
Just afraid.

RICHARD   
Of what?

SKUNK   
Of just submitting to the system. 

RICHARD   
A system of wires, ones and zeros? 

SKUNK  
I guess?

  
  
  
  


***************************************************************

Luna snarls at her sister.

LUNA   
Where's my fiancee?

SYLVIA   
-Unimpressed-

Your husband. 

Everybody stares at her. The two are standing in the middle of a camp. Even though she was still technically a human,she is a mutant. 

SYLVIA   
Oh so it’s your husband now?    
  
She thinks for a moment.   
  
LUNA   
You're in my way, SYLVIA!

Roger starts snickering from the mutant monstrosity. It is a laughter born out of fear. 

SOMEONE OFFSCREEN

Freaky Deaky married Beaky!”How about this?

ANOTHER PERSON OFFSCREEN 

Hey bird brain! I guess you are the eggman!

Luna sighs to herself. The tension is thick. SYLVIA is two seconds from beating LUNA from within an inch of her life. EVERYTHING IN THE SCENE INDICATES TENSION ABOUT TO BREAK.

  
SOMEONE OFFSCREEN 

good one! 

  
  


SOMEONE ALSO LAUGHS OFFSCREEN. He collapses into the ground. Before LUNA can do anything, SYLVIA jumps her sister. She swings at her. THE TENSION EXPLODES.

SYLVIA   
LUNA. Why don’t you screw him over like you did your own mother?

The crowd is silent. The air is thick and sweaty. LUNA gets back up. 

  
LUNA   
You have no idea what you're talking about.

SYLVIA spits at the ground. She is not thinking clearly.

  
SYLVIA   
No idea what I’m talking about?   
  
She gives a bitter laugh. 

LUNA looks over at the man who laughed at her. He has turned into an earthworm. She eats what remains of the worm. She proceeds to heave. 

LUNA   
Sylvia what did you feed me?   
  
SYLVIA does not respond to her. 

before she could ask anything else, the contents of her stomach answer her question.

Luna kneels down on her knees. He could only watch as she threw up the contents of her stomach. The (still surviving worm) wriggles around on the ground. The worm was soon accompanied by three more worms, who happily wriggle on the ground. LUNA looks at SYLVIA in horror. 

LUNA   
Where's Deacon?

Luna demanded. She was not going to repeat herself. It is imperative that DOG was brought to her. SYLVIA steps forward. She is intimidated by her sister. 

  
SYLVIA   
You made out with your mother on the couch. 

LUNA stares at her. She gives her a rather seething death glare.    
  
SYLIVA   
Are you proud of yourself? Were you too busy sticking your tongue down her throat?   
  
LUNA   
Please don’t do this to me.

SYLVIA   
Well? Are you happy?

LUNA says nothing. 

Roger marches into the bus. He plops himself down. He is separated from the females. All the males were put into one bus. Almost like an extermination camp... 

Lunas smirk falters. 

SYLVIA

Why are you doing this Luna? 

LUNA falls quiet. SYLVIA is answering her own question. LUNA tries again.

LUNA

Why are putting a crowd of women outside the buses? Aren’t you tired of being ogled? Being told to act submissive and being pushed around?

The air is pulsating. With a warm hot rage. 

LUNA   
YOU ALL LIVE IN CAGES! WAKE UP!   
  
SYLVIA

-quietly almost to self-

You're miserable aren’t you? 

A white woman begins to thrash around. Clawing, howling. SYLVIA looks around as the females begin to howl primally. Like groans of rage. It's almost as if an orgy is commencing. Groans that seem almost rage filled. Warm. no. bursting with hate. 

WOMAN

They run off with prosmuscus women, their secretaries, maids, and women that don’t deserve to exist! 

ANOTHER WOMAN

We need an education! Complete liberation from men!

Rage born from the sense of abandonment. Rage like the trees burning. More groaning. Climatic. Even more howling. Faces are twisted. As soon as someone speaks their voice is twinged with a streak of disappointment, shame even. 

Everyone is looking at her.

WOMAN   
ASEXUALs are being oppressed! I was bullied for being asexual in high school!

ROGER howls along with the woman. No one is noticing the male amongst the women in the crowd. THIS IS MOB MENTALITY. 

ROGER   
We live in a dog cage!   
  
Like a child walking along the road, his voice is cracking with pure utter fury. 

It is the emotional equivalent of having a bandaid being ripped off. Most of the women are shaking with pure utter fury, sweating even. Cursing.    
  
SKUNK and RICHARD walk in. SYLVIA gestures for them to remain quiet. The two watch as the crowd climaxes. SYD walks in. ALL four characters remain quiet as the crowd reaches its peak. 

SKUNK   
Whats going on?   
  
LUNA   
Do you want to be free?   
  
The DEMON is feeding off the anger. Like a parasite almost. 

  
ROGER howls in agreement. LUNA is feeding off his primal rage. The rage of a lost son. The rage that has been festering, pulsating. A quiet rage that has been placed in the back of his head for far too long. The SKUNK bites RICHARDs paw, watching ROGER in the crowd. SYD watches almost transfixed at the commotion. He has shut down. 

It is almost like watching lambs to slaughter. SYLVIA pulls the three aside.

SKUNK   
Whats going on?   
  
SYLVIA   
Don’t join in.

  
RICHARD   
I shan’t!

  
SKUNK looks at the festering crowd. The crowd is moving very quickly, like maggots to rotten flesh. It is a moment of pure and utter consumption. Feeding off each other's fears, worries, and doubts. 

SYLVIA   
They’re eating it up.    
  
SYD is quiet.

SYLVIA   
Just follow my lead. 

RICHARD 

What lead?   
  
SYLVIA stares at him in the cabin.    
  


The group is feasting. Our final protagonists glance out the window watching the cult consume. 

SKUNK   
My grandmother wasn’t a socialist.   
  
She glances at SYLVIA.   
  
SKUNK   
I’m not used to the pent up aggression. 

  
SYLVIA   
You are.

The Skunk glances at her. 

  
SKUNK   
I don’t think I can go through with this. 

SLYVIA gives her a nudge. SKUNK begins to tremble.


End file.
